A senior judge has said today that DNA should become compulsory for all UK residents, and for all those visiting the UK, whether it be for business or for pleasure.
London - (Ass Mess): Scientists working in the National Poisons Unit special DNA branch have made a breakthrough in the quest to identify the genome responsible for producing anti-abortionists.
DNA tests today proved that gravel voiced singer Amy Winehouse is in fact missing horse Shergar.
Langley, Virginia - (Ass mess): Forensic psychiatrists working at the optimistically named President George Herbert Bush Center for Intelligence (sic) - CIA HQ have completed their forty year study into the mutant DNA structure of the Bush family.
The famous Anna Nicole Smith DNA (from her baby) has been released and the father of her baby has been determined to be.....exercise guru Richard Simmons. Paternity tests showed a 99.725% chance that Simmons was the biological parent of the child.
Blackpool Pleasure Beach has unveiled the new ride that it believes will take it back to the top of the UK's theme parks again.
To settle a bar bet, Jonathan Williams, leader of Arayan Nation faction "The Church of Jesus Christ Christian," underwent genetic testing to discover his ancestry.
In a last minute attempt to rally the failing company from bankruptcy, Genetics Savings & Clone has opened its cryogenic storage facilities to preserving the DNA of geniuses.
Jack Mank, footballer, today admitted to newspaper rumours that he was his father's son.
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