Washington, DC - In the tradition of good sportsmanship, no matter how hard it may be for the losing candidates, it has become almost mandatory that the losing party phone the winning side, to concede the election results, usually by the time the fi...
Newly re-elected President Obama has travelled to Burma for a bit of R & R after his strenuous election campaign. He thought that Burmese opposition leader, Daw Aung San Suu Kyi, could do with a bit of cheering up after two years of house arrest...
Tuscaloosa, Alabama - Scientists at the Alabama Museum of Natural Hystery have named a newly discovered relative of the Whitefin Sharksucker species after President Obama. Echeneis Neucratoides Obamanemesis is a rare example of remora from the Ec...
McINTYRE, Georgia - One of President Obama's biggest little supporters is Alana Thompson, better known as Honey Boo Boo of the cable show Here Comes Honey Boo Boo. The little seven-year-old veteran of the reality show Toddlers & Tiaras recentl...
WASHINGTON, DC (ABSNN) - Arizona Senator John McCain ripped President Barack Obama's failure to offer a bail out to Twinkie producer Hostess Brands this afternoon. Speaking before the US Senate, McCain called Obama a "heartless, Godless un-Amer...
The most recent quarterly testing of New York City's water supply revealed dangerous levels of stupid in the city's water - over eighteen times the permissible levels, even by New York's lenient stupid standards (New York is second only to Georgia in...
David Lynch, creator of the cult-hit comic strip, The Angriest Dog in the World, announced yesterday that President Obama has won the annual Angriest Man in the World award for threatening to punch out John McCain behind the White House utility shed.
Washington DC - Capitol Hill stargazers are close to panic at evidence that a 'rogue planet' is transiting President Obama's birth chart. Spotted some 100 light years from Earth and provisionally dubbed CFBDSIR2149-0403 the 'homeless' celestial bo...
Following President Obama's reelection, petitioners from 32 states have filed a lawsuit with the federal government to let their respective states secede from the Union. Let's take a look at the history of secession movements in the United States 1776: 13 Colonies of the British Empire unlawfully attempt to detach themselves from the crown and form a government under the preposterous idea of se...
Here are some statements, comments, quotes, observations, and remarks that some noted politicians and non-politicians have recently stated regarding the recent presidential election. • Mitt Romney - "Well it sure looks like I wasted millions and millions of my own damn money for nothing, absolutely nothing." • Newt Gingrich - "My goodness, the Democrats came out of the friggin woodwork and R...
Republicans have been almost unanimous in quoting that a Divine inspiration has descended upon them. Apparently this heavenly apparition was bestowed upon their golden leader, John Boehner. Mr. Boehner, his eyes glowing with enlightened envisionm...
According to sources close to Obama the president will appear on a future episode of the hit History channel show "Pawn Stars". The president is said to be bringing the declaration of independence in hopes of selling it for around 3 trillion doll...
WATERLOO, Iowa - President Obama has wasted no time in keeping his promise to cut out certain federal programs that will have the least amount of affect on the least amount of citizens. The president, speaking before a crowd of 17,000 at The Crop...
President Obama, exercising his new mandate, declared a new national holiday honoring his election to a second term in a press release titled Up Yours! The President kicked off the new day of reflection and celebration in Washington by continuing hi...
TALLAHASSEE, Florida (ABSNN) - The Florida Secretary of State certified today that Barack Obama won the state's election by a razor-thin margin of 74,000 votes. Tea Party freshman Congressman, Allen West, was defeated by fewer than 3,000 votes b...
Headline should read,"Iranian Jets Attack U.S. Drones in Gulf" President Obama gave the following speech to assembled reporters in the Rose Garden this afternoon. My fellow Americans: As President and Decider, uh...I mean Commander, in Chief, it is my duty to the American people to report that renewed hostile actions against United States drones on the high air in the Gulf of Persia have...
CUCAMONGA, California - Lady Gaga finished performing her third encore at a sold out concert in The Santa Ana Winds Arena. Afterwards she went backstage and met with Bijou Silhouette of Left Coast Mirror Magazine. Lady Gaga told her that she wa...
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