Harry Potter star Emma Watson has been named Hollywood's most bankable female star of the decade. The 19 year old, who plays Hermione Granger in the Potter series generated an incredible $1.8 trillion dollars at the box office, but her agent, Skip Wh...
Pre-order sales of Microsoft Windows 7, due for release any time now, have soared in recent weeks. Such has been the demand, that on pre-order sales alone, Amazon have announced that it outstripped the previous record holder Harry Potter and the D...
Stephenie Meyer, according to one of the most truthful of Hollywood Newshound mags, The Truth Tattler, has decided to do one more Twilight book and kill off the whole lot. "I thinks she's sick to death of all the little shits", stated one insider...
London, UK - Pedophiles the world over are expected to be boycotting "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows", due to be released sometime in 2010. It will be the first movie in which Emma Watson, the actress who plays Hermione Granger, is over 18.
It started as just another day in Oxfordshire, a day when every prospect pleased and only Brown was vile, and Harry Potter idly leafed through his copy of Adam Smith's 'Wealth of Nations'. 'There's a lot to be said for the free market system', he thought to himself, 'thank heavens this country has a Conservative Party to defend and strengthen that system, to take on the state socialist European...
London - (Slytherin Stuff): "We thought it might be Lord Voldemort's pet snake Nagini," a terrified passenger on the 5.13pm Paris to London Hogwarts Eurostar Express cried as a hexed live power cable came crashing down onto platform 9¾ at St Pancras...
Atlanta, Georgia - Embattled singer Kanye West will never die - ever. The world's number one egomaniac has split his soul into a million pieces. Lord Voldemort is the only other person known to have achieved this feet. An advanced understanding...
In a late breaking story reveals that Prince Harry has proposed to Pippa Middleton and been accepted. The happy couple beamed as they described to this reporter how the Chelsy Davies smokescreen worked beautifully to divert attention from their growi...
HRH Prince Harry inherited his share of his mother's fortune today and vowed to use it for the good of all mankind. Referring to the ghastly amount of unearned money he now enjoys with hanging head, the Prince gallantly put his plan into action. H...
Phoenix, AZ - Jessica Simpson's pussy has been snatched by a member of the Phoenix Coyote hockey team, and they want to make it their mascot. An unknown member from the Phoenix Coyote hockey club went unannounced to Jessica Simpson's hotel room la...
In a surprising but long overdue announcement, Phoenix Sheriff Joe Arapaio has released plans to improve customer satisfaction at his famous jail site. In a monograph with the working title "Criminals are People, Too" the lawman cited a recent brain...
In a further bizarre and unwanted twist the bodies of three Great War veterans are to be exhumed to prove "beyond reasonable doubt" that a 111 year old can indeed just die. A government spokesperson - who did not wish to be identified for fear o...
The police investigation into MP's expenses has identified a bizarre twist in the evidence trail. Whilst digging deeply into the claims of the MP for East Cheam, Mr Lamar Middleton Penrose, who has claimed the maximum possible expenses since his e...
At the L.A. premiere of Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince, film star and teen icon Daniel Radcliffe was seen talking to famed cult icon Tom Cruise. Tom Cruise is famous for generally good movies before he joined the infamous Scientology cult,...
There have been so many sequels of the nerdmatic cinema about harry Potter and this goblet and that goblin that the authoress' cash cow seemed to milked her last. Then one day while jerking off to some porn in one of her palaces her ladyship came and...
Shapely Harry Potter star Emma Watson admit that the Swine Flu virus which had struck a co-star had "scared the shit" out of her. Wearing a dress which showed off her shapely figure the delectable Miss Watson spoke of her "fear" and "concern" at Rupe...
SAN FRANCISCO, CA - J. K. Rowling-Paper has signed a deal with the San Francisco Onion to produce a series of seven spoofs loosely based on her best-selling Hairy Potthead novels starring Jamie Waylett. Fresh from an arrest for marijuana possessio...
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