Writers please to not give up Your dream to write your novel If Stephen King had gone that route He'd be living in a hovel. He took some risks and kept 'the faith' When faced with writer's block He'd take a walk around his house And oft times got a shock. Just looking at his wee black cat A story came to mind. It is a KILLER cat (he thought) And a story he did find. So don't desp...
This article was admitted... er submitted, by a Spoof reporter of great maturity and senility, during one of his rare moments of semi-lucidity. Written while he was in the queue at the local Job Centre Plus Jobs Fair, where it was gently pointed out to him, his age, his mental state, his medical conditions, and was then asked to zip up his flies, he was led out of the building by security. Anyway,...
One of the old farts who contribute their pathetic rubbish to our magazine, (we've tried to discourage him) has sent in yet another of his 'Odes' - this time about the downhill differences he finds himself suffering from 1959 to 2011. Being as we rejected to git's previous three pieces of crap, we thought we'd better include this one, as it is not as bad as his usual offerings. The place I now...
The following poetic diatribe was sent in by a 64 year old, sick, grotesque, unemployed, uneducated lower-class personage from Nottingham. The editor thought it sufficiently morose and applicable for it to be published in the 'Spoof'. The Times, Guardian, The Grots End Gazette, The Freemasons Monthly, and the Sun refused the offer of publishing. The News of the World was going to, but sadly...
The latest (July 2011) winner of the Sarcastic Political ode, in the Inchcock's Gazette publication, is Thebaldus Dimwhit, from Nottingham in the UK. The decrepit editor, who has already increased the circulation of the Gazette to 3 a month in the twelve years he's been in charge said; Mr Dimwhit, has updated his ode, while he was in hospital recovering from a split finger nail on his left foo...
Our decrepit reporter and crap ode writer, Inchcock, this week presents his pathetic attempt at collating his thoughts on the Coalition Government in rhyme. For their intentions, wishes, and desires, although they're not always benign, You cannot blame them; superiority is embedded in their bloodline, Their dishonest antics, leaves a bitter taste in the mouth, like quinine, Their preeminent...
D. Isolutioned, our resident pathetically inept Spoof ode writer, has scribbled down his forecast and advice for anyone in the UK who has been made redundant over the last three year, and the next 2 million people who will become redundant in the next three years, to read, consider, and comment on. Here it is: You will expect your experience to hold you in good stead, You'll soon learn no-one...
You tarnish your album With that fucking song You tarmac my road But that's nothing wrong You tarnish the mornings With incessant tweeting But your tweeting on Twitter Takes some beating You tarnish my thoughts You tarnish your sequels You tarnish my silver You tarnish your equals You tarnish my varnish And make it vanish You tarnish my rhymes So I have to use mannish You...
Arise Sir Bruce Of wig abuse And jokes so old They've all been told A thousand times By men of wit Though mostly shit Good game, good game Not really. But he can dance And he'll romance Ex beauty queens And if he means To cause offence He'll blame his age His life's a stage Higher, lower Joker The cards he's played The friends he's made For generations On TV stations He's...
In this issue we bring you the winning entry in the 'Upper Denture Gazette', in their 'In Memory Of..' series competition this month. It was penned by Inchcock Chambers, who was unable to attend the award ceremony at the 'Upper Denture Arms snug', as his monthly sanity tests are due at the institution. He was sent to Kirkaldy High School for an academic hothouse education, He was rebellious th...
The Inchcock Institute of Lesser Educated Nitwits, today disclosed their winning political ode for their May 2011 competition. It was created, we believe perhaps in France, cause the writer claimed he wrote it: 'While having a funny turn in the Louvre?! I find the way politicians morals have sank to be tragical, Solutions to this dilemma are not forthcoming, workable or logical, They exist...
Who put the "might" in Marmite? By Rob Barratt The sandwich beast A feast of yeast Historic remnant of the brewer A staple of the English po-or Extracted now from Danish shelves Spread the word, assert yourselves But don't break down as a knackered car might And don't let the Danes get rid of Marmite Some say that you must love or hate it It's not like cheese, you just can't grate i...
This is the sad and tragic story of little Johnny Lamart Who was thrown into a murtle pit for being a tad too smart By the grand officialdom of a South Bumbledom Bloatus Who warranted his arrest with a thousand page notice. The notice was laid out in fine beadledom jargon And printed up special by a swindler named Marvin On strips of flypaper that stretched from the nose to the chin, with...
MANCHESTER - An unemployed poet named Chippington Vexhill, 66, informed his grandmother Dulcinea Vexhill, 102, that as he was reading his copy of The Manchester Morning Manc he suddenly looked down at his plate and got a bit of a fright. Vexhill said that he had to do a double take, ala Benny Hill, as right there in the middle of his blueberry crumpet he clearly saw an image of one of Pippa Mid...
A secondary teacher in Ashford, Kent has been given a formal reprimand after using a racist poem to explain voting patterns in the U.K. 40 year old social studies teacher Lynus Broadbent was instructing a 3rd year class on electoral trends and was...
The Equal Rights Commission is to sue any U.K. local authority education department which allows the use of the traditional poem "2 Little Dicky Birds" in the classroom. The ERC, which aims to 'combat discrimination and promote equality', is homin...
Artemis Thunderberg, the reclusive poet, artist, writer and raconteur, who lives in a caravan somewhere near Glastonbury has announced that he hasn't completely ruled out the possibility that he may tour the UK again with his fabulously eccentric one...
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