Fresh from proving that butterflies are incapable of flight due to their wind rigidity being far too low, Valdimar Procrastinov has turned his attention to mobile phones and trains, proving beyond doubt that mobile phones cannot work on a moving trai...
The train company who supply the service to people who live in south east London and Kent have decided to change their name in an effort to reflect the quality of the service they provide. Southeastern Railways are to be rebranded as Uselesscunts...
With just months, weeks, days or even hours to the general election, Sir Richard Beardie has been drafted in as the UK's new Rail Tzar. In a move welcomed across party lines - although it must be said the zookeeper did warn in advance that the chi...
Stockport Train Station has this morning announced a record number of ticket cancellations for journeys to London on Sunday 28th February, the number of tickets is believed to be in thousands. Astonishingly, all the tickets were purchased between 10.
UK commuters were left literally rocking in the aisles today as the train operators revealed the latest excuse for trains running late - and as they say, it's a cracker. Slippery tracks! All services were reportedly running late because of 'sli...
Network rail has issued a statement following their announcement of the proposed £3¼ billion facelift for thousands of the UK's railway stations. They have assured the great British public that there will be the minimum of disruption during the pr...
Wikid-Innit Trains have offered a new deal to passengers with a low budget. Those passengers will be able to travel at half price if they agree to turn up at their station one hour earlier than their train is due, and participate in the station clean...
An underground railway worker who was seen yelling at an elderly passenger in a video has been promoted to head of customer service. A spokesman said Ian Outthecreases, a customer service assistant, was promoted for his skills on a small incident...
Why am I angry? If you ask yourself this question, have a think - could you have recently been exposed to the 'bad' number? Remember when Sudoku was all the rage a few years back? Notice now how it's all not the rage? In 2005 a government research team found that people who played excessive Sudoku on their morning train commute were subjected to prolonged exposure to the 'bad' number;...
Outback, Australia - Meryl Streep, who swears she only looked away for a second, has lost her toddler in a bizarre story of trains and dingos. Security footage is unclear, but some are saying that the stroller looked pushed on to the tracks. Othe...
At a press conference on Wednesday...South Carolina's lieutenant governor called for the resignation of Gov. Mark Sanford citing "serious misconduct" and "serious distractions" in connection with Sanford's extramarital affair with a woman from Argent...
Salem Gap, NC - Eight year old Johnny Stumph could tell his dog Jack was going to grow larger than most dogs when Jack would pull him on his skateboard up town Mountain Road. "When Jack was just a puppy I'd tie a rope around him and he'd pull me...
The Home Secretary, The Rt. Hon. Jock Strap, has today granted a pardon to the former great train robber Ronnie Biggs. Mr Strap said that Mr Biggs was free to pack his bags and leave his home for the past few months, ward 4, bed 2, (no mobiles all...
Not since the days of Dr Beeching's axe has so much attention been paid to the few peasants who travel by train to their humdrum jobs in London financial institutions. In a bid to reassure this focus group (known as "Yuppy Wankers" by the rest of...
ORLANDO, FL - As predicted, the horrific Metro crash in Washington D.C. two weeks ago was finally duplicated, though on a much smaller scale, in Orange County, Florida today when a Dizzney World monorail train smashed into the rear of another that wa...
SAN FRANCISCO, CA - The horrific Metro crash in Washington D.C. was virtually replayed in San Francisco today when an underground BART train headed for downtown smashed into the rear of another at the height of evening rush hour, injuring scores of c...
Great Britain was today sensationally left unguarded as Mi6 was apparently left on a train from Waterloo. Security Services, Police & PCSO Numpties from across the nation have been drafted in to find the elusive building which is usually left...
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