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Funny satire stories about Language

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Funny story: In praise of the word Fuck.

In praise of the word Fuck.

Perhaps one of the most interesting words in the English language today is the word, "Fuck". It is one magical word: Just by its sound, you can describe, pain, pleasure, hate and love. Fuck, like most words in the English language, takes its name from the German word, "Friken" which means to strike. In language, Fuck falls into many grammatical catagories. It can be used as a verb, both intr...

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Funny story: Proof Readers Gazette

Proof Readers Gazette

Hello! And welcom to our fist adition of Poof Readers Gazelle. In a pact addition, we will bee lookin at weys of improving pruf reading and the spotting of misteks and punctuation our business is hard on the eyes and we recomand you have reguler cheek ups. We can give you a lost of top opticians in your aria and you get a discout if you mention our mag. Mr Spoon of Bristols, will be...

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Funny story: "Assange" added to dictionary

"Assange" added to dictionary

The verb "to assange" has been officially added to the Oxbridge English dictionary this week, in honour of the whiney attention-seeker Julian Assange. "To assange" is officially defined as "to act in a criminal manner and then to behave smugly and...

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Funny story: Foul Words to be Universally Banned

Foul Words to be Universally Banned

What has this world come to where saying phrases such as "go fuck yourself you bastard" and "doo-doo butter" are against the law? Pretty soon children won't even be able to take candy from strangers in creepy vans anymore. What happened to the good o...

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Funny story: Lack of Vocabulary Means Metaphors Come True

Lack of Vocabulary Means Metaphors Come True

BIRMINGHAM - Across the country, metaphors are becoming true due to lack of vocabulary in citizens. The average person has roughly 5000 words in their vocabulary, with university students having 8000, and chavs having fifteen. Due to this lack...

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Funny story: Emma Thompson's Language Jibe Backed By Expert

Emma Thompson's Language Jibe Backed By Expert

A top elocution expert has backed actor Emma Thompson's broadside against modern teen speak. Thompson, speaking to pupils at her old school, complained that filling sentences with expressions "like" and "innit" made young people sound stupid. A...

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Funny story: Moaning

Moaning

Some linguists say language came about as an imitation of natural sounds -howling, ‎barking, baying, etc. On the other hand, bible says people, at the beginning, spoke one ‎language! One day, they decided to build a tower to reach heaven. God didn't like it at ‎all, so he 'confound their ‎language', and, thus, people ceased to 'understand one ‎another's speech'. ‎ Whatever. We may safely presum...

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Funny story: Clare Balding in tragic grammar accident

Clare Balding in tragic grammar accident

Clare Balding, the famous lesbian who is no longer travelling by bicycle, is the victim of a tragic accident of grammar. "I have contracted a comma between my first name and my surname" She announced on Twitter. "It is apparently rare - but as Cl...

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Funny story: Editors, Some People Say, That it is Believed That Many are of the Opinion that Weasel Words Should be Eliminated, Most Feel

Editors, Some People Say, That it is Believed That Many are of the Opinion that Weasel Words Should be Eliminated, Most Feel

Many editors, experts declare, and it is often reported, that what it is widely thought to be "weasel words" should be eliminated, research has shown. "Science says that weasel words, it was proven, present what can appear to be supporting opinion...

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Funny story: Sí, lo soy, ich bin ine Le Englander, tout le monde, terminó it's rascist now, capice? Mon deu!

Sí, lo soy, ich bin ine Le Englander, tout le monde, terminó it's rascist now, capice? Mon deu!

Une Language de Angletair ist finito daman unt herren, Le Government de Isle d'Inghilterra avec Europäisches Parlament dans le city of Brussels, says le grand NON. Nicht mehr parlez English at all, full stop, as it is now considered racist to spe...

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Funny story: Manc Claims 'It's Not Us With The Speech Impediment -- It's The Scousers.'

Manc Claims 'It's Not Us With The Speech Impediment -- It's The Scousers.'

Mancunian newspaper vendor, Johnny Trousers, of Ardwick Green today categorically denied that Mancunians have a speech impediment, and the real problem in that department lies with Scousers. "We're all right mate, we are, us," Trousers said. "It's...

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Funny story: Is it a gas - or is it a fart?

Is it a gas - or is it a fart?

Well, think about it. There are both American/Canadian and British writers on this site. Probably even more nationalities....but it crossed my mind...and that of others...that...even though we THINK we are speaking the same language....we are most definitely NOT. In England a 'fanny' is a 'vagina' In America a 'fanny' is a 'butt' In England a 'butt' is a 'fag end' In America a 'fag e...

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Funny story: Report: Most English Speakers Don't Find English Humor Funny

Report: Most English Speakers Don't Find English Humor Funny

In an recent report by the Society for the Promotion of English Language Humor it was revealed that most of the world's English speakers don't find English humor funny. The most cited reason was "Humor Subject Matter Unintelligible" with "Vulgar and...

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Funny story: The English Don't Speak English Like What It Ought To Be Spoke

The English Don't Speak English Like What It Ought To Be Spoke

The English today confounded the world by admitting that the English what they talk doesn't quite Thomas O'Malley wiv the English like wot the rest of the world speaks coz it's not proper. And that. Innit. The debate was sparked by an internet blo...

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Funny story: Pole: Most Amerikan Students Think Inglish is Not Impotant

Pole: Most Amerikan Students Think Inglish is Not Impotant

In a new Gallop pole, the nashun's teenajers have voised there opinyun that skool does not provide a valuble edukashun. Allthoe Amerika's teens beleve thay is better off now than thay was before there skooling began, more beleve the edukashun sist...

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Funny story: Canada Places New Restrictions on Use of "eh?"

Canada Places New Restrictions on Use of "eh?"

Canada's Culture Minister Kevin Krueger today announced that Canadians will no longer be allowed to use the expression "eh?" with abandon: "I believe that this linguistic identifier places Canadians at a disadvantage in the English-speaking world, eh...

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Funny story: NOW they want to band the word "now"!

NOW they want to band the word "now"!

PC DO-GOODERS AT THE OXFORD ENGLISH DICTIONARY have officially announced the banning of the word "now" as of midnight tonight. They claim the word has lost all of its currency due to cod-dramatic overuse in right-wing tabloids, and as such will egg...

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