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Funny satire stories about Security

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Funny story: Bush's G8 shambles

Bush's G8 shambles

St Petersburg, Russia - (AssoCIAted Mess): A post-prandial President George Bush was hurriedly packed off by G8 security men into Scare Force One today after taking the healing waters of St Petersburg Palace a little too seriously at Vladimir Sputum...

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Funny story: Customers Confused, Irritated by Troops at Retail Book Store Borders

Customers Confused, Irritated by Troops at Retail Book Store Borders

Ann Arbor, MI -- Security at book retail giant Borders has received a boon from the federal government this week amid calls by President Bush to further strengthen Borders nationwide. At a press conference last week, President Bush announced that he...

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Funny story: Bush Declares Barbary Pirates Newest Members of "Axis of Evil".

Bush Declares Barbary Pirates Newest Members of "Axis of Evil".

In a public statement which experts have anticipated for over a week, President Bush revealed that his administration considers the Barbary Pirates to be a grave threat to world peace and American security. "These unprincipled terrorists have no resp...

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Funny story: Suspect Arrested in Slaying of Nichole Brown Simpson

Suspect Arrested in Slaying of Nichole Brown Simpson

CNN BREAKING -> OJ Simpson celebrated the arrest of a possible suspect in the 1994 slaying of Nichole Simpson and Ron Goldman by renting an East LA Radisson ballroom and dancing around in full Roman Toga gear until hotel security forced him and hi...

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Funny story: NY Mayor calls Policeman's strike Illegal

NY Mayor calls Policeman's strike Illegal

It's Field Day For Felons as the city of 8 million finds itself protected by 1 lone security guard named Zeke who says "he ain't strike'n". Zeke Tatum, "the lobby guy" at the Stop n Shop is indeed the city's last...

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Funny story: Bill and Melinda Gate's 33 ft 'Guard Python' swallows intruder Alive

Bill and Melinda Gate's 33 ft 'Guard Python' swallows intruder Alive

Bill Gates told reporters, "By the time I got downstairs Slither had a bulge in her belly and a SMILE on her face. I'm sorry about the intruder, I don't know how he got in. I'll have to review video from our orbiting security...

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Funny story: War with Finland

War with Finland

In the wake of the mounting debt due to the war in Iraq and national security, President Bush has decided to declare war on Finland. So far as we know, Finland is not presenting any type of threat to the United States and is not harboring any terrori...

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Funny story: President Says He Approved Secret Spying to Nail His Enemies

President Says He Approved Secret Spying to Nail His Enemies

WASHINGTON (Reuters)--President Bush today acknowledged that he had unlawfully authorized the National Security Agency to spy on American citizens and legislators "because they are all out to get me and I have to nail them first."...

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Funny story: Michael Brown and Michael Chertoff Throw in the Towel

Michael Brown and Michael Chertoff Throw in the Towel

Federal Emergency Management Agency Director Michael Brown and Secretary of the Department of Homeland Security Michael Chertoff resigned their posts this morning under growing pressure from the four small companies that manufacture all the beads for...

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Funny story: Bush Demands Terrorist Suspects Eric Cane and Trina Be Apprehended Immediately

Bush Demands Terrorist Suspects Eric Cane and Trina Be Apprehended Immediately

After hearing of all the damage caused by Eric Cane and Trina, two presumably diabolical terrorist suspects who have caused extensive damage all along the Gulf Coast, President Bush called on the CIA, the FBI, and the Home Land Security Departments t...

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Funny story: Looters abandon Jet Skis, Bass Boats for Barges

Looters abandon Jet Skis, Bass Boats for Barges

New Orleans - Looters taking advantage of lax store security in downtown New Orleans have begun trading in their jet skis and bass boats in favor of river barges and other, hi-capacity, shallow-draft watercraft, according to police. One looter int...

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Funny story: Dennis Rader having tough time in El Dorado State Prison

Dennis Rader having tough time in El Dorado State Prison

EL DORADO, Kansas (AP) Within hours of arriving at the maximum security prison here Friday to begin serving the rest of his life in prison for 10 killings, BTK serial killer Dennis Rader has been the target of numerous assaults. During fingerprinting...

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Funny story: Study Reveals Actual Uses for General Motors OnStar System

Study Reveals Actual Uses for General Motors OnStar System

OnStar is the latest in technology for in-vehicle safety and security systems. In fact, OnStar brings together emergency service providers, wireless telephone, and satellite technologies to help protect drivers on the road and this option is now considered standard on many General Motors vehicles. From the preliminary data pulled from several OnStar information collection centers, social s...

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Funny story: Sandhurst stunt sparks security probe into Harry bomb scare

Sandhurst stunt sparks security probe into Harry bomb scare

A bomb dropped when Prince Harry was lost in training for over 7 hours yesterday. The Sandhurst alarm bells started ringing after Harry did not return from a rough and tough 5 mile cross country course which would normally take the most able cadets a...

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Funny story: Bush says Social Security Funds are ‘Missing'

Bush says Social Security Funds are ‘Missing'

At a press conference on Tuesday, George Bush admitted that Social Security funds, which have been borrowed from heavily by 5 different administrations, are "somewhere", but at this point he is not entirely sure where. " Alan Greenspan has said that...

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Funny story: Comprehensive Social Security Plan Enacted

Comprehensive Social Security Plan Enacted

President Busch and HHS Director Michael O. Leavitt unveiled a new plan to strenghten the Social Security system.

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Funny story: NBA Issues New Security Guidelines for All-Star Game

NBA Issues New Security Guidelines for All-Star Game

DENVER - League Commissioner David Stern will introduced the NBA's new security guidelines at a press conference that will kick start the all-star weekend. Called the Player Threat Alert (PTA), the guidelines will get a thorough test run at this week...

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