The Vatican—Pope Francis today unveiled a ten-year-old Jesus whom, he explained, was cloned from a consecrated communion wafer blessed by Mother Theresa. The Vatican, to avoid too much publicity for the ten-year-old god, had kept the cloning under w...
President Trump will still be in office when freshman representative Ocasio-Cortez is set to retire. Nearly half a century of President Trump? How is this possible? President Trump has a knack of playing poker with others who are playing go fish.
The US politician who refused an interview with a female reporter unless she brought along a male chaperone, have aroused the suspicions of his wife, it seems. Robert Foster, a Republican candidate for Mississippi governor, told reporter, Larrison...
Much like the neuralyzer from Men in Black, Republicans have apparently come up with a device, called the Moralyzer, that allows Trump supporters to vote for a man completely devoid of character and morality, and forget that they once considered both...
"It's an outrage," said neoconservative congresswoman Nancy Hartwright of Oklahoma City regarding the dairy industry's practice of separating native-born baby cows from their American mothers shortly after birth. "This is something that should happen...
BuzzFeed—Jesus Christ, the Son of God, was detained by ICE today at the US-Mexico border for allegedly helping a migrant and her infant when He was caught by border patrol agents offering them water and sustenance. Jesus, said a spokesman for ICE, w...
Wheaton, IL—Biblical archeologists from Wheaton College have discovered, among a pile of scrolls in a ruin in Nazareth, a letter from the Virgin Mary to her cousin Elizabeth explaining why she had to abort her first child. In the scroll, the Virgin...
In lieu of abortion, United States Republicans have approved a new usage for fetuses that die while still in the womb. Under new guidelines, once the woman is executed for her miscarriage, she will be ground up in a mulcher and spread on the White H...
In the wake of Alabama's passing of the most restrictive anti-abortion laws in the nation, essentially outlawing abortion at every stage of pregnancy, even in instances of incest and rape, neoconservatives were dismayed when it occurred to them that...
Washington - After scoring huge propaganda wins by introducing and then defeating proposed legislation, including the unrefined “Green New Deal” and “Medicare for All” bills, Senate Republicans have brought to the floor, and then defeated, a bill dec...
Washington D.C. - Not to be outdone by their counterparts in the U.S. House of Representatives, who recently showed up at the Michael Cohen hearing with a poster reading "Liar Liar Pants on Fire", Republican Senators have once again proven that they...
“This man-woman is putting our entire freedom of the press at risk!” declared President Trump. “If we start letting confused, troubled people sell their secrets to Wikileaks in order to fund their sex-change operations, what’s next? Rigged elections?...
Matthew Whitaker, acting attorney general, was the powerless victim of pious Democratic scorn at Friday's House Judiciary committee hearing. He must have felt like an abortion rights or Free Speech advocate being skewered by Republicans at a compara...
Mitch McConnell, house leader of the Republican party has admitted that on conferences, the entire party dresses in blackface, and often with Indian feathers, too. "We love it," said party member Geoff White. "We're embracing our inner negro. It's...
Senior Republicans last night said that they had no idea that Rep. Steve King was a racist even though he wore Blackface to their last Halloween party. Party leaders said that Mr King had shocked them to their cores after saying in a New York Time...
Put your head up your ass (Simple Donald says) Shake your fists all about (Simple Donald says) Do it when Donald says (Simple Donald says) And you will never be out (Simple Donald says) I'd like to play a con That is so much fun And it's not...
Sociologists who examine cult phenomena have noticed similarities between the techniques of the Trump administration, the Republican Party, and Fox News: 1. They all illogically follow a leader who tells obvious falsehoods and is a blatant narcissicist and misogynist. 2. They both push books, supposedly instructive, that are loaded with bullshit. 3. The Trump administration and the "Chur...
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