After thousands of plaintiffs in the class action lawsuit against Bank of America reported that they had not received any portion of the $410 million in settlement amounts owed them by BoA, BoA president and CEO Brian Moynihan abashedly explained tha...
Controversial 'Payday Loans' - short term loans offering cash at exhorbitant interest rates, which borrowers are supposed to pay back on the day their wages are paid - came under scrutiny today as a Dorking woman revealed that after borrowing £20, sh...
A major high street bank is today at the centre of a storm of controversy over claims its latest advert is not complete shit and fucking annoying. The advert, launched this week, features none of the trademarks that the British public have come to...
A 93 year old East London man was taken to hospital yesterday afternoon after he was pulled into a bank's ATM machine along with his bankers card when trying to use it to withdraw money from a hole-in-the-wall cash dispenser machine outside a bank in...
Washington, DC -- Say goodbye to the almighty dollar. In a unanimous decision, the Federal Reserve's Board of Governors has voted to abolish the use of money in the United States, effective immediately. "The world's economic system is broken beyon...
The Government is setting up a hotline for comments by the travelling public on the award of bonuses to Network Rail senior staff. This follows the Government finding that they cannot do anything about the bonuses being paid. Justine Greening, Tr...
In a week when debate on bankers bonuses dominated the front page headlines the tills were overflowing and champagne flowing last night in city wine bars as bankers celebrated the approval of John Terry's latest remortgage. The £170,000 a week Che...
Geoffrey Skint, famous Chief Executioner of the Royal Bank of Slush, has been awarded an unusual bonus. He will receive a bill from the relatives of all those people he has executed over the last year. This will go some way to alleviate the suffering...
Husband: Them Bankers. What a cheek. We help them out when things are bad and what do we get? A kick in the teeth. It shouldn't be allowed. Wife: You can't blame them. You would be exactly the same if someone offered you a million. H. No I wouldn't. W. You bloody well would! H. It wouldn't be moral. W. Since when has morality got you anywhere. H. No. I've got my self-respect. It...
Detroit - As home foreclosures escalate the need to bulldoze vacant property is expected to soar. That is why orders for bulldozers have hit a 100 year high, according to bulldozer salesman Ravegay Iggerday, of Detroit. We have Mr. Iggerday on the...
Newly-homeless baby-boomers are dying minutes after leaving their former homes. As reported in the press here, it is expected that younger people will live shorter lives (up to thirty years less) if they are homeless. Our source, Dr. Offincaye, r...
Atlantic Ocean - Our source, Micky Splainit aboard the S.S. Dollylop, a pipeline building vessel dispatched by the Federal Reserve, reports that construction of a pipeline capable of pumping a trillion dollars per day to Germany is nearly completed.
MUNICH - Hans Snortlebuntof, a well known artist in the city, has leaked to the press that he has constructed his next work of art, to be revealed Jan. 2, 2012, entirely out of 1000 Euro bills. Three tons of them. According to investigative repor...
Washington DC - Failed hedge fund CEO Jon Corzine yesterday called on a House Subcommittee to arrest Henry F. Potter, a Bedford Falls banker and slumlord, for fraud and malfeasance in connection with the collapse of Corzine's MF Global Hedge Fund and...
Greece and Italy have disposed with going through the pretence of having a democratic government by appointing bankers - who else? - to sort out the problems caused by bankers. However the new unelected Italian PM, Romeo Panti told our contact in...
Bank of America spokesman Bill M. Tweed released a statement to the financial media this morning outlining the reversal of the recent bank policy of instituting a monthly fee of $5.00 to customers using debit cards. "Our customers have shared thei...
It was announced today that a stressed out banker has thrown a sicky, at least until Christmas, and been placed in a medical facility in order to aid his recovery from fatigue and exhaustion. The banker, who in certain circles has been described as...
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