This painstakingly constructed guide is designed to help all budding Premier League footballers conform to previously unwritten rules and avoid any embarrassing mistakes during your career. We shall begin with one of the most important aspects of being a footballer. 1) Disrespecting match officials. Never accept any decision that goes against you or your team. Referees and their assistant...
Following the news that Karen Brady's nephew has been signed by Chelsea, the club swooped today for a family double when they signed her grandmother as well, to work in the club canteen. Brady began her football career at Birmingham City, working...
Conference North side, Halifax Town, have shocked the football world by signing former Premiership and England striker, Wayne Rooney. "It was a chance encounter," said Halifax chairman, Dave Breastcost. "I'd been hanging around his local pub for e...
The Sun Theo Walcott is also considering his future with Arsenal, as he enters the final year of his current deal. Judging by internet forums and radio phone-ins, 60,000 supporters are also considering their future. Daily Mail Tottenham are ready to listen to offers for Rafael van der Vaart, 29. A fee of £10m-plus is likely to be enough to capture the Dutch international attacking midfielde...
Manchester Evening News Manchester City defender Pablo Zabaleta says controversial team-mate Mario Balotelli can become one of the best players in the world if he starts using his brain more. What brain - The one in his penis? Liverpool Echo New Liverpool boss Brendan Rodgers has no intention of selling Welsh forward Craig Bellamy. Instead, he's going to swap him for half a dozen tracksui...
A further scandal embroiled Scottish football today as it emerged that Club 12, which was parachuted into the SPL to replace Rangers has now entered administration after failing to honour financial obligations. Payments are already overdue regardi...
Revolutionary Bolivian dictator and left sided midfielder, Colonel Juan San Andreas, is apparently stalling in talks with Mercado Olimpica Del Satirista of La Paz, over a contract extension after being feted by Manchester 'Moneybags' City. San And...
Robin Van Persie caused ripples this week by revealing on his personal website that he would not be signing an extension to his Arsenal contract, and now details are emerging as to his whereabouts next season. RVP Stated that he is not happy with...
In an announcement that had Simon Cowell's new teeth rattling and Tulisa Gotanewtrampastampa reaching for another "tah-oo" for her body, Huddersfield Town Football Club announced the signing of midfielder Adam Clayton. The football club have reall...
Fury from the Anfield faithful in the Red half of Merseyside, as Liverpool FC players paraded the club's new 4th kit at a photo shoot at the Adelphi Hotel in the city this lunchtime. What the club described as 'a tasteful ensemble, with a pink shi...
After last months nail-biting European Champions League Final where his Chelsea side beat Bayern Munich on penalties, Chelsea star owner Roman Abramovitch has confirmed he is leaving the club. After pumping around £500m into the club since the sum...
Ex West Ham 'reject', misfit, dud, flop, chancer, but decent penalty taker Alessandro Diamanti last night scored the winning spot-kick taking Italy through and knocking rightful winners England out of what is now a complete failure of a tournament.
David Beckham stunned the world of sport today by dropping old friend Stuart Pearce from his new Olympic Pizza advert, due to be filmed next week in Stratford and broadcast during the Games. East end born Beckham was chosen to pick the team due to...
In an unprecedented move in the history of English football, Championship side Blackburn Rovers, who were relegated from the Premier League at the end of last season, have taken the extraordinary step of signing George Best on a free transfer - even...
Stuart Pearce has hinted that the reason for David Beckham's exclusion from the British Olympic football team could be age related immobility. On Sunday when asked the question, "Why did you leave David Beckham out of your team?" Pearce raised his...
As Spain took all the glory by saving the best till last and coasting to a 4-0 win over Italy in the final of Euro 2012, England boss Roy Hodgson declared himself happy with his own teams performance. At a press conference at Wembley this morning,...
Spain created history by becoming the first team to win three successive global tournaments (Euro 2008, World Cup 2010 and Euro 2012). The triple champions won at a canter without getting out of second gear on sunday night v the unlucky Italians,...
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