Under the Freedom of information act, top-secret papers have been uncovered at the National Archives Office in London revealing that the 'perfect spy' should be plain-looking, 5'7" or 5'8" tall and have exceptional hearing. He (they were sexist in t...
There were reports yesterday that administration stricken Portsmouth have enlisted the help of the skull faced Baron Samedi, a villain in the James Bond movie 'Live and let die', in their attempt to fight off relegation. A source close to the club...
Pussy Galore, the former aide to criminal mastermind Auric Goldfinger, has revealed that she is no longer Boobies Galore also. The former buxom pilot admitted to having breast reduction surgery in her old age. After Galore switched sides to help...
Every day there are more and more advertisements on television for companies wanting to buy your gold at the same time the price of gold is increasing at an alarming rate. It is believed that most gold purchased through these companies goes back t...
While still in the planning phase for the next 007 film, and having secured Daniel Craig again for the lead role, the James Bond franchise holders have decided to pull their directorial offer to Sam Mendes of 'American Beauty' and 'Road to Perdition'...
James Bond walked into his office in Central London this morning with a sense of futility, for he could hardly stand another day of doing paperwork. 'Morning, James', his secretary Miss Moneylaundry said to him, but he merely grunted a reply and went through to his desk. 'There's a memo for you from M', she called through to him, and his eyes lit up as he realised another mission was about to b...
Bargis Tryhol, aka Agent 004, aka The Man With the World's Largest Penis was a cautious man. How else would he have been able to stay in the game for so long if he weren't? But as he got out of his Alfa Romero and surveyed the scene something nagged at his unconcious. The street was clogged with traffic; expensive forigen cars creeped along as their respective drivers kept an eye out for par...
From the Files of Bargis Tryhol, Agent OO4 Chapter Three Bargis Takes Flight (and Fancy) Click here to see Chapter One Click here to see Chapter Two Before leaving headquarters, Bargis had stopped by Q's equipment check-out department and picked up his assigned gear. He made small talk and chit chat with the man at the desk, but became really interested when Q's new assistant brought...
HOLLYWOOD - French actor Gilles Marini, who was the runnerup in this year's edition of Dancing With The Stars has just signed to star opposite Angelina Jolie in the James Bond motion picture 008. Marini said that he is looking forward to working w...
MI6 superspy James Bond has had his licence to kill revoked by Westminster magistrates. The 85 year old Bond, currently residing in a nursing home in Woking was reportedly not up to the job any more. Bond, who killed people with alarming frequency...
In a bizarre twist of both plot and casting, it has been announced that the musical family the Osmonds are to play the villains in the next James Bond film. In the film due out late 2010, the story will see Bond (to once again be played by Daniel...
Following complaints of misogyny, racism and the perceived glorification of violence, the James Bond production team have been forced to rebrand their hero. Says a spokesperson for "Dikes on bikes", (a sexual health and fitness club) "He's white,...
Former American President George W Bush was today chosen to become the new James Bond. But as times have changed since Sean Connery portayed the special agent in the 1960s, Mr. Bush will be a rather different Bond from Connery, Moore, Brosnan, et al.
Daniel Craig, the new James Bond actor who is loved and worshiped by all movie fans under the age of 16, was recently voted the worst James Bond by the vast majority of people in the English speaking world over the age of 25 (to include those under t...
London - Those planning on seeing the new Bond movie Quantum of Solace need not bother. Quantum of Solace is Bollocks front to start. Not like the old Bond classics that kept you on the edge of your seat gripping popcorn, my word. Craig's a bit short and too blond for my liking as well. No Connery or Moore in my books he is. Action it has, loads and heaps of mayhem from the start, good fodd...
The Libertines once sang, "wouldn't it be nice to be Dorian Gray! Just for a day!" The model of hedonism and revelry. To live life eternally young and beautiful! But why would Pete Doherty want to be somebody who is eventually killed in the end? I rather much fancy being our favourite unpredictable triple numbered spy! 1. You'll not just be agent seven, but agent double O seven 2. You get to...
London, England - The world premiere of the new James Bond film in London's Leicester Square was marred by revelations that human remains have been discovered on the film's set. Quantum of Solace stars Daniel Craig and Judi Dench were strutting th...
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