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Funny story: Chief Whip to attempt Knievel-style jump of Whitehall gate

Chief Whip to attempt Knievel-style jump of Whitehall gate

After yet another abortive attempt by Andrew Mitchell to use the main vehicle gate into Whitehall, the two sides of the Gate Gate conflict have have been outlining their next move. The police have reiterated their determination not to open the Big...

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Funny story: Revolting Plebs Outraged

Revolting Plebs Outraged

The newly appointed leader of the British Plebs Independent Party (BLIP) has accused the government of using insulting language to attempt to undermine Blip's growth. Joe Prole, Blip's charismatic top man, issued a stinging rebuke to Adrian Mitche...

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Funny story: Selected Political News for W/E 16th Sept 2012 + comments

Selected Political News for W/E 16th Sept 2012 + comments

Monday 10th September Topic: Ed Balls - Labour - Nick Clegg - Vince Cable Headline "Labour would govern with the Lib Dems "today" if they dumped Nick Clegg for Vince Cable, Ed Balls has declared." Source: The Sun Extract: In a mischievous move, the shadow Chancellor heaped praise on the left-leaning Business Secretary to split the struggling Libs Dems. He said Dr Cable "put his country firs...

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Funny story: Reshuffled cabinet members named

Reshuffled cabinet members named

Prime Minister David Cameron has today announced the new members of his cabinet. Out go the old, and in come the, er, old, into jobs they know nothing about, mainly to afford them a substantial increase in salary and pension contributions between now...

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Funny story: Cabinet reshuffle confirmed as Mr Cameron is taken away to help police with enquiries

Cabinet reshuffle confirmed as Mr Cameron is taken away to help police with enquiries

Prime Minister David Cameron has today confirmed his cabinet reshuffle. At a press conference early this morning, attend mainly by members of the press, Mr Cameron confirmed that his old cabinet had been effectively "thrown out the window of numbe...

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Funny story: Quentin Kelp MP - Faliraki Economic Conference

Quentin Kelp MP - Faliraki Economic Conference

Dear Constituents I have had a very busy week and it's all because I launched Kelpileaks. The KelpiLeaks "Bullshit and Disinformation File" is clearly the most popular section and I already have such a fast growing network of volunteers feeding in 5 Star Bullshit that I was thinking of recalling Anthea (my PA) from her holiday in Faliraki (which is somewhere in Greece) to deal with the respo...

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Funny story: Quentin Kelp MP - Leaks and Red Curtains

Quentin Kelp MP - Leaks and Red Curtains

Dear Constituents I have had a very busy week trying to find reasons not to stay in the house. This is partly due to trying to avoid my wife who is constantly asking when we intend to go and visit her mother in Macclesfield. Apparently (quote): "September is nearly on us, autumn is around the corner, the schools will be going back, half term will soon be upon us, Guy Fawkes night is waitin...

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Funny story: Britain has no sailors for our subs - emergency recruitment planned!

Britain has no sailors for our subs - emergency recruitment planned!

The United Kingdom armed forces have been decimated by recent cuts with unforeseen consequences. An average nuclear-powered hunter-killer sub requires a crew of 76 and a Trident sub needs a crew of 142 men and women. The above numbers do not in...

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Funny story: Quentin Kelp MP - Deck Chairs & Blissful Indifference

Quentin Kelp MP - Deck Chairs & Blissful Indifference

Dear Constituents I have had a very busy week and should really take a break away from the pressure of constituency work. But duty calls and, anyway, my wife thinks we should visit her mother in Macclesfield. My impending visit to Greece in time for their next bailout or complete exit from the Euro sounds like my best chance for fun before Parliament re-opens. By the way, explaining whe...

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Funny story: Selected Political News for W/E 12th August 2012 + comments

Selected Political News for W/E 12th August 2012 + comments

Monday 6th Aug Topic: Headline "29 councils axe pest control" Source: The Sun Extract: Twenty-nine pest control departments across the UK have closed in two years. And society's most vulnerable - families who cannot afford to pay private firms to control vermin - are most in danger. The British Pest Control Association warned that illnesses such as Weil's Disease could increasingly be s...

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Funny story: Quentin Kelp MP - Donkey Sports & The Olympics

Quentin Kelp MP - Donkey Sports & The Olympics

Dear Constituents I have had a very hectic week and am now way behind with my Newsletters. This is because I have been focussing hard on my training for the 2016 Olympic Games. I reckon four years should be enough for me to qualify for Team GB although we first need to get my sport recognised by the IOC. As a sport, donkey dressage, donkey cross-country and donkey show jumping is not as r...

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Funny story: Kenyan MP's get luxury chairs paid for by charity!

Kenyan MP's get luxury chairs paid for by charity!

Kenya's new, refurbished parliament and the MP's that sit in there have been rewarded for their outstanding, dedicated work to mankind with new chairs worth $3000 dollars, per bum! The chairs are actually worth more than the average Kenyan coffee pic...

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Funny story: Selected Political News for W/E 5th August 2012 + comments

Selected Political News for W/E 5th August 2012 + comments

Monday 30th July 2012 Topic: Benefits Headline: Source: The Sun Extract: 900,000 Brits have been on the sick for more than ten years - with hundreds claiming cash for obesity, headaches and even ACNE. And there are virtually no checks to see whether the 885,100 people who have received incapacity benefit for a decade still need it. The figure includes 22,640 alcoholics and drug...

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Funny story: MPs sickened by Vertigo

MPs sickened by Vertigo

A British poll that resulted in Alfred Hitchcock's Vertigo being named as the greatest film of all time has caused outrage in the British parliament. Culture Secretary Jeremy Hunt agreed to demands yesterday from furious MPs for a judicial inq...

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Funny story: Olympic flame extinguished, David Beckham loses backup flame

Olympic flame extinguished, David Beckham loses backup flame

There's the Olympic cauldron but the Olympic flame is no more. The shocking news that the Olympic flame has been extinguished and the British Olympic organizers can't light it again due to David Beckham losing the only backup flame has just been l...

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Funny story: Latest from the political scene

Latest from the political scene

David Cameron is the leading contender for this years Robert Muggabe Mud Hut award. The prestigious award has previously been given to Butcher Blair, George W Bush, Gordon (one eye) Brown to name but a few. Each winner is given his own personal hu...

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Funny story: Quentin Kelp MP - Greek Philosophy, Tax and Haemorrhoids

Quentin Kelp MP - Greek Philosophy, Tax and Haemorrhoids

Dear Constituents I have had such a hectic week and am now well behind with my newsletters. You might have thought I had already forgotten about you what with the summer recess and the sun shining but this is far from the truth. The sun will continue to shine ever brightly through my regular Newsletter. I'm off to Greece in a week or so, on a fact-finding visit. It's also so that I can...

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