The Orange is disappointed that she has got pointy ends, She thinks that she is too round, unlike her lemony friends She thinks they look much nicer, with their pointy polar nips And she wishes she had some too; it really gives her the pips. The banana is too bendy, the apple? again too round. She wants to have a zesty zing at twenty pence per pound. But then again, an orange is nicer...
I Googled my own name today to see what I could find. Apparently I'm a boxer, not a dog, but the pugilistic kind. The next line down says I'm a bloke from the antipodes but I've never even been there, I'm sure, but I have been overseas. Although I haven't seen Connecticut, that's where number three is from. He's a leader in his chosen field; I wish that I had one. All these blokes who...
MAIEUTICS is the kind of word that you shouldn't use in Scrabble. Everyone will think you're an arse, and it will only get you into trouble Even if you genuinely know it or it was just a random guess They will all talk at you in stentorian tones of your sesquipedalian excess Don't use words like "epiphenomenal," "diegetic" or "proprioceptive." too It's just that kind of malarkey that will...
An Ode to a Certain Malevolent Maladie on the Occasion of a Major Epidemic that has Acquired a Pathogenicity that Imperils Mankind Across the Globe and May Destroy Civilization as It Is Known to Us Presented in Its Entirety by the Poet Laureate on the Mundane, the Preposterous, and the Absurd: Sir Percival Blink, Esq. to His Most Excellent, Gracious Majesty, Humbert II, as He Succumbs to Ye Ol...
Tony was gone. It was my time to shine. Move to the house between 11 and 9. Go to the Queen in a fancy car. Everyone's talking about me. At last I'm a star. Then things got squiffy. The economy crashed, the mistakes I made as Chancellor trashed the economy system. All was in flames. Some pointed fingers. Others shouted names. I? I worked on. As the war lumbered on. Northern Rock alrea...
In every single way but one, I'm just like Sherlock Holmes. But then again I don't play the violin or peruse his weighty tomes. But I do so love a good mystery when the circumstance allow although I can not solve them, I'm just like him anyhow. NO, I haven't got a deerstalker and I've never stalked a deer. If that is why he wore that hat, the inference wasn't clear. I've never lived...
Winter has had enough of itself; it wants to do something else nothing drastic or abnormal like be a businessman or an elf. It just wants to have a crack at being something new, like spring or autumn, that would be cool, and cool is one thing he can do. It's not very sure if summertime, is something that it could pull off, and anyway he would only miss the fireworks and all th...
Quelle the hell is going on with France? Why is it such a ponce? They were fine enough in 'Allo Allo' So I shall say zis only once. Get a grip you silly froggies and stopping acting like your better. You don't see England cycling round in a beret and stripy sweater. Avec your garlic and your froggy legs et votre escargot in butter, And your always so "je ne sais quoi" We Brit'...
If you are so flipping sleepy, why don't you go to bed? Instead of sitting on the sofa with your nodding donkey head. I daren't turn the TV over, while you're curled up like a heap. But I was watching that, do you mind? But you were sound asleep. No I wasn't! Yes you was, You were all closed eyes and snoring But I was listening to the adverts 'cos they're usually so boring. But I've...
The job is hunting, this sporting lie, that's the job for me. Just to get an interview is like winning the lottery …and Hang around the job centre, you feel a scrounging skank so if I want to come into money, I should take my matter to the bank. Under starters orders every morning of the week, faint heart never won fair wage, but blessed are the meek On the oche! At the gate. My tigers...
Fags and booze were best of mates, back in the good old days. When pubs were thick with thick blokes and a thicker smoky haze. Smoking indoors and having a drink is what it was all about. Have a smoke, have a pint, by the way, I think it's now your shout. But fags have now been relegated, just like a losing football team, they stand outside, looking through the glass while booze st...
An Ode to a Certain Malevolent Fevere on the Occasion of a Major Epidemic that has Acquired a Pathogenicity that Imperils Mankind Across the Globe and May Destroy Civilization as It Is Known to Us Presented in Its Entirety by the Poet Laureate on the Mundane, the Preposterous, and the Absurd: Sir Percival Blink, Esq. to His Most Excellent, Gracious, and Hornie Majesty as He Recovers from His F...
An Ode to Dengue Hemorrhagic Fever on the Occasion of a Major Emerging Vector-borne Disease that has Acquired a Pathogenicity that Imperils Mankind Across the Globe and May Destroy Civilization as It Is Known to Us Presented in Its Entirety by the Poet Laureate on the Mundane, the Preposterous, and the Absurd: Sir Percival Blink, Esq. to His Most Excellent and Gracious Majesty, Bruce III, as...
An Ode to Eastern Equine Encephalitis on the Occasion of a Major Epidemic that has Acquired a Pathogenicity that Imperils Mankind Across the Globe and May Destroy Civilization as It Is Known to Us Presented in Its Entirety by the Poet Laureate on the Mundane, the Preposterous, and the Absurd: Sir Percival Blink, Esq. to His Most Excellent and Gracious Majesty as He Lies Dying from an Incurabl...
Bad Poetry Corner Twas 2090 and on Mark's deaf bed Not a brain cell was stirring His Blackberry was dead; All the stock in the Spoof was at a $.99 Per share, with no Bad Poetry Corner The readers didn't care When up on the roof there arose such a Clatter Mark sprung from his bed of nails to see what was the matter THen what to his dottering eyes should appear but Fergus McCarth...
I love you, mammy, sweet and true, When I wet my shorts you clean my poo. So I sing this little happy song My Mammy and me we just clap along. I love you, mammy, so very much, For you kiss my forehead with a piggy's touch. When I go to school you make sandwiches, And sew my torn trousers with fine stitches.. I love you, mammy, short and sweet, You tuck me in at night and rub my...
Emails, text messages, folders and files, They just organise your life in measure of toils, But a pig in the muck lives happy and free Grunting in poo-poo is more fun, you'll agree. Oinky snort Timetables, wall charts, meetings and strategies I'd much rather slop about up to my knees, So why bother with late nights and all of that stress, When you could be a piglet and wallow in mess.
Get Spoof News in your email inbox!
We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.
