In a week when debate on bankers bonuses dominated the front page headlines the tills were overflowing and champagne flowing last night in city wine bars as bankers celebrated the approval of John Terry's latest remortgage. The £170,000 a week Che...
Geoffrey Skint, famous Chief Executioner of the Royal Bank of Slush, has been awarded an unusual bonus. He will receive a bill from the relatives of all those people he has executed over the last year. This will go some way to alleviate the suffering...
Husband: Them Bankers. What a cheek. We help them out when things are bad and what do we get? A kick in the teeth. It shouldn't be allowed. Wife: You can't blame them. You would be exactly the same if someone offered you a million. H. No I wouldn't. W. You bloody well would! H. It wouldn't be moral. W. Since when has morality got you anywhere. H. No. I've got my self-respect. It...
Detroit - As home foreclosures escalate the need to bulldoze vacant property is expected to soar. That is why orders for bulldozers have hit a 100 year high, according to bulldozer salesman Ravegay Iggerday, of Detroit. We have Mr. Iggerday on the...
Newly-homeless baby-boomers are dying minutes after leaving their former homes. As reported in the press here, it is expected that younger people will live shorter lives (up to thirty years less) if they are homeless. Our source, Dr. Offincaye, r...
Atlantic Ocean - Our source, Micky Splainit aboard the S.S. Dollylop, a pipeline building vessel dispatched by the Federal Reserve, reports that construction of a pipeline capable of pumping a trillion dollars per day to Germany is nearly completed.
MUNICH - Hans Snortlebuntof, a well known artist in the city, has leaked to the press that he has constructed his next work of art, to be revealed Jan. 2, 2012, entirely out of 1000 Euro bills. Three tons of them. According to investigative repor...
Washington DC - Failed hedge fund CEO Jon Corzine yesterday called on a House Subcommittee to arrest Henry F. Potter, a Bedford Falls banker and slumlord, for fraud and malfeasance in connection with the collapse of Corzine's MF Global Hedge Fund and...
Greece and Italy have disposed with going through the pretence of having a democratic government by appointing bankers - who else? - to sort out the problems caused by bankers. However the new unelected Italian PM, Romeo Panti told our contact in...
Bank of America spokesman Bill M. Tweed released a statement to the financial media this morning outlining the reversal of the recent bank policy of instituting a monthly fee of $5.00 to customers using debit cards. "Our customers have shared thei...
It was announced today that a stressed out banker has thrown a sicky, at least until Christmas, and been placed in a medical facility in order to aid his recovery from fatigue and exhaustion. The banker, who in certain circles has been described as...
Corporate money-sequestration titans Bank of America and Chase Bank today announced that their recently announced new fees and the hikes of existing fees will actually cost more money to introduce, charge and enforce than expected, leaving net profit...
A gang of robbers, stormed the Bank of England yesterday, and demanded staff deposit thirty billion Euros into its safes. Brandishing sawn off water pistols and stink bombs, the gang burst into the foyer of the bank, squirting customers and securi...
The prayers of the world's bankers and investment firms have been answered. The Bank of God has agreed to cover all global debt in exchange for what God is calling "The Ten Commitments." "We tend to forget that God is a shrewd money manager," said...
A British high street bank, beginning with H and ending with an X (certificate) has adopted a brand new customer policy for those wishing to apply for credits. They are writing to their customers and telling them to "f++k off" because they have no...
In just 2 months since its release by Bankrupt America Online, the game Grand Theft Banker has become the most played online game on the planet. The game randomly simulates the payment of massive bonuses to senior bankers and floor traders in retu...
After 20 years of exploration by an international team of forensic anthropologists, a member of the banking industry has been discovered who had a conscience and beating heart. Team leader Digby Digdembones spoke from his cave in Cornwall UK today...
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