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Funny satire stories about Scotland

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Funny story: Susan Boyle In Violent Outburst Demolishes Scotland

Susan Boyle In Violent Outburst Demolishes Scotland

In scenes straight out of the Marvel's Avengers Assemble, Susan Boyle in a fit of rage destroyed the nation of Scotland over the weekend, but luckily there were no fatalities. Following months of gruelling work, SuBo as she is known to her fans had b...

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Funny story: Fossilised hot cross bun found on Isle of Canna

Fossilised hot cross bun found on Isle of Canna

Scotland - Archaeologists are playing down reports that the 25cm diameter artefuct is the legendary 'Cursing Stone of Scone' used by generations of monarchs during the Coronation Oath. It was found at an old graveyard on the partially inhabited is...

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Funny story: "Alex Salmond would do well to remember Panama.."

"Alex Salmond would do well to remember Panama.."

A friend told me about a week or so before we left that he couldn't quite believe it was actually happening and weren't we concerned about racism. I recall frowning with genuine confusion. It wasn't as though John had ever been one to over-dramatise, that always fell to his wife, Lucy, and even as we had this conversation, she was frantically talking to her mother, advising her where the 'Meni...

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Funny story: Leaked defence strategy leaves Alex Salmond credability in tatters

Leaked defence strategy leaves Alex Salmond credability in tatters

Documents leaked to The Herald newspaper this weekend have laid bare the morass of thinking at Holyrood that passes for policy these days. Alex Salmond has personally endorsed a scheme that would reverse the electricity grid back to wind turbines...

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Funny story: Homebuyers "Thin On The Ground"

Homebuyers "Thin On The Ground"

Astonishing research released today demonstrates that home buying really does affect Scots' figures. Scotland's surveyors have reported optimism among house sellers, despite buyers remaining "thin on the ground". The Royal Institution of Charte...

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Funny story: Scotland independence bid to boost UK Eurovision Song Contest hopes

Scotland independence bid to boost UK Eurovision Song Contest hopes

Scotland's bid for independence from the UK was claimed to be a 'scam' last night by a music business insider. The insider who refused to be named said that the plan is for Scotland to get independence, eventually followed by Wales and Northern Ir...

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Funny story: Rangers' chairman devises plan to pay clubs tax bill

Rangers' chairman devises plan to pay clubs tax bill

Rangers chairman Craig Whyte has revealed to close friends how he plans to pay the tax bill that forced the Scottish Premier League Champions into administration, forcing the SPL to deduct them 10 points. A friend of a friend of a friend of a frie...

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Funny story: The Adventure Of The Missing Christmas Goose Pt IX; A Festive Shylock Humes Mystery

The Adventure Of The Missing Christmas Goose Pt IX; A Festive Shylock Humes Mystery

Falling, I fell forever into fathomless blackness. Tumbling, I was helpless. Into what, I could not know, only that plunge I must, and for eternity. Was this Hell itself, was it Pandaemonium through which I plummetted? And yet, there were glimpses, terrible, desperate fleeting visions, of a world so dear. Of a world forever closed to me. Our bedroom, at home, the smell of lavender. The lovely f...

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Funny story: Trumpster 'Tee-D Off'

Trumpster 'Tee-D Off'

Donald Trumpster has once again attacked Scotland; this time over its plans to build thousands of offshore high velocity wind farms.  The wind swept hair guru wrote an terse letter to first minister Dillon Salmon about the proposed plans to develo...

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Funny story: England Prepares For Scottish Independence

England Prepares For Scottish Independence

On Burns Night, 2012, the BBC broadcast to English viewers and listeners, Scotland's First Minister, Alex Salmond, reading poems by Robert Burns. Few will forget the chilling threat that followed this attack. 'Ah will continue tae reid th' poems ay Rabbie Burns at ye sassenachs,' vowed a visibly crazed Mr Salmond, 'until Scootlund achieves independence. Indeed,' he added, with wild eyes bulging...

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Funny story: Tennis: Scottish Man almost British after five set classic

Tennis: Scottish Man almost British after five set classic

In an amazing match that finished at almost 1am local time, Andy Murray narrowly missed out on being labelled 'British' by newspapers with editorial offices in England (and predominantly London) but is still scottish after a five set defeat to Novak...

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Funny story: More Haggis Eaten In England Than Scotland

More Haggis Eaten In England Than Scotland

England has overtaken Scotland as the top market for that iconic Scots dish, Haggis. Midlothian-based MacSween produces 1,000 tons of the "chieftain o' the puddin' race" every year, which is enough for about five million portions. But 60 per cent...

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Funny story: First Scottish embassy to be sited at Fishmongers Hall

First Scottish embassy to be sited at Fishmongers Hall

Edinburgh - Police are probing reports that some very fishy-sounding people have taken over the Scottish government and are preparing to open the country's first embassy in a souped-up former aquarium at London Bridge. Fishmongers Hall is the SNP...

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Funny story: Scotland join Africa Cup of Nations

Scotland join Africa Cup of Nations

British team Scotland were last minute entries to the African Cup of Nations today, as they pursued their bid to get independence from the United Kingdom. Scotland First Minister Alex Salmond started the ball rolling two weeks ago when he pushed P...

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Funny story: Ed Milipede leadership debate on Scottish tv improved 100% by sex scene.

Ed Milipede leadership debate on Scottish tv improved 100% by sex scene.

Television viewers were overjoyed last night when a sex scene appeared in the background during a boring news debate. A naked blonde woman could be seen on a studio TV screen as Ed Milipede's leadership of the Labour Party was debated on McScottis...

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Funny story: Scotland independence would raise the 'happy index' in the UK

Scotland independence would raise the 'happy index' in the UK

Scientists claimed today that Scotland leaving the UK will increase levels of happiness in the UK by up to 0.3%. Currently, with Scotland in the UK happy index, the figure stands at 3.9%, but were the sassanachs to go solo, deducting their low rat...

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Funny story: Salmond Will "Batter" MPs

Salmond Will "Batter" MPs

AS the debate on the Scottish referendum kicks off in earnest, SNP leader Alec "Fishy" Salmond has issued a stark warning to the Westminster government: "I'll batter those stuck up Tory English c***s!" In a speech to party faithful at the 300-Year...

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