The Pride of the Apple iPhone 4, Siri, has been caught cloning identities and stealing credit card data. The artificially intelligent assistant on the phone has been using Bluetooth to connect to nearby unencrypted phones and extract any credit card...
An 18 year old Miami Florida teenager, Donny Disaster, was given an 'A' on the homework he left at the scene of a burglary. The homework was left on a desk that had been ransacked and alleviated of a box of cherry pop tarts. Apparently, Donny Disas...
The Conservative-Liberal Coalition has decided to reinstate slavery into the UK but with stringent strings attached. "Basically, we're not going to have a return to the good old days," said David Cameron, who will be putting Michael Portillo in ch...
Two notorious scrap metal thieves have finally made it into this year's U.K. Rich List. With a combined wealth of nearly £13 billion, Fred Copper and Albert Steel are already half-way up the Top 100 List, and aim to reach the top next year. "We...
Mr Gongle stood at the window of his bungalow and raised the telescope to his eye. "Fuck me Maude!" He cried, "Some bastards nicked the Solent!" "What you going on about Eric" Said his wife, as she placed the breakfast tray on the table. "The fuckin Solent has been stolen some bastard has had it away with the whole lot!" "Whatever gives you that idea Eric, you been drinking the Cuban b...
Black white guy, Jerry DeBungle, is suing the Miami, Florida police department for arresting him while trying to rob an East Miami, Crooked Bank. The 35 year old Mr. DeBungle claims the only reason he was arrested is because he was wearing a hoodie...
The crime epidemic that has hit the once sleepy village of Little Divot reached a disturbing level yesterday after an armed man attempted to rob the local post office. Villagers were left stunned recently after half an ounce of weed and three cann...
My friend Shylock Humes, Inspector Stanley Livingstone-Stanley and I were jogging through the suburbs of Norwood in a London growler, bound, as we thought, for the villa of Colonel Clavicord, late of the Bengal Dancers, who was there hosting the Annual Convention of Not Quite Correct Things, for there it was, according to Humes, that we should, at last, attain the longed-for denouement of the Adve...
Police are investigating the daring raid of an ATM, completely emptying it. The thieves, dubbed the Manchester Moles, dug a five hundred foot tunnel from an embankment to the shopping centre ATM; working only between midnight and five in the morning...
Several celebrity friends of shamed TV chef Anthony Worrall Thompson have been fighting his corner. They told a packed press-conference that - "sneaking a few extra items out of the self checkout at a supermarket Isn't really theft" and "that we all...
Thieves in Salford, near Manchester, have been targeting cars for the past few weeks, with police seeing a spike in automotive thefts. The thieves seem to be very particular about which cars they target. "They've being taking only Ford RS Turbos,"...
A Pennsylvania woman police have charged with heisting an 80-pound plaster-of-Paris Baby Jesus statuette reportedly has no remorse for her alleged actions. The hefty figurine was filched from its cradle in a nativity display in a strip mall in Virgi...
Several Brit supermarkets have been caught nicking from their punters by offering them "spoof" deals which are not quite what they seem. Many leading supermarket have been offering 1/2 price deals on many products leading up to the festive period...
Porcelain Thief, Rudolfo Garanzo, is found dead next to a pile of shattered porcelain. It is a dark 5:30PM as I stand with police and porcelain owner on the corner of Schiller and Broadway. It appears the porcelain was booby-trapped; however, the owner of the porcelain claims to know nothing. I speak with porcelain owner/possible murderer, Antonio Endanto. "Yes, of course I've heard of...
Two femme Fatales were arrested by the police yesterday after their daring robbery was foiled by most high tech (and unstoppable) of police tactics. The stationary, highly visible security camera. The two woman gang, made up of Rose "The Flowerpo...
London - Last weekend's 'despicable' theft of a £25,000 poppy brooch meant for public display on Katherine Jenkins' Festival of Remembrance bosom may have triggered a royal pilfering cover-up scandal media sources warned today. Hundreds of files a...
A 95 year-old granny from Braintree was awoken in the night by a strange intruder hoping to burgle her pension and silver crucifix. The granny from Braintree always kept her brolly at the side of her bed and as the burglar intruded she "brained" him...
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