A study by researchers into US dietary control has revealed that there are now more people than ever before, who just can't walk past a burger establishment without going in and purchasing a meal that a normal family could live off for a week. Out...
In a major embarrassment for the Ministry of Defence, the new head of the British Army, General Sir Baldrick Brick-Shithouse, has been forced to purchase a new XXXXL uniform, due to the ever increasing size of his girth; and this comes only days afte...
Put down the sushi and grab a Big Mac, fries and a shake: Researchers at McDonalds have finished a yearlong study that correlated body fat with male sexual prowess. Their findings may surprise you: Fat men were able to make love for an average of...
In an attempt to take advantage of the press for The Expendables, and new movie titled The Expandables will open this Friday. The film, which has nothing at all to do with a bunch of old action stars, will feature the talents and fat rolls of severa...
Sooner or later it was bound to happen. Death by vuvuzela. Sad news. The world's fattest woman [WFW] is dead. Vuvuzela'd to death by her over-eager lover - the worlds fattest man [WFM]. A disconsolate WFM wept torrents as he told paramedics:...
TV heavyweight Eamonn Homes has launched a scathing attack on unfunny impressionist Jon Cortshort after a televised show in which Cortshort appeared to mock the overweight presenter. In a series of sketches Cortshort, who uncannily has the same vo...
Sherri Shepherd, the amorphous blob best known for firing bean farts into Star Jones' old chair on ABC's The View, announced in divorce court today that she found photos of her husband having sex with another woman. "At first, I didn't know what...
Thames Water, the London-based Filth Farming Firm, has reported record fat harvests this season. The company's Fat Force - their fat-harvesting workers otherwise known as the Lard Legion - have been working overtime in the sewers beneath Leicester...
Donna Simpson, 42, weighs more than 600 pounds, and aims to reach 1,000 pounds. The mother of 2, ages 3 and 14, who reportedly sweats Ranch dressing, models on a porn website where admirers and the holy-smokes-you're-a-damned-freak curious can pay...
By the way, everyone knows that she is 100% Chilean, right? I mean, she was adopted by an Italian family. That doesn't make her Italian. Hated Italian stereotype Nicole "Snooki" "Fat F-ck" Polizzi, the self proclaimed "Guidette" from Marlboro, New...
Los Angeles, CA - California is another state to recently take issue with a growing problem and aim legislation at it. Lest you think illegal immigrants are the problem, however, that is not the number one concern with Californians. No, California ha...
Ian Duncan Smith has launched a scathing attack on benefit claimants whom he described as mostly fat semi-criminals with aspirations no higher than finding the remote control or takeaway menu. Meanwhile he derided the activities of the more able as '...
Russell "Buddy" Jenkins hoisted himself out of his lawn chair to dig for another beer but all he found was some partially melted ice and a few empties. "I knew we were drinkin at a good pace, but I was shocked to find out that we finished off a 30...
After a recent report from two former Chiefs of Staff, retired Generals that American youths were becoming too fat to fight, both John Shalikashvili and Hugh Shelton had the shit beat out of them by two 300-pound 18-year-olds yesterday. Although t...
An overweight woman in Doncaster has given birth to a fat baby. Her husband is also a chubby lardass. Sharon Needadiet, 35, gave birth to Harry by caesarian section because she was too large to fit on a normal operating table. Harry weighed in at 13l...
In an explosive article that's sure to rock the rest of the World, Professor Jules von Liebentrop has categorically stated that 10 years of research in a pizza parlour has been worthwhile public spending. The USA is in fact full of morbidly obese...
It has finally been publicly announced that the signature cream filled sponge cake product Twinkies, "might be fattening," (along with Ding Dongs, Snoballs, and fruit pies.) The revelation came as a shock to dieticians and health care profession...
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