US stocks dropped across the board Monday after a US banking giant announced a massive Wall Street cull with a record 250,000 broker 'kill' permits issued amid concerns of a deepening you-know-what. The firm said that it hoped to eliminate about...
Wall Street, like a corpse awaiting autopsy on a slab, still shows occasional signs of disturbing life. The Dow Jones, the tachycardia machine of its life impulses, was almost disconnected when it dropped so many points that all specialists thoug...
Wall Street, in a surprising move today, declared itself a separate governing republic and detached itself from the US. Always considered a bulwark of staunch capitalism, recent economic downturns and the stimulants have changed the economic think…
The public's disgust in Wall Street workers has sunk to a record low following revelations that not one banker or stock broker had thrown themselves out the window following the world's recent market meltdown. "It's a disgrace" claimed veteran fun...
Wall Street came to a standstill last week when a stockbroker discovered that his pocket was full of shit. The markets briefly closed as the ensuing panic spread to other traders fearing that they too may be full of shit. One eyewitness said it...
New Yawk, NY-- Sesame Street is gone. The show is the latest victim of The Panic. Every single house on Sesame Street went into foreclosure, everyone has been evicted. Big Bird was sold to Perdue and Miss Piggy was sold to Tyson Foods. It emerge...
Rome - (Holy Shit! Mess): The Third Secret of Fatima will be finally revealed on Monday 13 October 2008. That is the view of Vatican astrologers currently doing a runner, emptying their JP Morgan bank accounts and heading for KGB safe-houses ahea...
Wall Street stopped all trading today when traces of melamine were found in several blue chip stocks. The NYSE began the day as usual with Mr Tu Bai, Chinese Chairman of White Rabbit Candy Company, ringing the opening bell. However, by 10:30 a.m. pan...
Seattle WA -- Software giant Macrosoft is the latest and the biggest victim of the crashing economy. The legendary computer giant filed for bankruptcy protection this morning after defaulting on $800 billion in debt. The Internet Explorer brows...
They say that in a socialist state everyone is equal, but some people are more equal than others and the same seems to be true today as all of us now seem to have been set up to bail out the elite monopolising socialist criminals in Wall Street. I...
From 3 pages to 300, from $700 billion to $850 billion, from bad to worse. Ok, folks, the bill approved by the Senate last night now looks like your run of the mill pork barrel spending, complete with concessions for wooden child arrows and those who bike to work (look it up, I'm not kidding). Oh, and the bill's suitably tied to a mental health initiative (you'd have to be nuts to make this st...
New York, New York - Today a militant group of Wall Street investment bankers dressed in black ankle length overcoats, wearing shaded sunglasses and gay fedora hats stood on the opening and closing balcony of the New York Stock Exchange. Overlooking...
Off-the-Wall-Street, NYC - (Go-Figure! Mess): City digit crunchers have discovered the world's biggest ever prime number after adding up the square roots of every known Wall Street balance sheet scam and multiplying it by the total of Manhattan ATM c...
Off-the-Wall-Street, NYC - (Ass Mess): "It's all in the initials!" FBI cryptographers commented today about their suspicions that Henry Kissinger, Bill Gates and Warren Buffet may well be the 'Real KGB' behind recent Wall Street turmoil. The topno...
Washington DC-- Congress was faced with the biggest challenge in generations over the weekend and decided to look away at the last minute. No one wanted to write a check for $700 billion! After a weekend of threats and tears, House Speaker Nancy Pel...
New York, New York - Stocks rose moderately before falling farther on the news that a toy-manufacturing company is following in the footsteps of billionaire Warren Buffett in restoring faith in turbulent financial markets. Only not by investing a com...
Off-the-Wall-St, NYC - (WTC Mess): The FBI is probing a huge fraud and cover-up involving collapsed Wall Street behemoths and luminaries of the prestigeous That's Rich! List global wealth rankings. Early reports indicate an unprecedented offshore...
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