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Funny story: Problem Page

Problem Page

This Week's Guest Editor: Surrealist artist MARCEL DUCHAMP Dear Marcel, please can you help me? My grandad is in nursing care and my gran has been seeing another man at the day centre. I visit grandad in the home and he thinks gran still loves him. Grandad is coming out of the nursing home for Christmas Day and we are all going round to Mum's. I'm dreading Christmas dinner. Hayley, Gre...

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Funny story: Woman, 40, Details Her 2010 Adventures In A Group Holiday Letter

Woman, 40, Details Her 2010 Adventures In A Group Holiday Letter

A woman sent a mass holiday mailing last week updating her friends and family on all the things which happened to her during the year. Citing being "too busy" to contact any of them personally, Jane Smith, 40, chose the group mailing approach. Re...

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Funny story: Dear Spoofy....

Dear Spoofy....

I'm sorry I haven't written to you in a while. My life's become rather complicated lately. Since I wrote to you last I have run off with two acrobatic twins from the Moscow State Circus. We enjoy the most fantastic sex, sometimes without even being in the same room. I had to leave Moscow suddenly because I murdered a babushka one morning at the bus stop. It was her or me. She was armed with a s...

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Funny story: Letters to US Presidents - From the American People

Letters to US Presidents - From the American People

Scholars doing research at the USA'S various presidential libraries have discovered letters written to the former presidents by ordinary citizens. Three examples are provided for President Richard M Nixon, President William J Clinton and President Barack H Obama (sitting president without a presidential library). Dear President Nixon: It has come to my attention that you have dispatched a group...

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Funny story: Continuing Rainforest Threat - Yet More Letters To The Editor

Continuing Rainforest Threat - Yet More Letters To The Editor

Dear Sir, I am writing in something of a self-defence mode today (how ironic to have to defend oneself in a supposedly free country only purged of the Nazi threat by brave soldiers cheered on by yours truly!), after reading an article in your usually-praiseworthy journal as recently as recently. This was a humorous 'squib' or 'skit' I fancy, about my famous songs 'We'll Meet Again' and 'White C...

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Funny story: More Letters To The Editor - From Fictional British TV Characters - Take 2

More Letters To The Editor - From Fictional British TV Characters - Take 2

Sir, Television these days isn't as good as it used to be. When I was on top of my game, TV was full of gritty realism. The women wore hairnets, or headscarves, brooked no nonsense, and spoke as they found. The blokes all smoked fags and had 'proper' jobs, apart from Stan, the window cleaner, who were a lazy get. There were none of these dolly birds with fit legs in short skirts with cleavage a...

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Funny story: Letters To The Editor - From Fictional American TV Characters

Letters To The Editor - From Fictional American TV Characters

Sir, I was a rich TV star way back in the 1960's, and let me tell you, it weren't all that diff'rent to what them folks go through today. Why, even back then, I done had me a stalker. Her name wus Miz Hathaway, and she worked to the bank. And she was as pug ugly as a bloodhound with a spinnin' cactus plant stuck up his ass. Mostly had fun doin' it - but Ellie May would not gosh durn it put out.

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Funny story: Letters To The Editor - From Fictional British TV Characters

Letters To The Editor - From Fictional British TV Characters

Sir Whatever happened to reflective shop windows? I used to have oodles of fun with them. I'd sort of position myself in a certain way, and then stretch out an arm and a leg, and the semi-reflection made it look as if I was a star shaped, levitating human person. Or something. You don't see them any more. Shame about that. It was really funny. Harry Worth, Wembley. Sir I for one don't...

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Funny story: Letters To The Editor - About Fish

Letters To The Editor - About Fish

Sir Just to say that I quite like fish fingers. Not the cheap ones with the grey stuff inside. I'm talking about the proper ones with chunks of cod fillet inside. Those ones are lovely, especially with a plate of chips and some nice garden peas. A lovely teatime treat which goes nice with a splash of ketchup. C Birdseye, Lowestoft. Sir My dad keeps tropical fish in a big tank. It has a...

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Funny story: NHS rapped over Scaremongering Obesity Letters

NHS rapped over Scaremongering Obesity Letters

The NHS has been accused of trying to 'scare people well' by Health Minister, Simon Burns. Primary Care Trusts have been sending out letters to schoolchildren as little as an ounce over their ideal weight, telling them that they are obese and will...

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Funny story: Letters To The Editor Which We Retrieved From The Bin

Letters To The Editor Which We Retrieved From The Bin

Sir I used to quite enjoy browsing your website, and reading salacious tales about vaginas, vuvuzelas, and Victory-V lozenges. However, I feel that I must complain about some of the site's current advertisers. The ones with all the little brain teasers. I come here to laugh at the rude stories, not sit a mock GCSE Maths exam. I mean, if I qualified for MENSA membership, I'd hardly be reading Sp...

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Funny story: Letters To The Editor - From Late On A Saturday Night

Letters To The Editor - From Late On A Saturday Night

Sir, I went out to the pub earlier, and when I left the flat, I could have sworn there was a pot noodle in the cupboard. Now it's gone. I dunno what happened to it. I got fish and chips on the way home, and had just started tucking in at the bus stop when I dropped the bloody lot on the ground due to unsteadiness. Waste of a fiver that was. Thing is, the bus came so I didn't have time to get an...

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Funny story: Letters To The Editor - From Abroad.

Letters To The Editor - From Abroad.

Sir, I'd like to complain about the degree of anti-Scottish bias on show in your internet tabloid rag. Scotland is real. It exists, and as we never tire of telling you sassenach bastards; we've got the oil, we gave you television, we gave you the telephone, we gave you tarmac, not to mention Doctor Finlay's Casebook and Andy Stewart's White Heather Club Hogmanay Party Show, Gordon Brown, Dennis...

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Funny story: Yet More Letters To The Editor

Yet More Letters To The Editor

Dear Sir, I always enjoy your magazine. It comes to me rolled-up into a cylinder. It is such a joy when the postman thrusts it through my letterbox flaps every Friday morning. He's a wiry little fellow, my postman. His name is Iago. Really. I know what you're thinking. He's Welsh. His family were gravel-farmers. I'm all a-quiver, from early every Friday, waiting for Iago to thrust your magazine t...

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Funny story: Letters To The Editor - From Non-English Speakers

Letters To The Editor - From Non-English Speakers

Sir I am being very very confused. I am writing for satirical website similar to your wife. Then I am being turned feet over head with many stories about Miley Cyrus being vagina, up her skirt, and with large penis. I am not understanding why I am no longer top of our chart with my amusing cricket stories. Who is Rod Patterson and what do vampires do? I feel it is only fair that we complete on...

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Funny story: Even More Bloody Stupid Letters To The Editor

Even More Bloody Stupid Letters To The Editor

Sir I've just been watching Cheryl Cole singing 'live' on the telly at a summer gig. What a rip off. She only did the talking bits and even then the backing singers were the real stars. Truth is, she can't sing for shit. I have also heard that she intends to keep the 'Cole' name, despite impending divorce proceedings from Ashley. So where does that leave Ashley if in future he wants to marry a...

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Funny story: Letters to Congressperson Doofos from a Constituent

Letters to Congressperson Doofos from a Constituent

Have you written to your Congressperson or Senator lately about pertinent issues such as healthcare reform, energy legislation, tax credits, illegal Immigration, out of control spending, the economy, the national debt, the BP oil spill or Michelle's garden? Then to only receive an inane response, written by a legislative aide, such as follows. Dear Congressperson Doofos: I do not believe that t...

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