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Funny satire stories about Language

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Funny story: It Actually Isn't What It Is

It Actually Isn't What It Is

Linguistic experts say the phrase, "It is what it is," is incorrect, and in reality, it isn't what it is. "At one time it might have been what it is, or was, but it isn't anymore," said American Linguistic Association spokesman Binder Porkmann.

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Funny story: Two communications professors trade over whether or not "friggin'" is a real word

Two communications professors trade over whether or not "friggin'" is a real word

Two college professors had to be forcibly separated by students after they got into a fistfight over whether or not the term "friggin'" is a real word. 64 year-old Professor Wilkie Hyennisfield admitted to police that he threw the first punch.

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Funny story: Holby City To Blame For New Disease

Holby City To Blame For New Disease

Scientists and hospital staff are baffled this evening as Hugo Mountbatten, 41 from Wigan, continues to talk in overly complex medical jargon after prolonged contact with the BBC medical drama series 'Holby City'. The bar owner, from the Pemberton...

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Funny story: Like, literally awesome

Like, literally awesome

The campaign for plain English has outlawed the use of "literally" and "like" as used by Will.I.Am. He was made to recite and memorise this poem. "Like, literally awesome" by Rob Barratt It was literally awesome Some awe was in place I was literally gobsmacked I got punched in the face I was literally spaced out Floating round the room I was literally flying I was, like, over the mo...

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Funny story: English Professor Threatens BBC Over "Them"

English Professor Threatens BBC Over "Them"

Professor Finn L. Straw is threatening to blow up one of the BBC's broadcasting masts if his demands are not met. The drama began last night as this publication went to press. His protest concerns the use of the word "them" instead of "those" and the...

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Funny story: Spelling Bee Winner prepares for life of ridicule

Spelling Bee Winner prepares for life of ridicule

NATIONAL HARBOR, Md.- Snigdha Nandipati a 14-year-old of San Diego won the 85th Scripps National Spelling Bee on Thursday night when she correctly spelled the word "guetapens," which means a trap or ambush. Although Nandipati took home a $35,000...

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Funny story: Researchers Find Shorter Titles And Sentences In Articles Are More Likely To Be Read Than If One Tries To Put Too Much Before Readers All At Once, 9 Times Out Of 10

Researchers Find Shorter Titles And Sentences In Articles Are More Likely To Be Read Than If One Tries To Put Too Much Before Readers All At Once, 9 Times Out Of 10

Cambridge, U.K. - Researchers at Cambridge University have found that, when constructing titles for online publications, doesn't matter what type or genre they are, just online ones, nothing specific, are more likely to be read by the vast majority of people, i.e. the audience, readers, those lumps of organic material staring blindly into cyberspace , hoping to be awaken by some thunderbolt of int...

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Funny story: English Language To Receive Overhaul

English Language To Receive Overhaul

The English language is to receive a massive overhaul in 2013, say experts from the Guild Of Dictionary Writers. Spokesmen say that the language has become cluttered and over-complicated in recent years, with many new words being added and spellin...

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Funny story: 'Clunge' - Not Really The Rudest Word Ever

'Clunge' - Not Really The Rudest Word Ever

Lexicologists today gathered at the Great Hall Of Lexicology near London's Golden Square, to debate the veracity of the word 'clunge' amid recent claims that 'clunge' is the most obscene description of female genitalia ever coined in the English lang...

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Funny story: Cockneys tell more porkies than Scousers and Taffies

Cockneys tell more porkies than Scousers and Taffies

Cockneys tell more lies than Scousers or Taffies, according to a local survey. The Londoners score an average of seven porkies a day, with Scousers achieving five and the hapless Taffies managing only four little fibs. Both the Cockneys polled...

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Funny story: The meaning of words

The meaning of words

Sometimes I wonder what words mean, or where they came from. Like 'cling film'. It is called 'cling' film because it is clingy and a film, or was it invented by a man called Cling? Or a man called Film? Perhaps both. Perhaps Cling and Film got together and thought "Now there's a good idea" and created cling film. Then there's the straw boater. It's a kind of hat. Very rarely made out of actu...

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Funny story: Oxford Dictionary Boffins Told To Go Back To school

Oxford Dictionary Boffins Told To Go Back To school

Boffins in charge of the English language have been told to go back to school in a row over their choice of Word of the Year for 2011. 'Squeezed middle' was chosen ahead of "Arab spring' and 'phone hacking' for the accolade by Oxford Dictionaries.

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Funny story: Five year study into understanding frogs concludes

Five year study into understanding frogs concludes

Professor Huey Verse has spent the past five years studying the various calls of the Amazonian amphibians in their native habitat in order to discover if these simple creatures have a form of language. "I have been living in a tent being bitten by...

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Funny story: Incontinent on the continent

Incontinent on the continent

Travelling abroad can be a nightmare, especially when the land contains lots of people who pretend not to understand the English for "Where is the toilet" and you're bursting. For this reason, we provide this handy guide for locating lavatories anywhere in continental Europe. English: Excuse me good sir, where are the lavatories? Italian: Mi scusi spirito di cazzo, dove i gabinetti? Fren...

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Funny story: Languid language languishes

Languid language languishes

Language is in a constant state of flux What was common 500 years ago will now get you some funny looks This has been the subject of a great many books Discussing how they made a verb out of a word like ducks But for these tomes, they'll charge you fifty bucks And this piece is free, but not as comprehensive We can use words to shine light into tiny nooks And scare away some metaphorical...

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Funny story: French to be dropped as a UN language

French to be dropped as a UN language

Currently, the UN comprises of nearly two hundred countries, sharing some six thousand languages. In order to save the sanity of the member states, currently there are six working languages: Chinese, Spanish, English, Arabic, Russian and French. P...

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Funny story: Manganese Voted Britain's Favourite Word

Manganese Voted Britain's Favourite Word

The word manganese has been voted the U.K's favourite word, by readers of Word Monthly magazine, Britain's premier source for all word related information. The word, acclaimed for it's ease of slipping off the tongue, and almost happy pronunciat...

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