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Funny satire stories about Ted Cruz

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Funny story: Ted Cruz the Showman (sung to the melody of "Frosty the Snowman")

Ted Cruz the Showman (sung to the melody of "Frosty the Snowman")

Ted Cruz the Showman was a sleazy scrappy soul, With McCarthy looks and a button nose And two eyes made out of coal. Ted Cruz the Showman is a sordid tale, they say, He was full of blow but Teabillies know How he came to life one day. There must have been some money To propel him to the top. For when they made him Senator He became a Tea Party prop. Oh, Ted Cruz the Showman was...

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Funny story: Political Tourette's Syndrome Disorder

Political Tourette's Syndrome Disorder

Clinical psychologists, looking into increasingly widespread dysfunction in the United States Congress, are suggesting an addendum to the DSM (Diagnostics and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders) to describe what they are calling Political Tourette's Syndrome Disorder. As an example, they cite Rep. Darrell Issa (R-Cal.) who, in response to a report of moderate job increases in the previous q...

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Funny story: What's With All of These GOP Tattoos?

What's With All of These GOP Tattoos?

ATLANTA - CNN is reporting that several political news magazines are spotlighting an interesting situation which involves several Republican politicians. CNN stated that American Spotlight Magazine remarked that an inside source has revealed that...

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Funny story: Gov. Christie to Compete in NYC Marathon

Gov. Christie to Compete in NYC Marathon

Special to TPN - Governor Chris Christie of New Jersey will be competing in the New York City Marathon to be held on November 2, 2014. Contrary to rumor, all lanes will be open on the Verrazano Bridge section of the course, but the center lane will b...

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Funny story: Ted Cruz, Wealthy Oppose Min. Wage Hike

Ted Cruz, Wealthy Oppose Min. Wage Hike

The current federal minimum wage in the U.S. is $7.25 an hour, full time pay less than $15,000 a year, way below the poverty level. Current proposals before congress would raise the floor to $10.10 an hour. This would leave a full-time employee still far below the poverty line but would be helpful. There is now widespread public support to raise the minimum wage. That is largely attribute...

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Funny story: Tea Party Advocates Destruction of All of America (Except its Golf Courses)

Tea Party Advocates Destruction of All of America (Except its Golf Courses)

Dateline: WASHINGTON-Senator and reputed Tea Party leader Ted Cruz introduced a resolution to the Senate yesterday, calling for the immolation of all of the United States apart from its golf courses. Speaking in favour of the motion on the congre...

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Funny story: Sarah Palin Eaten by Pro-choice Mama Grizzly While Hunting Caribou

Sarah Palin Eaten by Pro-choice Mama Grizzly While Hunting Caribou

SOMEWHERE IN ALASKA-Sarah Palin, the one-time ex-governor of Alaska and John McCain's running mate in his 2008 presidential bid, was eaten by a grizzly bear Wednesday while hunting caribou with her hunting buddy Ted Cruz. Palin, who was about...

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Funny story: The Trumpen Bird

The Trumpen Bird

Inspired by Lewis Carroll 'Twas brillig, and the Karl Rove Did tremble and tire in his soul; All flimsy were the borogoves, And the GOP o'er ruled. "Beware the Trumpen Bird, my son The jaws that bite, the mouth that spits! Beware the Trumpen Bird, and shun That frumious piece of shit!" Rove took his vorpal sword in hand; Long time the loudmouthed foe he sought-...

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Funny story: NFL officials to referee Congress

NFL officials to referee Congress

Washington DC - The National Football League has volunteered its squad of on-field officials to "referee" Congress. In announcing the arrangement, NFL commissioner Roger Goodell noted that his army of referees, field judges, umpires, linesmen, an...

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Funny story: The Two Teds to Tour Together

The Two Teds to Tour Together

In spite of the spanking the Tea Party received from Barack Obama after its failed government shutdown recently, Ted Cruz and Ted Nugent are unapologetic and are going to tour together to promote the stranglehold the Tea Party, they hope, still has o...

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Funny story: Ted Cruz and The Tea Party People Are Very Unhappy

Ted Cruz and The Tea Party People Are Very Unhappy

WASHINGTON, D.C. - It appears that Senator Ted "Teddy Boy" Cruz and most members of the Tea Party are extremely upset. Cruz informed the news media that he and the Tea Party members want the media and people in general to stop referring to them as...

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Funny story: Low Approval Numbers Force the Tea Party to Change Its Brand

Low Approval Numbers Force the Tea Party to Change Its Brand

Washington, DC - Registering approval ratings as low as 22% in recent polls, the United States Tea Party would rather fright than quit. The reactionary wing of the GOP is changing its name from the Tea Party to the Costume Party. "Voters love us,...

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Funny story: The GOP's "Big Tent" Is Collapsing

The GOP's "Big Tent" Is Collapsing

Houston, TX--Last year's election was a disaster for the GOP: it lost the presidency, the Democrats retained the Senate thanks to a handful of Tea Party loons, and Republicans retained the House in numbers but lost in aggregate votes by about a mill...

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Funny story: Ruling Authority to Re-Institute HUAC, Cites New "Red Scare"

Ruling Authority to Re-Institute HUAC, Cites New "Red Scare"

In light of attempts to dismantle the United States government by "red district" congressmen and dangerous outside groups, the R.A. plans to bring back the House Un-American Activities Committee. The earlier Committee, formed to investigate so-cal...

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Funny story: Child Avoids Trip to National Park

Child Avoids Trip to National Park

Eleven-year-old Ted Ews has narrowly avoided having to go on a Sunday trip with his family to Big Bend National Park, in Texas. "No," he shouted, stomping his foot, when his father, Barry, first voiced the idea during dinner the night before. "No.

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Funny story: Ted Cruz Reportedly Has 37 Unpaid Parking Tickets

Ted Cruz Reportedly Has 37 Unpaid Parking Tickets

WASHINGTON, D.C. - The White House has just announced that Republican Senator Ted "The Yapper" Cruz has a total of 37 unpaid parking tickets going back to August of 2012. White House Press Secretary Cal Colfax said that the matter was brought to h...

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Funny story: Senator Ted Cruz Has Been Told That President Obama Will Be Watching Him Like A Hawk

Senator Ted Cruz Has Been Told That President Obama Will Be Watching Him Like A Hawk

WASHINGTON, D.C. - The political circles in the nation's capital are brimming with talk about the man who has just become a persona non grata in the eyes of President Obama. Ted "The Mouth" Cruz thought he was being real cute when he went on and o...

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