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Funny story: Cardinals Reveal "Morgan Freeman Was Our Second Choice"

Cardinals Reveal "Morgan Freeman Was Our Second Choice"

The 115 Cardinals who selected Jorge Mario Bergoglio of Argentina to be the next pope announced today that actor Morgan Freeman was their second choice even though Freeman isn't a Catholic. "Si, Si, that's true," said Italian Cardinal Arsenio De...

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Funny story: Pope's Former Neighbor Recalls Love Letter

Pope's Former Neighbor Recalls Love Letter

An Argentine man who grew up as the neighbor of the future Pope Francis says he was very briefly the object of his affections when the future pontiff was 12. Pedro Damonte, now 96, still lives four doors down from where Jorge Mario Bergoglio grew...

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Funny story: Vatican First Lady demands Obama-style armored limo

Vatican First Lady demands Obama-style armored limo

Rome - The Pope's lawfully-wedded Ecuadorean wife is in talks with Vatican Garages Inc to scrap the 'downmarket' official popemobile for a rhinestone-studded Chevrolet Kodiak-based, Cadillac-badged limo 'just like the one Michelle Obama enjoys'. A...

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Funny story: Pope Emeritus Wants His Old Job Back

Pope Emeritus Wants His Old Job Back

"Mamma mia, I resigned too soon," he's told friends. He had hoped to find another job, but he didn't realize that there aren't many to be found in this economy. Word is he's been pounding the pavement; but, so far, no luck. Potential employers are...

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Funny story: Pope Francis Admits He Probably Won't Get This Much Attention Until He Dies

Pope Francis Admits He Probably Won't Get This Much Attention Until He Dies

After being elected Pope yesterday, Francis I has readily accepted the fact that the wave of interest in him will soon diminish and the glare of the world's media will soon darken to nothing more than a dim pin prick of light and the next time he gra...

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Funny story: Rodman and the Pope

Rodman and the Pope

The appearance of the new pontiff triggered the third roar from more than 100,000 people jammed into St. Peter's Square. Perhaps the loudest outburst coming when a rain soaked Dennis Rodman made his appearance. He indicated that Bergoglio was his ch...

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Funny story: New Argentinean Pope Declares War on Falkland Islands

New Argentinean Pope Declares War on Falkland Islands

The new Argentinean Pope 'Jorge Bergolio Maradonna' has declared war on the Falkland Islanders by ex-communicating all 20,000 of the islanders at the stroke of a pen. In his inaugural speech from the balcony of the Vatican overlooking St Peters Squar...

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Funny story: Tribal Group Sues the Vatican Over Smoke Signal Rights

Tribal Group Sues the Vatican Over Smoke Signal Rights

Cheyenne, Wyoming -- The Tribal Gathering Is taking the Catholic Church to court over its use of smoke signals to announce papal election results. "Just because you know how to build a fire doesn't mean you can steal our proven communications tech...

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Funny story: Outgoing Chief Rabbi offers to be new Pope

Outgoing Chief Rabbi offers to be new Pope

The outgoing Chief Rabbi of the UK, Lord Dr Jonathan Sachs, has made a magnanimous offer to the College of Cardinals in the Vatican by offering to become the new Pope. His office said that he made the offer for a number of reasons, some practical...

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Funny story: Weed Smoking Cardinals Get High To Pick New Pope

Weed Smoking Cardinals Get High To Pick New Pope

All eyes will be peeled on the chimney of the Sistine Chapel on Wednesday as the Roman Catholic cardinals tasked with electing the next pope convene for a second day of unadulterated pot smoking. The 115 voting eligible church leaders will return...

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Funny story: Brown smoke from Vatican chimney! "We were just kidding---for God's sake!"

Brown smoke from Vatican chimney! "We were just kidding---for God's sake!"

The world was stunned early this morning as brown smoke spewed from the Vatican chimney. "What does this mean? What has happened? Have the Cardinals lost their minds?" As the media speculated and the worlds Catholics tried desperately to make se...

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Funny story: Simon Cowell being brought in to help find new Pope

Simon Cowell being brought in to help find new Pope

In a shock announcement by the Vatican today, it has been confirmed that Simon Cowell, the mastermind behind popular talent shows such as "Britain's Got Morons" and "£X-Factor" is being drafted in to bring some life to the process for choosing a new...

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Funny story: Airport-style security scanners will search Cardinals for pagan implants, satanic tattoos etc

Airport-style security scanners will search Cardinals for pagan implants, satanic tattoos etc

Rome - A light frisking under the cassock was all that was needed in 2005 when the church's princes lined up their credentials to elect a new Pope under Olden Day rules. On Tuesday the Vatican's new get-tough policy on wackos and weirdos kicks int...

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Funny story: Bloomberg Bids To Become The Second Jewish Pope

Bloomberg Bids To Become The Second Jewish Pope

The Vatican -- New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg is moving to complete a deal that would make him the second Jewish Pontiff of the Roman Catholic Church. "St. Peter was Jewish and he turned out to be the indestructible rock God chose to head his ch...

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Funny story: US cardinals prepare for Bush/Gore 2000-style election standoff

US cardinals prepare for Bush/Gore 2000-style election standoff

Rome - Pungent early whiffs of a hung Conclave have seen America's thirteen cardinals secretly hire heavyweight lawyers for their respective corners amid fears of a Vatican dirty tricks department coup. A hanging chad scenario of dodgy ballot pape...

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Funny story: Drunken Cardinals In Orgy Of Violence Cause Havoc In Rome's Nightclubs And Bars

Drunken Cardinals In Orgy Of Violence Cause Havoc In Rome's Nightclubs And Bars

Rome is preparing itself for another night of violence, vandalism and mayhem as more cardinals arrive in the Italian city to vote on a new pope. "It happens every time they need a new pontiff," explained bar owner Luigi Pistone as he swept broken...

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Funny story: Pope Enjoying Retirement, Says

Pope Enjoying Retirement, Says

ROME, ITALY - Now ex-Pope Benedict XVI has given his first interview since retirement to Italian media channel "Televisio El Italiano" from his Roman mansion earlier today. The interviewer questioned him on such topics as "why the big hat?", "how do you wash the big hat?" and "can I have a big hat?" The Pope simply waved his hand and explained. "My name is Cardinal Ratzinger, please. I am Pope...

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