The Manchester Food and Drink Festival was rocked by an explosion and fireball late last night sending revellers running for safety and leaving three people hurt and dozens more traumatised. Health and Safety officials have moved in to identify th...
A musical genius has been discovered farting Mozart's symphonies (and others) perfectly. He is an obese gentleman from Hampstead and discovered that he had received this God-given talent by farting on the bog of a local McDonald's restaurant after de...
Al Gore denounced all insurance companies today after it was revealed he has been denied medical and life insurance against "Spontaneous Human Combustion" based on the determination he suffers from a 'pre existing condition' according to a spokesman...
A man with a cigarette lighter tried unsuccessfully to ignite his own gas aboard a Delta flight yesterday. He was wrestled to the ground by passengers and members of the crew, inches away from the cockpit door. Witnesses say the suspect had his pan...
"Have you farted?" "I dunno...why d'you ask?" "You dunno?" "I dunno." "You don't know if you farted?" "Nah." "You must have something wrong with you mate. If you don't even know if you've dropped a sly one." "I didn't hear nuffink..." "You must have felt it." "Could 'ave. I s'ppose. P'rhaps I just dint notice..." "Well - it stinks." "Stinks o' wot?" "Eggs. And c...
Animal Rights activists are up in arms after George the Chimp was found dead in his cell at the Center for Simian Studies and Anthropology in Coventry. Curious George was the first Chimp in captivity to figure out how to use basic kitchen implemen...
Accrington man, Farty Arse, who changed his name by deed poll from Julius Woodbine in 1997 has come up trumps on the National Lottery after netting a cool five hundred pounds on a scratch card. Mr Arse - unemployed since 1979 - excitedly revealed...
It was announced today that Stagecoach Grimsby and Cleethorpes are going Eco friendly with the purchase of 10 methane run vehicles, The buses are due in July and follows Stagecoach Lincoln's purchase of Bio Methane vehicles. The Grimsby buses w...
DEADVILLE, France (Rooters) - The Group of Eight leaders agreed on Friday that the global economic stench was becoming more "self-sustained," although lower clothing prices were 'hampering' further growth. In a communique to be issued at the end o...
Spoof Writer Lady Godiva recently confessed that she has an absolute dislike for the word 'tits'. She can say, arse, fart, penis and other stuff but hates saying 'tits'. This came to her notice (she hadn't thought about it before) when she accepted the role of 'Mavis', the lead in a local amateur production of the stage play, "Steppin' Out". Lady G. worked hard to teach the non-tap dancing...
Keith Olbermann, the pundit who considers his one sided rhetoric to be journalism, has been identified as "special" by scientists specializing in sound. From his laboratory at Johns Hopkins University, Dr. Blake Nickel made the following statement:...
A public opinion poll released late yesterday sums up the public sentiments about Governor Chris Christie of New Jersey with the statement of one of those interviewed: "As endearing as a beer fart!" Despite the likeability rating of less than five...
The proposed Carbon Tax smells like nothing more than taxing farts writes Les Patterson Jnr My Fellow Australians and other fans, My name is Les Patterson Junior. Yes it's true, I exist and I am the number one son of Australia's supremely awesome representative to the UN and cultural attache' to the Far East. This is my first national communique and I want to take this opportunity to say...
Two of Premiership outfit Aston Villa's senior players have been disciplined following an incident at a team bonding day at a health spa last week. Manager Gerard Houllier confirmed that "firm and punitive" action had been taken against centre hal...
An American Airlines stewardess was taken to hospital this week after a "turbulence related" incident on a flight from Chicago to Los Angeles. The Boeing 747 had just reached optimum cruising level when, according to the Health and Safety Executiv...
The Queen has been forced to give up riding, her favourite pastime, because of chronic knee pain. The condition has also meant that she has had to have a £1million lift installed at her Sandringham home. Knee pain is a terrible burden for horses.
Matthew Stilton, known as 'the farting dentist' because of his disturbing flatulence has been banned from his practice because of 'inappropriate behaviour'.. A colleague complained that he was giving patients 'the wrong sort of gas' and it made th...
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