A word to the wise to any potential caravan buyers out there. I got duped into buying a caravan against my better judgement. I've been paying a bank loan on the bloody thing for five years, but because of a clause in the contract, I couldn't sell it. So I stopped paying. The bank advised me that if I continued to stop paying, they'd repossess the caravan, and I'd also owe them three grand t...
I think it's a damned disgrace that Jacob Zuma was allowed to address the world at the World Cup opening ceremony. Okay, he's the President of South Africa, but any bloke who tells his fellow countrymen that washing your cock in the sink and wiping it dry on the curtains, after sex, somehow prevents aids, is in my opinion a complete fucking head job nutter. Not good.
W Mandela, Soweto...
I don't usually bother writing to anybody. But I just found a pen outside the bookies, and it seemed a shame to waste the opportunity.
L Piggot, Goodwood.
On these cookery programmes, what's all this stuff and nonsense about Rocket salad? They called it fucking dandelions when I was a kid. Rabbit food. Usually covered in diesel oil residue and dog piss. Somebody please tell Gor...
What is it with people with queries, and bosses who monitor calls? I used to work in a call centre, and recently some bloke from Bromsgrove rang in to ask the price of them little rubber things you put under castors to protect wooden floors from your furniture wheels. When I looked it up, it was thirty-one ninety nine for six, and you'd need at least two sets for your average piece of furni...
I want to complain about all these cookery programmes on the telly. These so-called chefs keep popping up telling me to finely chop some onions, or capers, or crush some garlic up with a cleaver or a sharp knife and it makes me really angry. I live at Broadmoor Psychiatric Hospital for the Criminally Insane, and no matter how much I plead with the warders, they won't let me have a cleaver...
Dear Dr. Morgenstern,
I believe that over these past 6 months, I have proven my mental stability, social adaptability and feel that I no longer pose a threat to the woodland creatures of Yellowstone National Park. As I've demonstrated in our private and group sessions, I do not feel the least bit attracted to Elk, Moose, or Grizzly Bears anymore, and though, admittedly, I still have a slight...
It makes me really, REALLY angry that the judges on Britain's Got Talent are so homophobic. We had that drag queen who dressed up as Lady Gaga - he got short shrift, and then we had that bloke who mimed to a Madonna song with a shit dance. Admittedly, the Madonna impersonating bloke wasn't properly gay, but he still got voted off because they thought he was gay. I mean, COME ON! If that's n...
Me and a few mates have hatched a really cunning plan. Because Israel won't apologise for shooting them there people on that aid boat, we're gonna get some helicopters to drop us on some of them illegal West Bank settlements, and when they attack us with sticks and barbecue tongs we'll shoot the bastards. That'll make 'em think twice in future.
Nogga Dogg, Norris Green
I see on the news again that we've got another nutter running amok shooting people. This time in Cumbria. What really gets my goat about this kind of thing is that the killer eventually turns the gun on himself. If he would only start at the end and work his way backwards then the first victim of his killing spree would be himself. It would save an awful lot of time and trouble for all conc...
I would like to nominate Ashley Cole for this editions 'Twat Of The Month Award' for his appalling display against the Japanese. He was supposed to be on the post for that corner, and the ball goes in through his legs. He wasn't that slow in texting photos of his underpants to Page Three bap-flashers, was he? Twat.
Q Leap, Devizes.
These pop stars you see on the telly appeali...
Every magazine receives fan mail, even an on line publication such as this one. Some of this mail will be complimentary of stories or of the publication in general, while other letters condemn us for articles or jokes that were found to be offensive to them.
Below are some of the highlights of mail received in the past months from the readership of The Spoof:
Letter from "Chesty" in Nashvil...
The phonetic alphabet, popularised by the military, the police and by call centres has remained unchanged for several decades.
Up until now it has remained: Alpha, Bravo, Charlie, Delta, Echo, Foxtrot, Golf, Hotel, Indigo, Juliet, Kilo, Lima, Mike...
Have you seen me lately? I'm feisty! That's the word I'd use, feisty! I don't give up, and I'm not going away. Come to the White House and I'll kick your butt at X-Box. That's right, I talk trash too!
Deal with it,
Barack "B-Money" Obama (Prez!)
Dear Mr. Spoof:
Have you seen the remote? Oh, it's here in my hand. Land o' Goshen! Come down to Texas and eat one of my cow...
Return Address Labels Forever - Why would anyone want to order return address labels when all you have to do it send in one dollar to any organization that sends you free return address labels for the rest of your life.
I have enough return address labels to wallpaper the walls in my entire house and that of my neighbors' house. She is just starting to run out since she quit sending her dollar...
A New Year Love Letter 2010: Coming to America Again
by Maria Sars
To Honor those separated from Loved ones:
"Woman Mentally Breaks Up with King-To-Be Prince Charles"
Dateline: Feast of the Holy Innocents
International Space Station
The lifelong imaginary romance with the to be good King Charles has ended the 46 year old allegedly female, authentic daughter of President John F. Kenne...
The MD of DFS today spoke of a totally hypothetical bid to merge with the MFI, M&S and B&Q. This would possibly make them DFS&MFI&M&S&B&Q. We spoke at TGI's over a BLT and G&T.
Lyndon Stubbs, 48, used to work for th...
Following his recent ridiculing on the Spoof web site regarding his spelling error in a letter to a deceased soldier's mother, the Spoof received a strongly worded letter from the pen of the PM himself.
Inn you're resent articul ewe had the timerety too ridicool my speling. Eye bee leave that this was injust hand complitely unfare. Eye was the fourtunate resipient of a privet...
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