A new combat force of highly trained prison pigeons is to be released around the walls of all UK prisons to combat illegal drones penetrating security because "pigs cannot fly" and prison officers neither! The Pigeon force will attack drones buzzi...
Mr Lawrence Ripple (Name not changed for legal reasons; this story is just so ridiculous it's true!) from Kansas, USA, decided to rob a local bank; not because he was destitute, bankrupt or just wanted to escape Trump bullshit, no! He robbed the b...
Police in Dorset have confirmed that escaped convicted killer Jamie Frater "could be a danger to the public". Which was received with a resounding cry of "no shit dick heads". Jamie has already absconded twice from open prisons was allowed to retu...
Jack Mehoff, a new prisoner at Oregon State Penitentiary, was involved with the escape of Dick Smalley, a psychopath who has killed over 46 people in Salem, Oregon. Charged for helping with an escape, he claims it was an accident, the main factor bei...
ARCAHATE, Haiti -- Two thousand naked Hatians forced their way past screws into the local jail here, Warden Yozambie Yomama said on the record. The interlopers were suffering from exposure, starvation, zombification, and the Clinton Foundation, a...
Willie Nelson was in Virginia for a concert and afterwards Governor Terry McAuliffe, who opposes marijuana legalization, visited Nelson for 10 minutes on Nelson's bus. On the table in the bus, less than 16" from where McAuffle was seated, was a 1/...
In a bold move to reduce prison violence, the British government has announced that it will be taking away guns and knives from prisoners. The policy, which will be introduced in early 2017, will mean that prisoners in UK jails will no longer be able...
The number of prisoners released in "error" is at an all time high according to statistics released by Westminster today. 65 inmates were released due to "clerical" and "official" errors but the majority were released due to bathroom windows being l...
Washington, D.C. - A recent study conducted by the U.S. Justice Department found that arrest rates for crimes of all sorts, in every major metropolitan area in the last five years, were way, way up! And the key reason seems to be the ridiculous fash...
"UK Prison Reform. A serious issue that needs to be taken seriously." (BBC London. 19/05/2016) Some suggestions. 1. Daily full body massages. 2. Freely available prostitutes. 3. Boxing stadiums. 4. Regular visiting entertainers like Rolf Harris or Boris Johnson. 5. Comprehensive menu prepared by Gordon Ramsay. 6. Wine, spirits and beer available with all meals. 7. Prescr...
Santa Claus has been detained after flying his sleigh under the influence, it has been reported. Claus, aged 1,744, from the North Pole, was intercepted by American jets and forced to land at Thule Air Base in the Qaasuitsup region of Northern Gre...
On November 11, a prison guard was highly mistaken for hitting an inmate so ferociously that it almost killed him. James Mauldin, a prison guard at the local county prison, was convicted late last night. He said that he was only showing the inmate...
Berkeley County, West Virginia - Following in the footsteps of Kim Davis, Berkeley County clerk, Jean Birman is refusing to issue birth certificates to children of unwed parents citing her ultra conservative religion. Her religion strongly condem...
An 18-year-old British teenager threatened to burn down Santa Claus' home and knife his elves after he gave him the wrong kind of trainers for Christmas. Jake Wilder travelled to the North Pole armed with a kitchen knife, screaming at Santa 'I'll...
Malone, NY - New York Police shot and killed one of the two escaped murderers from the Clinton Correctional Facility, Richard Matt, on Friday, only a few miles from the Canadian border - which would have surely been the end of the trail for all polic...
A convicted murderer walked out of an open prison by "asking the prison guards nicely to open the gate" and went to stay with a friend, a court heard. Police tracked down Kevin Williams at flats in Sheerness and instead of going back to Standford...
A pill which cures prisoners of the urge to commit crimes is to be given to all inmates of H.M.P Isle of Wight. The pill's effects, which although it has to be administered daily, mean that all prisoners will remain completely law abiding as long as...
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