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Funny story: A True Diary of Woe - Part Fifteen

A True Diary of Woe - Part Fifteen

A diary of one man's utter failure, depression, frustration, cock-ups, and poverty, that started in August 1947 Chapter 30 - The Rats I was working at the Nottingham Cooperative Society's Co-op House on Upper Parliament Street, in the food hall, as general dogsbody, and goffer. I was sent down to the cellars below, to lay mouse traps and rat poison, in an effort clear the place of the lit...

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Funny story: A True Diary of Woe - Part Thirteen

A True Diary of Woe - Part Thirteen

A story of one man's utter failure, depression, frustration, and poverty, starting in August 1947 Chapter Twenty-seven: My first Angling Match I had joined the local pub's angling club (The Gladstone), and was on my first match. It was on the Yorkshire Derwent. I'd only started fishing a month earlier, and was full of trepidation, but excited about it. The lads seemed a decent bunch. B...

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Funny story: A True Diary of Woe - Part Twelve

A True Diary of Woe - Part Twelve

A story of one man's utter failure, depression, frustration, and poverty, starting in August 1947 Chapter Twent-six: Into the offenders relocation digs The next day, I went off to work at Tesco, and after while I got call from dear mummy. She had got me somewhere to live. (Which I thought I'd already got before she stopped paying the rent, emptied the gas and electricity meters, flogged off...

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Funny story: A True Diary of Woe - Part Eleven

A True Diary of Woe - Part Eleven

A story of one man's utter failure, depression, frustration, and poverty, starting in August 1947 Chapter Twenty-four: Mummy Returns - Work Commences Just as I was about to leave school at 14 years of age, Mummy re-appeared on the scene after about 3 years. And Dad once more relented and took her back in, a move he much regretted later. (So did I) Dad got me job as goffer and van lad at...

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Funny story: A True Diary of Woe - Part Ten

A True Diary of Woe - Part Ten

A story of one man's utter failure, depression, frustration, and poverty, starting in August 1947 Chapter Twenty-two: SPORTS: Ahead on points... Another chance for me to prove my sporting prowess came in the boxing competition. I'm not sure how they graded the competitors, but I (all 4ft 2in and 4 stone soaking wet of me) was matched against a 5' 8' 10 stone dude! The school Gym master in h...

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Funny story: A True Diary of Woe - Part Nine

A True Diary of Woe - Part Nine

A story of one man's utter failure, depression, frustration, and poverty, starting in August 1947 Chapter Twenty: Mummy Returns Again Mummy returned: full of the usual false compassion and commitment. The real surprise was she bought me a little red haired puppy dog! Because of its colouring, I called it 'Rusty', my first and last dog. It lived in a Heinz bean box behind the chair in the...

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Funny story: A True Diary of Woe - Part Seven

A True Diary of Woe - Part Seven

A story of one man's utter failure, depression, frustration, and poverty, starting in August 1947 Chapter Fifteen: Mater Goes Again Mater did another bunk, and dad got us a new tin bath (well second hand as our old one was just beyond any more repair) which I thought was marvellous, but guess who had to keep boiling pans of water on the stove, topping the bath up, and then using the cold dirty...

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Funny story: A True Diary of Woe - Part Six

A True Diary of Woe - Part Six

A story of one man's utter failure, depression, frustration, and poverty, starting in August 1947 Chapter Thirteen: Just one of Dad's famous 'Nice Walks' Dad thought it was a treat to take me on a marathon walk occasionally. We'd take no food, just a bottle of tap water. We'd walk for miles and miles, always eventually stopping near an orchard in, Bingham, Plumtree, Ruddington, or Bunny, th...

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Funny story: A True Diary of Woe - Part Four

A True Diary of Woe - Part Four

A story of one man's utter failure, depression, frustration, and poverty, starting in August 1947 Chapter Nine: Mother does another bunk again Dad insisted that I came home from school, cleaned out the fire grate, chopped some wood, and laid the fire in readiness for his arrival home from work. He considered it a waste of money if I lit the fire before he got in. Also I was to ready a meal...

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Funny story: A True Diary of Woe - Part Three

A True Diary of Woe - Part Three

A story of one man's utter failure, depression, frustration, and poverty, starting in August 1947 Chapter Eight: The Magical Marvellous Mystery of Auntie Mabel Note: I originally intended to leave this emprise out of this story, but decided even writing about it for the first time, brought a warm, comforting glow back to my lonely soul, so I put it in! One Friday night, mother dear gently...

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Funny story: A True Diary of Woe - Part Two

A True Diary of Woe - Part Two

A story of one man's utter failure, depression, frustration, and poverty, starting in August 1947 Chapter Five: The Backyard and my burning hair Our row of soot covered old terrace houses, backed up lopsided against the railway viaduct that carried the main London railway-line and others, with Arkwright Street Station above our house, with a narrow back yard, outside toilets and coal houses bu...

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Funny story: A True Diary of Woe - Part One

A True Diary of Woe - Part One

A story of one man's utter failure, depression, frustration, and poverty, starting in August 1947 Chapter One: The Arrival It must have been a moving moment when the mid-wife handed the new born bundle of gooey 1lb 12oz of scrawny baby, wrapped tenderly in a bloodied pillow case, over into the hands of its loving Park Drive smoke and ash covered mother, as she lay cursing the father of this un...

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Funny story: The Diary Of A Surrealist

The Diary Of A Surrealist

Wednesday 101st January 1078: My bed, this isinglass tomb, with a basilisk at each of its five corners, is on fire again. It burns with the fire of hyacinths, lit last Lady Day by Muriel, the Alabaster Queen of my Pyjama-Case. Hunting in packs who slink, sinuous as creeping simians, the miniature Postmen are abroad again. It is midnight and I am awoken by their breathing, their kitten-like c...

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Funny story: Dream Diarist - Televisions

Dream Diarist - Televisions

Dear Dream Diarist. I had a strange dream last night. I was at work in the office and they had installed three televisions around the office so we could see the latest news as it happened. Each television could be controlled by any of the remotes. From my desk we could see the receptionist and the TV near her. I was with a female co-worker and we were having a big giggle as my co-worker would k...

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Funny story: A day in the life of Fug

A day in the life of Fug

I get up in the morning at 9am, this is difficult for me, because I do not wake up until 10am. Once awake, I throw my legs out of the bed, and call the dog to bring them back. The false limbs fitted, I go down stairs, usually, head first, I must get that carpet fixed. In the kitchen, I have a vast selection of cereal. If only I could find them. Breakfast over, always over me, I have the shak...

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Funny story: The Vampire Twilight Diaries

The Vampire Twilight Diaries

Today it was decided that the producers of hit TV show The Vampire Diaries would make a collabaration episode starring the cast of the film Twilight . So far confirmed to appear are Ian Somerhalder, LOST ( 2004-2010),Pulse (2006 ) and The Rules of Attraction (2002) Nina Dobrev, Degrassi (2001) and Never Cry Werewolf ( 2008 ) and Ashley Greene , ( The Twilight Saga : Eclipse (2010), The...

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Funny story: Wikisquirts release: More Entries from Amy Winehouse's Diary

Wikisquirts release: More Entries from Amy Winehouse's Diary

As promised our WikiSquirts London Bureau has uncovered more entries from the teenage diary of drug-addled pop star Amy Winehouse. You'll remember these entries were from a as yet unauthenticated diary from the trash can or as they say in jolly ole England "rubbish bin" in front of the Norfolk-Suffolk borders, Ellingham Hall, where Julian Assange is currently spending his "house arrest" atten...

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