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Funny story: Lottery To Become Compulsory

Lottery To Become Compulsory

The Government has today announced that taking part in the National Lottery is to become compulsory with immediate effect. The announcement follows on from the revelation that fully half of the Lottery's 'Good Causes' funding now goes on Health, E...

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Funny story: Lottery cash to restore Parker Bowles vagina

Lottery cash to restore Parker Bowles vagina

Clarence House - (ReUterus & Sordid Ass Mess): The Heritage Lottery Fund has given £487,500 towards the £725,000 transformation of the Duchess of Cornwall's vagina after her disastrous 2007 hysterectomy operation. A Clarence House spokesman s...

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Funny story: BBC In National Lottery Ceefax Shambles

BBC In National Lottery Ceefax Shambles

The BBC is in hot water tonight after a new National Lottery mistake appears to have cost at least one member of the public a massive £4million jackpot payout. Terence Alshite, from Dorset, who plays Lotto every week with the same numbers - 5, 8,...

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Funny story: New 50th State Lottery

New 50th State Lottery

Following his re-sale of Alaska to the Russians, Gov. Blogojevich announced a World Lottery to choose the new 50th State of the Union. When it was pointed out that his unilateral actions had nullified the flag and many people's collections of Stat...

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Funny story: National Lottery Ticket Scandal Latest

National Lottery Ticket Scandal Latest

National Lottery operator Camelot has apologised to customers after a technical problem left lottery players across the country unable to buy their tickets as usual. The "network communications issue" had affected those wishing to buy tickets in s...

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Funny story: Alistair Darling Unveils Latest Credit Crunch Gamble

Alistair Darling Unveils Latest Credit Crunch Gamble

Chancellor Alistair, Darling has today unveiled the government's latest plan which he says is needed to save the UK from a deep and long-lasting recession - he will invest more government money on the National Lottery. The National Lottery, says D...

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Funny story: Frogs Know Lottery Numbers

Frogs Know Lottery Numbers

Some say you can't teach an old dog new tricks, but can it be too early? Apparently not, if the behavior of wood frogs is any indication. Those amphibians can learn to identify winning lottery numbers while still in the egg, according to new researc...

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Funny story: Hubble Telescope predicts Lottery numbers

Hubble Telescope predicts Lottery numbers

Scientists who have spent the last 20 years looking further and further out into space in order to understand what happened billions of years ago, have announced a stunning new discovery. By turning the Hubble Telescope round a bit, astonished b...

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Funny story: Paulson Proposes National Lottery to Dump Bad Mortgages!

Paulson Proposes National Lottery to Dump Bad Mortgages!

Washington,DC/ Wall Street Journal - Secretary of the Treasury, Henry Paulson, today proposed a national lottery to dispose of a significant amount of sub prime mortgages in default. Paulson's plan would mandate that state lotteries no longer use...

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Funny story: Government finance plan close to success

Government finance plan close to success

Alastair Darling was disappointed when his plan to revive the UK economy failed late on Friday. "I had 4 numbers on the Euromillions and 1 lucky star." said Alastair. "If I had got the other main number and another lucky star we'd have been laughi...

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Funny story: Eighty-eight-year-old grandmother wins State Lottery! "Thank you God for having such a great sense of humor," says Grandma

Eighty-eight-year-old grandmother wins State Lottery! "Thank you God for having such a great sense of humor," says Grandma

New Britain, Connecticut - Holding no animosity against God for allowing her to win one million dollars in the Connecticut state lottery in the autumn of her life, Rose Marie-Mathews, a great-great-great grandmother at 88, instead thanks him for havi...

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Funny story: National Audit Office gains Lottery funding for case studies

National Audit Office gains Lottery funding for case studies

The National Audit Office, the Government spending watchdog that doesn't actually watch dogs, or for that matter take a really great interest in Government spending, has obtained Lottery money to employ a new case study worker. This funding has co...

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Funny story: National Lottery Fake Ticket Scandal

National Lottery Fake Ticket Scandal

A man from Leicester has told how he cashed-in on unclaimed National Lottery Jackpots with tickets he, himself, made on a homemade printing press in his garden shed. John Swagg, 42, told detectives of his scheme after he was apprehended at a local...

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Funny story: Lottery Darling

Lottery Darling

Alastair Darling shocked members of the cabinet today with his new plan to save the economy. He has set aside £1.5 million of treasury funds to buy a million eurolottery tickets. Alastair told the front bench team that euromillions represents the...

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Funny story: New NHS Lottery announced

New NHS Lottery announced

The National Health Service has announced today that it is joining forces with National Lottery organisers 'Camelot' to produce the 'Health Lottery'. Sick and dying people simply buy a ticket in the usual manner by picking six numbers. Every Satur...

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Funny story: George Michael Lottery Ticket Turns Up In Jeans At Charity Shop

George Michael Lottery Ticket Turns Up In Jeans At Charity Shop

The lottery ticket that pop star George Michael said he was looking for when arrested in a Beverly Hills public toilet, has turned up in a pair of jeans in a charity shop in London. Michael, was arrested by a pretty undercover policeman, Marcelo R...

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Funny story: New tabloid newspaper quiz set to be a record-breaker

New tabloid newspaper quiz set to be a record-breaker

Two 'red-top' British tabloids - the Sun and Daily Star - are set to co-operatively launch what is said to be the UK's biggest ever daily newspaper quiz, which threatens to tumble the National Lottery from its crown position. With daily prizes be...

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