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Funny satire stories about Supermarkets

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Funny story: Asda Offers Job Help to Bankers

Asda Offers Job Help to Bankers

Supermarket titan Asda has offered a lifeline to bankers left redundant as a result of the economic crisis, with the announcement of new employment opportunities. Asda said "we are delighted to be helping out bankers in their current straitened ti...

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Funny story: Pamida Junior Manager Proud Of New Toilet Plan

Pamida Junior Manager Proud Of New Toilet Plan

Hershaletta Henderson, 36, junior manager for Stringtown, Tennessee's Pamida store, told Stringtown Banner reporters Monday that she is very happy with her revamped work toilet policy, calling the poor-man's Wally-Mart company's previous guidelines "...

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Funny story: Santa shops at Aldi

Santa shops at Aldi

A recent press release from the British discount supermarket chain, Aldi, has revealed that Father Christmas shops for all his Christmas goodies at their Redditch store. "We were quite surprised to see him," said Ahem Malud, manager of the store.

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Funny story: Supermarket Giant Puts Bush Meat On The The Menu For Poverty Stricken Brits

Supermarket Giant Puts Bush Meat On The The Menu For Poverty Stricken Brits

London, England - A delegation of workers from a leading supermarket chain is claiming that their bosses are to introduce African bush meat onto British supermarket shelves in the run up to Christmas. 'They say it's a cheap source of protein,' sai...

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Funny story: Beaver Creek To Possibly Undergo Some Changes

Beaver Creek To Possibly Undergo Some Changes

The mayor of Beaver Creek, South Carolina has announced that the entire town could be replaced in the near future by a super-dooper-Wally-Mart. "The city council and I have seen the plans and they look great", stated Mayor Halls. "Instead of ju...

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Funny story: Wales Ban Plastic Bags

Wales Ban Plastic Bags

With news that Climate Change may destroy civilisation, and that rising oil prices may destroy civilisation and the credit crunch may destroy civilisation, the National Assembly of Wales said, after prayers, that it would tackle plastic bags first.

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Funny story: Supermarket unveils new Environmental Policy

Supermarket unveils new Environmental Policy

A superstore giant today unveiled its attempts to save the planet. With the British Government indicating that if the supermarkets do not control the number of plastic bags in circulation, then they will act, the supermarket chain has responded by pu...

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Funny story: Supermarket chain unveils new delivery service for the sick

Supermarket chain unveils new delivery service for the sick

The Bestco supermarket chain, best known for it's huge retail outlets erected on every available space and school football field, has decided to extend its home delivery service to the sick and dying. Explaining its thinking, the director of opera...

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Funny story: Beerswines and spirits

Beerswines and spirits

Halloween is coming up so I thought I'd send this in. The friendly "greeter" in my local supermarket mispronounced "Beers, wines and spirits" whilst on mic. It got me thinking and I wrote this: Beerswines and Spirits by Rob Barratt When the supermarket's quiet at the end of the day The beerswines and spirits all come out to play The swines drink their beer from a can with a widget Th...

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Funny story: Muslim Forklift Driver Sues Supermarket over Alcohol Handling

Muslim Forklift Driver Sues Supermarket over Alcohol Handling

A Saudi Arabian immigrant from Derby-on-Sea is suing a supermarket monopoly for religious discrimination after he was asked to handle crates of alcohol against his spiritual beliefs. Mohammed Ahmed, a former Mecca Ballroom pole dancer, now a resi...

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Funny story: SLAG's and TART's in battle for customers

SLAG's and TART's in battle for customers

It was revealed today that the paramilitary wing of the Sainsbury's Local chain had begun moving into Tesco's Metro held territories in North London. The Sainsbury's Local Assault Group, (SLAG), had succesfully attacked a Tesco Metro in Camden.

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Funny story: Shopping Trolley with one working wheel

Shopping Trolley with one working wheel

There was consternation in a London store today, when a shopping trolley was found to have only one working wheel. Sally Allports-South from the unnamed shop, where everything costs £1 takes up the story for us: 'Wayne, our trolley boy, was wheeli...

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Funny story: Red Grapes cause fight in a Supermarket

Red Grapes cause fight in a Supermarket

A fight broke out in the Shepton Mallet supermarket, following an argument over the last of the Red Grapes within the store. Peter Thin, and Sonia Wafer had their eyes on the last bunch of Red Grapes when Sonia saw the metaphorical red mist. She r...

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Funny story: Supermarket sponsors cell biology degree to safegaurd shoppers

Supermarket sponsors cell biology degree to safegaurd shoppers

A national supermarket is sponsoring a new degree in cell biology. Based on the the fact that all food products must by law have a sell by-date for sellers not to keep to, the supermarket is keen to employ graduates with an 'ology' in 'sell-by'.

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Funny story: Gordon Ramsay says "pah" to supermarket's "feed family for a fiver"

Gordon Ramsay says "pah" to supermarket's "feed family for a fiver"

Gordon Ramsay has pooh-poohed one of the big four supermarkets over its recent "feed your family for a fiver" promotion. The supermarket claims that for five pounds you can buy some sausages, sweet potatatos, brocolli and make a right mixture to f...

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Funny story: Supermarket In Cake Scandal

Supermarket In Cake Scandal

A leading supermarket has been forced to remove a large amount of cakes, fancies and pies from their shelves. The drastic move is the result of a Trading Standards investigation, following rumours that counterfeit goods have infiltrated high-stre...

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Funny story: Internet shopping van delivery driver sues supermarket over work practices

Internet shopping van delivery driver sues supermarket over work practices

Harry Van Dieselgaspetrol, a driver for the internet home shopping delivery service operated by a top supermarket, is suing the supermarket over their work practices. A writ has been issued today to the Cheshunt head office of the retail giant by...

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