AUSTIN (Kitteh Network News) After a weekend full of harsh criticism on the internet for advising state employees to ignore the Supreme Court ruling in favor of marriage equality, Governor Greg Abbott and Attorney General Ken Paxton wasted no time in...
Pope Francis has seen the light and decided to be the first one who puts his mouth where his money is or is it the other way round? He has offered to resign and take a huge step to make the world a better place! The Vatican have offered him 2 mill...
Accumulating a huge mass of knowledge in its 17 years of existence, the Internet giant Google has officially made itself the greatest source of knowledge in the entire universe, surpassing even that of Douglas Adam's giant planet computer in Hitchhik...
In a shock announcement this morning God announced his resignation over the outcome of the UK General Election in which David Cameron was reelected with an overall majority. An angel appeared in our offices this morning with the announcement, whe...
Last year, archaeologists digging in Iraq near Al Kifi discovered what they claimed was the tomb of the Hebrew Prophet Ezekiel. World media made light of the find because it had always been believed that the great prophet was buried in England at Wes...
In a stunning announcement, God, the creator of all things, admitted that dinosaur bones are really just "gag props" that he created in the soil for us to find. "Sorry if I just spoiled your childhood" God said with a chuckle. Asked why he...
Wow - I just realized that God has to be Hispanic! I mean - otherwise he would have named his only kid God Junior or at least some common name of those times- like Joshua or Peter or Moishe -any thing but Jesus(unless he was Hispanic). What made me think of this was I was watching the Los Angeles marathon last week and at least fifty percent of the people had to be Hispanic -and at least fif...
The scene was reminiscent of a European Cup soccer final as hundreds of scientists leapt into the air screaming and shouting and hugging each other as sheaves of paper drifted through the air. It all happened at their research centre in Geneva at...
The Vatican -- The Roman Catholic Church has given up Lent. In an unprecedented financial maneuver, Pope Francis has turned over the 40 day, 40 night period of atonement to the Church of Scamatology. The sale price was $69 billion. That buys the...
The Vatican well known for it's lofty metaphysical discussions about the meaning of life like whether children will go to hell for masturbating and if women's orgasm are sinful and important philosophical quandaries like that - has now turned to deep...
Last night, the whole of Europe was brought to a standstill when, exactly at midnight, a white-haired, bearded figure appeared on every television set on the continent. Crowds poured out of pubs and restaurants, many of them hysterical; public transport came to a halt as millions gathered in city squares and churches. The Pope appealed for calm; but nobody was listening to him. The followi...
Jerusalem-God resigned today, citing the appalling murders, rapes and tortures carried out everywhere in His Holy Name. "I just can't take it anymore," the Deity said, speaking from a conveniently burning bush near the Golden Dome in Jerusalem. "...
On the evidence of the witness who inhabited the flat beneath the defendant's the judge had no hesitation but to refer the defendant for psychiatric evaluation. The charges of malicious damage to property and disturbing the peace were dropped on compassionate grounds. The judge had reached the decision after questioning the witness thoroughly and allowing his tape recording of the events leadi...
Heavensgate - Every morning just after sunrise, says Christopher Hitchins, he and the entire heavenly host gather with their harps and neatly folded wings at the edge of a convenient cloud. Then as they drink their coffee and enjoy the air, they laug...
Texas Senator Ted Cruz was appointed the chair of the Senate subcommittee on Space, Science and Competitiveness last week - which means he will be in charge of overseeing space agency NASA in Congress. He announced; "As the new head of The Commit...
Idiot: "God created the brain in seven days y'all!" Neuroscientist: "Y'all are a schmuck!" 1. The keys to modern biology were not delivered by genome sequencing, but by a series of prior conceptual advances (Darwin, Mendel, Fisher, Morgan, Crick etc). 2. Tracing wires in 3 dimensions to learn how neurons are connected is overkill: like genome sequencing by X-ray crystallography. Almost al...
Catholics around the world have been screaming "blasphemy" all day after it was revealed that the Vatican will reboot the Bible next year and write a new "more modern" version if it for release in the summertime. The Vatican made the decision du...
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