Rome - (Jesus Wept News): A 'spolier' prediction by cabinet-maker and amateur seismologist Raffaele Bendandi has rattled the Vatican. The wannabe seer reckoned that today, May 11th's astrological alignments would spark the Big One, razing the Eter...
It appears Nicky Clarke completely lost the plot with regards to the beatification of his holiness and deadness Pope John Paul II. Having set up a mobile hairdressing studio on the balcony of the Vatican this morning, he was chased away, much to h...
Rome - The Vatican has hijacked Sunday's pagan New Year's Day to beatify a monster exhumed in a public freakshow. United Grand Coven sources said today veneration of the six year-old corpse - and a 'sacred' vile (sic) of his blood - is typical of...
Vatican officials today angrily refuted an internet rumour that a total of 820 meat feast pizzas, 200 porcetta sandwiches, and 400 portions of suckling pig have been ordered for a Good Friday meat-up in the Vatican Museums. "This is a nasty unfoun...
YouCat, a new book produced by the Vatican, has had to be amended after a number of errors were found. The book, which is intended to explain the catechism to a younger audience, was withdrawn just a few days after being available in Italian shops...
Fatalist extraordinaire, Morbid Gloomy, self styled leader of The End Of The World Is Nigh movement today issued a chilling warning to the rest of humanity, following hot on the heels of massive sardine shoals appearing in the wake of the Japanese ea...
Vatican City - During evening prayers, Pope Benedict XVI announced to a stunned crowd that the Vatican is moving. The Vatican, center of the planet's 500 million Catholics, is planning to transfer all of its offices and staff. An eruption of questio...
Top Vatican officials are condemning Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi because of allegations that Berlusconi had sex with human females, even though Berlusconi has been the Vatican's strongest supporter and has never condemned the Catholic C...
Britain enters 2011 with the same-old left-overs of yore as long-simmering divisions threaten to split the Church of England. What are they fighting over? Weapons of mass destruction? Territorial disputes? Who can save mankind first? Hell no!...
Following the lead from U.S. political and armed forces leadership, the Vatican has announced the lifting of their own "Don't ask, don't tell" policy, allowing priests and nuns to openly disclose gay or lesbian tendencies without fear of reprisal.
VATICAN CITY - The Vatican insist that the Pope's commitment to truth are nothing more than "revolutionary," but others think Pope Benito Santos is nothing more than a lunatic. Just a year after he said he was a certified virgin, he confessed at...
Pope Benedict has made billions protecting the flock from 'The Inferno.' Now Pope Benedict has teamed up with the makers of 'Woolite', 'Lysol' and 'Durex Condoms' to protect the flock from 'The Inferno' of overpopulation by manufacturing Durex Brand...
Following on the heels of Pope Benedict's decision to allow condom use in certain circumstances to guard against the spread of AIDS and other communicable sexual diseases, the Pope has made another landmark decision. The Pope has declared that a s...
Pope Benedict XVI, Captain of all the Catholics, has sensationally revealed that the churches stance on condom use may finally be updated. Until now condoms have been viewed as the Devils sheath. A tool of the gay and promiscuous, morally unaccept...
The Pope, Ratty Von Smallhausen, has issued a clarification of his position on condoms. Pope Von Smallhausen said "Condom use is perfectly acceptable in the following situations: for drug mules, stag-dos and for practical jokers." "Obviously, if a...
VATICAN CITY - Pope Benedict XVI just increased his popularity by about 500 percent after announcing that he has decided to allow males permission to use condoms. The Pope, aka Joseph "Joey" Aloisius Ratzinger, told a reporter for the Venice Gondo...
With the advent (no pun intended) of the new full-body scanning technology being used by worldwide airports, the Pope has asked makers of the devices to set aside several hundred for purchase by the Vatican. Using the excuse that one can never be...
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