Atlanta, GA - On Tuesday, scientists at the CDC announced an array of new symptoms that may occur during a COVID-19 infection. The researchers warned that a runny nose, sore throat and congestion are being added to the list of misery that comes wi…
LOUISVILLE, Kentucky – The Kentucky Fried Chicken Corporation wants to address a rumor that apparently first started in Pensacola, Florida. Reignbeau Berra, who is KFC’s director of advertising, said that she first heard about the rumor from her 1…
ANNAPOLIS, Maryland – The President and his creepy-looking Treasury Secretary, Steven Mnuchin, were having lunch at a local KFC. An employee commented that the two were sitting at the far end of the restaurant like a couple of forlorn lovers. T...
In news that will be, to people all over the US, somewhat unbelievable, it's been announced that McDonalds, the world's most popular fast food chain, and personal favorite of President Donald Trump, has been given the go-ahead to set up an outlet in...
CHICAGO – The McDonalds Corporation has just announced a decision that will not only resonate throughout China, but throughout San Francisco as well. After several power meetings, McDonalds has decided to close all of its restaurants in China.
DETROIT – The beef shortage has already caused the price of beef to shoot through the roof. One customer at a Wendy’s in Detroit, ordered the Baconator burger. And when he opened his container box, he noticed that the two meats were both the si...
ARLINGTON, Virginia - A reporter with The Baltimore Implier-Journal has said that he was informed by a golf course security guard that he saw the president and three other individuals playing 18 holes of golf at a local golf course at 3 in the mornin...
Seattle, WA - A local factory worker here admitted to fellow employees that his New Year's resolution to save all the extra ketchup packets left over from his multiple daily trips to Burger Shack seemed "okay, a little stupid, I guess" in light of th...
Washington, D.C. – Donald Trump has informed Ipso Facto Illustrated Magazine that he has signed an agreement to purchase 13 McDonald’s Restaurants. The president stated that he already owns 270,301 shares in the hamburger chain. “Look, it is no s...
Restaurant chain Chick-fil-A recently admitted that its popular misspelled advertisement playing off the idea that cows want people to eat more chicken so that they, in turn, will not be eaten, was written not by a cow, as the ad implies, but by a se...
A targeted online Applebee's ad missed the mark with Mark Jensen of New York City, who was only reminded how much he despises America's bacon-laden suburban fare and the culture it represents, but it totally worked on Chris Regan, also of New York Ci...
As police across the fruited plain are being squirted with water pistols and “deloused” with buckets of water, many members of the so-called “thin blue line” have become paranoid. A Marion County, Indiana, officer, Dee Jay, who asked to remain ano...
Deliveroo is the fast-food delivery service that you either love or hate. You love Deliveroo if you're a lazy bastard who can't be arsed to get out of bed in the morning to cook breakfast, or pour milk on your corn flakes. You love Deliveroo if y...
There is living proof, as witnessed by Donald Trump’s behavior, that a diet of hourly hamburgers and diet Coke, (apologies to the Cola company) can make one delusional. Though Trump in no way resembles the hamburger-eating character of the POPEYE...
Modern day garbage is causing a fat epidemic in subterranean Australia. In the past, rats fed on discarded, rotting cabbage leaves, stinking fish rests, Brussels sprouts, and so on. In fact, a healthy, calorie-reduced diet. However, human food con...
For years, the post-apocalyptic wasteland between Edinburgh and Glasgow has been a hotspot of UFO sightings. This weekend three more unusual craft were observed over the chippies and needle exchanges of Falkirk. Local UFO spotter Bob McJobbie had...
Actor Tom Banks, whose net worth is estimated at $350 million, give or take a million, played Santa Claus at an N-n-Out Boogers in Fontana, Californicate, treating his fans to a free lunch. “Order anything you want,” he told his devotees. “Money i...
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