LONDON - As the ambulance arrives you attempt to deny the reality. You are in some form of agony. You don't know what it is. The medics claim you'll be just fine. There are your close friends and relatives. Smiling hopefully. Comfort. The agony burns. Stings, even. In your head, you hear Space Odessey play in your head. This willbb be be an achievement for you. As the ambulance...
In a move to save money, the NHS has decided to recycle used body parts and close down all prosthetics departments nationwide. Surgeon General, Sir Cecil stump, outlined the process in a statement to the House of Commons this morning. "We have...
A well ignored Spoofer unexpectedly broke his finger today in a freak accident, involving beer and music. The reporter was covering a story involving a local band, when his finger became entangled in a drum kit, left unattended in a rehearsal room...
It was a dark and stormy night. The ER was packed with the usual assortment of back pains, headaches, and cramps. Then he arrived. The "he" was an elderly gentleman being whisked in by wheelchair, head back holding his nose, as drops of blood speckled the floor behind him. Once he was propped up on the stretcher, a cursory examination revealed an arterial pumper emanating from Kiesselbach's...
Despite some internal boxing circle scuttlebutt about Antonio Margarito possibly throwing the fight against the man, the myth, the living legend, Manny Pacquiao, experts at ringside can attest to the ferocity of the event. Margarito in fact, thanked...
A Hospital Patients' watchdog has welcomed the extension of the Coalition Government's Big Society thinking to the NHS, following yesterday's announcement by Andrew Lansley, Secretary of State for Health. Lansley, in a speech to Community Groups...
Ex Prime Minister Baroness Thatcher lost a testicle during an operation because the surgeon cut it off by mistake, a General Medical Council (GMC) hearing has been told. Dr Omar Ghulees was only supposed to cut out a cyst, but removed the whole right...
Male patients in the greater Manchester area waiting for a cyst to be removed around the genital areas are being warned, make sure the surgeon is not Jordanian! Jordanian surgeons working in UK hospitals have developed strange habits whilst operat...
Patients have reacted angrily to the news that they may be forced to have swine flu vaccinations. The proposed programme will see everyone entitled to the flu vaccination being tied down and jabbed repeatedly with needles containing the H1N1 swine fl...
NHS hospitals have taken advantage of the government scrapping its plans to dispense with car parking charges. In some cases, individual hospitals have increased parking charges by as much as 150%. One such example is St Moribund's Hospital, which...
Doctors are warning that the Government is placing the NHS in danger by putting too much strain on GP's. 'We can't do all this work' advised the BMA chiefs 'we weren't trained do these bureaucratic tasks you are requiring us to do.' Suspicions...
The world renown Guys Hospital near London Bridge has announced that it is to change its name later this year. The hospital, founded in 1772, is named after its founder Thomas Guy but Southwark borough councillors have been lobbying the local heal...
In a recent incident in a Northern hospital complex a chavtastic teenager who swaggered into Ward 101 for a back operation whilst clearly under the influence was turned away. The chav, known only as Carl, was wearing a huge parka style coat, very...
ERs across the United States are spending up to $10,000 a month to advertise excellence and wait times and other nonsense. Here are some ideas for attention-grabbing soundbites that might generate more patient visits: 1) We have just the right Oxy-Contin script with your name on it. 2) Our nurses shave their legs 3) Think she's cute? She's yours! 4) Think he's cute? He's yours!...
An urgent overhaul of hospital security was launched in Isle of Wight hospitals last night after a man was found to have "walked in" to an NH Walk-In Centre in Shanklin. Sources close to NHS authorities on the island described the security breach...
Another iconic institution in Britain is about to be destroyed. Sex will no longer be allowed in hospitals. For decades, sick patients have looked forward to being sent to hospitals, certain that they will have a good time thinking up double enten...
The Department of Health has announced the end of mixed sexy wards in Hospitals. 'We can no longer tolerate the behaviour we have discovered on some wards' declared the Mininister of Health as he took another gasp at his cigarette 'we are open minded...
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