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Funny satire stories about Old People

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Funny story: More things people say and do to old people.

More things people say and do to old people.

Wal-Mart checkout The check out lady at Wal-Mart's said, "Is this yours," as she picked up my upper bridge from the conveyor belt. Thank God! I thoughts it had dropped into the urinal in the men's room. "Thanks," I said and put it back in my mouth! Full disclosure: Actually, this hasn't happened yet, but I wouldn't, if I were you, stand near me if you see me start to sneeze. You know you...

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Funny story: Things people say and do to old people

Things people say and do to old people

"My! Aren't we looking spiffy today!" "Are you freaking blind!?" "You're not getting older, you're just getting better!" "Really?" "You're only as old as you feel!" "OK. I feel like 120, I think like 40. You wanna average that out, it's still 80!" "Hi young man!" "Puleeeese!" "Well….How are WE feeling today?" "OK. I'll go first. It's the bowel move...

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Funny story: Age Related Benefit Shock

Age Related Benefit Shock

The Government has been urged to re-think the whole matter of age related benefits after several amazing events. Flora Robson (91) took the stage at Wimbledon in a short but impressive run. Tennis guru John Muckyroe (63), formerly a Tennis comment...

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Funny story: Oregon Woman Arrested For Trying To Trade Elderly Aunt For An iPhone

Oregon Woman Arrested For Trying To Trade Elderly Aunt For An iPhone

EUGENE, Oregon - Local authorities in Eugene are reporting that they have taken a woman into custody and bail has been set at $700,000. Early Friday, Eugene police were called to an address on Lumberjack Lane after getting a call that a woman had...

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Funny story: Ferguson is Sith Lord, FA report finds

Ferguson is Sith Lord, FA report finds

A report by the Football Association has accidentally stumbled across information indicating that Sir Alex Ferguson is a Sith. The governing body was forced to launch an inquiry after various premiership clubs alleged that he had the ability to in...

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Funny story: Dementia care costs Americans $159 billion per year, seniors asked to stop faking it

Dementia care costs Americans $159 billion per year, seniors asked to stop faking it

HARFOLD, Vt. - Harfold State College released a study today positing that the leading bullshit reason why young people feel forced to spend time with their old parents and grandparents is also costly. Dementia is as silent and deadly as an old fart a...

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Funny story: Grandfather's progressive views on homosexuality overshadowed by calling it "the gay"

Grandfather's progressive views on homosexuality overshadowed by calling it "the gay"

New Martinsville, WV--Attendants at the Deutmeyer family dinner reported mixed emotions Thursday night, as the progressive stance on homosexuality of Martin Deutmeyer, 84, was marred by family patriarch referring to homosexuality as "the gay", "the q...

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Funny story: Elderly man found living as dog with pack of hounds!

Elderly man found living as dog with pack of hounds!

The Franklin Times newspaper in rural North Carolina is reporting today that an elderly man has been found living in the woods near Louisburg, NC with a pack of dogs and is living as part of the pack. Apparently the man is healthy and relatives stat...

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Funny story: "Guns don't kill people! Old age kills people!"---Wayne LaPierre

"Guns don't kill people! Old age kills people!"---Wayne LaPierre

Wayne LaPierre, head of the NRA, held a press conference this morning to make a major announcement. His Face flushed and obviously excited, he gripped a sheaf of papers and took the podium. He began: "Guns don't kill people! Old age kills people...

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Funny story: Bone Idol Garbage Collectors Chastised By Senior

Bone Idol Garbage Collectors Chastised By Senior

Frank Walker is furious. He claims he is "sick to death" of lazy garbage collectors who pick up his trash from the residential care home where he has resided for the last 5 years. So furious is Frank that he has organized a protest of what he call...

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Funny story: Britain's Oldest Woman in fear of her life

Britain's Oldest Woman in fear of her life

Emily Harrison, Britain's oldest woman has contacted police, afraid for her life. "She believes that Maggie Davies of Kings Close in Dorking is gunning for her, in order to take the title of oldest woman in Britain for herself," said Detective Ins...

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Funny story: Congressional plan to balance budget

Congressional plan to balance budget

Washington DC - With the threat of the physical cliff eminent, a maverick group congressional leaders is dealing with the issue. "The 2% are running out of sources of income. But we know where the money is. Old people", related a congressman,...

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Funny story: Quentin Kelp MP - A Bingo Prize and Nail Biting

Quentin Kelp MP - A Bingo Prize and Nail Biting

Dear Constituents I have had a very hectic week or so and please excuse the wet smudges on this newsletter as I admit to feeling unusually sad at the moment. Living disguised as eighty-six year old Ada Marples in Grey Gables Old Person's Home has had a profound, emotional effect on me and I am beginning to question the value of continuing as your elected member. Would I be better working...

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Funny story: 47% of the 47% boo Ryan off stage at AARP meet and greet

47% of the 47% boo Ryan off stage at AARP meet and greet

OLD FOLKS HOME, FL (ABSNN) - Mitt Romney wrote off 47% of all Americans as entitlement leeches, and his running mate, Paul Ryan, pissed off 47% of that 47%, namely the elderly, in a speech today. Congressman Ryan was booed off the stage at a Meet an...

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Funny story: Mysterious Post Office Rammings In Florida- Caused By Al Queda Or Alzheimers?

Mysterious Post Office Rammings In Florida- Caused By Al Queda Or Alzheimers?

The Florida Postal Service has made an unusual request of their local patronage- to stop running into their Post Offices with their autos (see Yahoo News). There have recently been eight crashes supposedly due to 'old timers' tapping the gas pedal in...

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Funny story: Quentin Kelp MP - Bingo and a Vibrator

Quentin Kelp MP - Bingo and a Vibrator

Dear Constituents I have had a most relaxing few days. This is not what I expected after I moved into Grey Gables Old Persons' Home two days ago, but the service has been excellent. On the other hand, I suppose, I was fortunate in that my residence here was temporary and voluntary. Unlike the other long term residents I had not really been abandoned by my family to live amongst health a...

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Funny story: Local man 'could have sworn' John McCain was president

Local man 'could have sworn' John McCain was president

While watching the Democratic National Convention yesterday, local resident Artye McDaniels, 103, was confused to find that Barack Obama is the president of the United States. "Obama is president, ya say?" A perplexed McDaniels said. "That can't...

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