MALIBU BEACH, California - Ellen DeGeneres, Rosie O'Donnell, and Melissa Etheridge have decided to lend the financially strapped United States $20 million. Herb Hankowitz, attorney for Tri Guys Unlimited, the company solely owned by the happy trio...
In Detroit, Michigan Wednesday, General Motors Corp, Studebaker-Packard and Chrysler LLC requested nearly $23 billion in additional U.S. government loans and said they had reached tentative deals with the United Auto Workers union to reduce their lab...
President Obama announced today that all industries in the United States would be bailed out. "It is unfair to bail out the financial industry without bailing out the automotive industry that relies on those financial companies" he said, "and it...
(Los Angeles-CA) Directly on the heels or insert the body part of your choice of this week's Christie's auction of a full frontal nude photograph of Madonna selling for over $37,000.00, the original Material Girl announced today at a Regent Beverly W...
San Ramon, Ca - (Upstream Mess): A massive sweet light crude find, easily 100 times the size of Saudi Arabia's record-breaking 85 billion barrel Ghawar Field, "will bail out America's bankrupt economy" according to the lucky landowners in secret Big...
Hollywood,Ca/ Rolling Stone - President Barry O'Bama continues his whirl wind, non stop campaigning for an Oscar nomination in the World's continuing Docu Drama, "Mayhem on Main Street". The production, which to date has cost $760M in campaign f...
WALLA WALLA, WA - Wankers Trust, the nation's largest sperm bank, is looking to the Federal Government's Troubled Masturbation Relief Program (TMRP) to see it through an unprecedented crisis. Chairman of the bank, Hans Job, said, "Due to the publ...
Washington AC/DC - (Holy Shit! Mess): President Obama is poised to give predecessor George W Bush the prize job of US ambassador to London in a deal with Republican senators to pass the controversial $850 billion stimulus package. Bush will take u...
Wall Street produced the global financial and economic crisis but it may take a beloved 75-year-old game to solve it. The Obama administration is preparing a revised bailout plan for the banking system, calling on Wall Street bankers and 'Fat Cat...
Williamsburg,Va/ Hypocrite News Flash - Greedy Democrats jumped aboard a privately chartered AMTRAK live stock train to take advantage of an all expensed vacation retreat to discuss the nation's "Economic Catastrophe", as labeled by President Obam...
Al-Qaeda lobbyists came to Washington to ask for $5 billion in relief so the organization can survive. They recently laid off 2000 terrorists and limited the amount of terrorist activities the remaining jihadists can partake in. Maimammah Atoldmi...
Washington, DC/ Sewerege Treatment News - Resistance is starting to build against President O'Bama's wrong headed commitment of pushing the Nation into unprecedented massive debt with pork barrel spending, even amongst leading Democrats. Demo...
The government is set to buy up toxic assets from UK banks and sell them to the public as confectionery. Treasury sources close to the deal explained uncertainty in the markets had created unease over any mortgage-backed assets - but most were pro...
USA/ Compiled AP Reports - The Democratic Congress today in a partisan party vote, set aside over $4b in Bail Out funds in response to overwhelming pleas from State Governments that they needed the money for new signs dedicating taxpayer funded publi...
(Washington, D.C.) A day after President Obama read an article that Wall Street bankers paid themselves 18 billion dollars in bonuses out of the Troubled Asset Relief Program (TARP), funds allocated to open up lending and credit, the President is pro...
Iceland's PM Geir Hallgrimur Haarde announced today the immediate collapse of his government in the wake of the country's dire economic crisis; news that came as a shock to a busy world community that had entirely forgotten Iceland existed. In a h...
WASHINGTON, D.C. - Following the House of Representatives' passage of an $819 billion economic stimulus bill without the benefit of one single Republican vote, President Obama has proposed a revolutionary new bill providing augmentative surgery for H...
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