Pub rock band Oily and the Blanchmange have now played Last Christmas by Wham for the seventh time Even the jazz-tinged saxophonist Tim Dewberry-Sprocket is getting sick of it. 'I know it is a classic Christmas song' bewailed Tim 'but our singe…
On watching an old episode of Vera, married couple Gary and Lorraine Johnson have been arguing about what else they saw an extra in lately. 'There he was' said Gary 'a big, beardy bloke, drinking a pint in the pub, as Vera and Joe go in to talk to…
Barry Asshat put 12-year-old tabby cat, Snootles McGee, among a small group of pigeons today. 'It was just a bit of whimsy' said Barry 'I saw Snootles, and I picked him up, and put him in a group of pigeons'. It wasn't quite like that though, w…
18-month-old Gerbil Snuffles knows that it is the most interesting thing in his owner's life. Snuffles is mentioned in all of his owner's posts on social media, as well as having his own accounts on Twitter, Instagram and Facebook. 'It is ridic…
Things are getting exciting in the Archers, with not one, but two choirs in the offing. One is aimed at the youth, and the other is aimed at the older bods, and you just know that come Christmas, there will be either blood-shed or a sing-along for…
Spencer Louis, an influencer has told his social media followers (all 15 of them) that he wants to be the next Prime Minister. 'I think I would have a few good, workable ideas. I would invest the money well, take an interest in the lives of people…
Walter the Fungus, an uplifting children's book written by a former children's television presenter which only sold 129 copies at £9.99 hasn't sold any copies at £4.99 in the Black Friday Sale. Walter is rejected by everyone, until he finds a coll…
97-year-old William Wilberforce is reading a book given to him on his 93rd birthday, called 100 things to do before you die. William, a father of four, mother of none, and grandfather of 11 has decided to do something about it. 'Yes, I thought…
Idiot Gavin Williamson, a part-time shoplifter was said to be confused after seeing a self-help section in a book-shop. Already confused by everyone else for the government minister, this Williamson was so confused by the bookshelf that he put bac…
Envelope Josh Widdicombe is spending his third day at the sorting office in Chutney on the Fritz due to the postal strikes. Speaking to us in his surprisingly deep, manly voice the medium-sized Jiffy envelope said 'I had hoped to be on my way by n…
Kevin Morrissey from down your street has been going on about television on his blog, again. Here we quote him in full (obviously with his permission, well as much permission as you can ask from a fictional character that has just been invented for a…
Philadelphia restaurant owner, Alexander Foninsky, recently ate 40 cooked chickens in 40 days to spread Joy in the World. He is locally called ‘Rotisserie Man.' He has not explained how eating 40 chickens spreads Joy in the World - but just s…
The clueless bloke on the table next to yours is still banging on about something he knows nothing about. You would interrupt him, but his discourse is so funny because it is so wrong. 'I read it on the internet, so it must be true' he says 'I…
Distinctly strange bloke Timothy Claypole has bought 10 copies of the same book and now has Christmas 2022 sorted. You might think that the book is one of life-affirming importance, where Timothy has fallen in love with the characters, the storyli…
Although it never does any good, Facebook user Gavin Williamson is complaining on Facebook again. Although always confused with the Conservative minister of the same name, this Gavin Williamson is actually complaining about the price of stamps.
Brian Asshat, a man fond of judging other people's lives, and telling them about it has found that if Elon Musk starts charging for people to use Twitter, he will have to pay for his views to be known. Brian Asshat's followers, Snootles McGee, Sno…
Contrary to the usual practice, the 5 million TV Channels will only show Mary Poppins 37 times this Christmas and have said that It's A Wonderful Life, Gremlins, Die Hard and Elf will only be 39 times each, as opposed to the 14,000 times they are sho…
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