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Funny satire stories about Security

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Funny story: Security service arrests Bush's crop-dusting coke dealer

Security service arrests Bush's crop-dusting coke dealer

Texas - (AssoCIAted Mess): George W Bush's crop-dusting coke dealer flew into trouble today after security service guards pounced near the presidential Predator Chapel Ranch home in Wacko, Texas.

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Funny story: We Know What You Did Last Summer - BT Admits Phorm Lies

We Know What You Did Last Summer - BT Admits Phorm Lies

Top telecoms provider Bangalore Telecom (BT) , India, has admitted after pressure from customers that it secretly used its customers data to test Phorm's data-pimping (see target-marketing under "buzzwords",source; BT sales management m...

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Funny story: The Liz and Phil Tapes

The Liz and Phil Tapes

LANGLEY, Virginia -- A classified recording from the National Security Agency (NSA) has recently surfaced. It was made during the May 2007 visit by Queen Elizabeth II and Prince Philip, Duke of Edinburgh to the United States. It has affectionately been dubbed the "The Liz and Phil" tapes.

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Funny story: Big Ben Attack Foiled

Big Ben Attack Foiled

An attempt to plant a bomb in the houses of parliament was foiled by the security service (MI5) at the week end as five terrorists attempted to enter the building from the roof. The five terror suspects abseiled down the south clock face of the Westm...

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Funny story: MackaFee Cyber Security Firm Calls it Quits

MackaFee Cyber Security Firm Calls it Quits

Chicago, Illinois (IP) - MackaFee internet security provider president Shmendrick R. Ipoff made a tearful appearance on I.P. News Network and confessed that his company is nothing but a rip off run by incompetent geeks and admitted that their softwar...

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Funny story: Buy our product or you will die!

Buy our product or you will die!

We are a country dominated by fear. I just watched a TV commercial for ADT Security Systems. The commercial portrays a hapless victim describing how thieves had broken into his home and stolen all his merchandise. Then he spoke about what could have happened if he and his wife were home! At this point the viewer is forced to imagine some horrific scene of extreme bloodshed and mayhem! If we d...

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Funny story: Heathrow Baggage Handlers Struggling To Pilfer Timeously

Heathrow Baggage Handlers Struggling To Pilfer Timeously

Management at Heathrow Airport have taken on an extra one hundred baggage-handling staff to 'rifle through' a backlog of thousands of items of luggage that has accumulated as a result of the recent te...

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Funny story: New Security Threat System Unveiled

New Security Threat System Unveiled

Security experts are meeting today to discuss the implementation of a new Terror Alert system. The current system, which has five levels ranging from 'Tickety-Boo' through to 'Critical' is claimed to be insufficient to meet the needs...

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Funny story: Iraqi Department of Motor Vehicles Security Enhanced Test Questions to Stop Car Bombers

Iraqi Department of Motor Vehicles Security Enhanced Test Questions to Stop Car Bombers

Instructions: Answer all questions truthfully, completely and to the best of your ability. Pencils only and no unnecessary marking on the test answer sheet. You have 30 minutes to complete all 10 questions. When you have completed the test, please take it to the nearest armored personnel carrier available. Good luck.

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Funny story: Barry Goldwater Rolls Over

Barry Goldwater Rolls Over

I rise today to discuss the National Security and Homeland Security Presidential Directive , signed on May 9, 2007 which declares that in the event of a "catastrophic event", George W. Bush can become what is best described as "a dictator". I refer you to the speach I made in 1964 at the Republican National nominating convention:...

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Funny story: American Idol Prompts Threat Level Increase

American Idol Prompts Threat Level Increase

The U.S. Department of Homeland Security increased the nation's threat level to "Lavender" following the elimination of Sanjaya Malakar on American Idol Tuesday night.

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Funny story: Mohammed Jones Tapped

Mohammed Jones Tapped

Eagle Eyed Security Guard Mohammed Jones has apparently been wire tapped by the National Security Agency Jones Graduated 2nd in his class at the University of Stroudsburgh majoring in...

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Funny story: May I see your papers!?

May I see your papers!?

A call for calm has been issued by Mr. Lockett, the Lower Trunion neighbourhood watch co-ordinator. The plea follows a spate of false alarms regarding bogus callers.

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Funny story: Save The Trees Before It's Too Late!

Save The Trees Before It's Too Late!

A couple months ago I was at Six Flags Amusement Park with my girlfriend. After coming off the Tilta-A-Wheel I headed for a nearby tree to steady myself. I pulled a couple of leaves off the tree. A smelly, unshaven, pot-bellied security guard spotted me and shouted, "Hey You!" At first I ignored him because I didn't realize I am the "you" he was referring to. He approached...

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Funny story: Ryder Cup Security Concerns

Ryder Cup Security Concerns

DUBLIN (Reuters) - Spectators at next month's Ryder Cup will be banned from carrying mobile rocket launchers, organisers have confirmed.

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Funny story: TSA bans gels, liquids at aircraft museums

TSA bans gels, liquids at aircraft museums

WRIGHT-PATTERSON AIR FORCE BASE, OHIO -- The U.S. Transportation Security Agency has imposed its ban on gels & liquids at aircraft museums. The national museum at Wright-Patterson Air Force Base was hardest hit by the new security measure. Museum di...

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Funny story: TSA imposes "5-day waiting period" on flyers

TSA imposes "5-day waiting period" on flyers

WASHINGTON, DC -- The U.S. Transportation Security Agency announced it will impose more airline restrictions following the terrorist threat in the United Kingdom. Beginning immediately, all passengers will be required to wait five days before travel...

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