Authorities in Stornoway are seeking a legal expert named Solomon. They need the legal wizard to decide an argument between two women about who owns a cat. The case has dragged on for months as Della Macdonald and Nicola Dempster both claim own...
The Home Secretary has today announced a new initiative in partnership with Cat Protection, the UK domestic feline charity. From next year, all immigration centres will have their own catteries to help immigrants with no other excuse for staying i...
Frank and Louie, the 12 year old Janus cat with two faces has finally been put to sleep. The cat, who literally did have two faces, was destroyed by a vet in Massachusetts after his Worcester owner tired of his back stabbing. The feline, who li...
Theresa May has been found trapped inside a wheelie bin in Westminster, just 24 hours after her Tory Party Conference speech. The meanie Tory says she was dumped in the bin by a six foot Cat. But Cat lovers have said they don't believe this. Th...
Manchester - A rather flea-bitten mog with iffy ratting credentials is all that stands between David Cameron and immediate repatriation Home Secretary Theresa May has told the Conservative Conference. The 60-something politician - known as Cat Wom...
Bolivian actor and former domestic house cat Tiddles has been approaced by MGM executives with a view to becoming the next James Bond, it was exclusively revealed yesterday. Tiddles, who was deported recently in a mix up over immigration, current...
Cheryl Cole has again hit the headlines on the front page of The Sun today, following rumours that she has been having an illicit liason with failed asylum seeker Tiddles the Cat. Tiddles first rose to fame when he was deported instead of his own...
Government Minister Eric Pickles has found his wife's boy friend's Kitten in a dustbin in Leeds. This has led him to decide to introduce weekly bin collections in an effort the transform the Tory Image and to find more stranded kittens. 'At one bl...
Chiswick is facing it's biggest pussy crisis to date, according to local resident Flossie Clunge: "They sometimes keep me up all night" said Miss Clunge, a retired cleaner from Turnham Green. A refusal by owners to neuter their pussies is being c...
If there's one thing I can't stand, it's Jeremy Clarkson. Another thing I can't stand is the cat. Yes, the cat that sits on my window sill every evening and looks at me. I can feel its green eyes burning into my soul, while I'm heating the milk. Into my very soul, they burn, while the skin forms on the milk and it begins to rise dangerously high up the sides of the milk pan. Bastit, that was t...
British Formula 1 racing driver Lewis Hamilton has announced he is to marry a cat. The twenty-six year old 2008 Formula One World Champion who currently drives for McLaren made the surprise announcement to the press yesterday following widespread rum...
Renowned animal lover and cat collector Doris Day treated herself at home after she was scratched multiple times in what she claims was a coordinated attack by scores of cats that lived in two of the bedrooms of her three-bedroom $1.3 million dollar...
The Swedish Parliament has voted for a carrot to be the new Swedish ambassador. In second and third place were a cat and a Bob Marley CD. The Swedish Prime Minister said in a press conference that appearances can mislead and that the carrot is...
A Police helicopter that happened to be airborne in Oxfordshire was sent to deal with an incident of a 15 year old lad pulling the tail of a cat. Owner, Marge Marks, phoned the police about her cat's tail being pulled by the youngster and the deci...
Police were called out to a Golf Course near Reading when a passing golfer spotted a wildcat up a tree. Fearing the animal was about to pounce on children playing below with golf balls found lying about nearby, the Police called in the army so the an...
Local man, Martin Shuttlecock had given up all hope on the family's only remaining cat last week. The cat, Scrappy, daughter of the legendary Beryl, suffered a serious trauma last Tuesday, spending all night in the back garden and refusing all attempts to coax her back indoors. Early indications suggest that she had been bitten, although there were no immediately obvious injuries. At some po...
Scotland has been hit by a wave of wildcat strikes and the disruption is liable to last all summer. World famous naturalist Richard Attenborough, spokesman for the wildcats, explained the reason for their extreme action : "For years, wildcats t...
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