In the national accident statistics, the humble screwdriver has come out tops of the most dangerous household tools wielded by inept morons. "You would have thought chainsaw, or power drill," said NAS Co-ordinator Nathan Tonal. "However, accidents...
A debilitating strike swept the public sector yesterday causing mild annoyance and under the breath insults. The hospitals, the schools and some other self important institutions would descend into anarchy and fall to ruin. Without staff to man the gun emplacements at Hull Royal Infirmary it was feared roving gangs of feral looters would raid the pharmacy. Back and to the Left news interviewed...
Greetings! Your trusted pal Maltram here with more stories of captivation from our Island of Vlinsky. Today, story of painful misfortunes for your beguilement. Enjoy my faithful friends. Just about one year ago Georgy Pestramovic (44), Vlinsky, fell down a flight of stairs, breaking his arm and two front teeth which had only recently grown back. To add to this he also badly burned his hand o...
Doctorates A One-Act Play The curtain opens on a group of young students gathering around a rather old man downstage left. They are dressed as though they were from Ancient Greece. The surroundings are rather pastoral. Pupil 1: Tell us another story, Master. Pupils: Oh yes....please.....Yes, yes. A lesson.... Master: Well now....let me see...Ah! Yes! Pupil 2:...
MONTE CARLO, Monaco--Tom Jones was rushed to Princess Grace Hospital suffering from the effects of dehydration. Within hours, rumors that Jones had passed away were burning down the house. "Although it's not unusual," stated a spokesman for Mr. Jo...
Polite doctors produce healthier patients, studies of staff behaviour in hospitals have found. Andrew Klein, an American liver surgeon, writing in the Archives of Surgery, said doctors who were rude to staff negatively affected operations. "Wel...
Michael is visiting his best mate Steve at the hospital. He looks awkward. In his hand he clutches a brown paper bag. He approaches his friend smiling a little nervously. Steve is propped up in bed. Michael sits in a chair beside his friend's bedside cabinet. "All right mate?" "Hello Michael." "Steve...er...how are you?" "I've just had surgery on me back..." "Oh, yeah. Is it sore?"...
(Portland, Ohio) - After failing last year, Stephen Young was not willing to be rejected by his mother again this year on Mother's day. Stephen, 32, spent the last 364 days contemplating on what he did wrong and on what he needs to do this year i...
Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon are the proud parents of twins (one boy and one girl). The family is doing well and should be going home shortly from an undisclosed L.A. Hospital. Cannon announced to the press that his wife and children were fine, that...
Barack Obama was rushed by ambulance to Walter Reed Medical Center this morning with what has been described as "a serious inflection of the throat." Medical doctors from Johns Hopkins and the Mayo Clinic have all been called in for a consultation t...
A report commissioned by the Centre For Physical Health has revealed that thousands of patients suffering from constipation are spending too long in hospital. The report advises that the blockage is due to a lack of basic support for sufferers aft...
With recent news of a womans distress after finding a pair of surgical scissors left inside her, after a tummy tuck operation, we thought it our duty to delve deeper in to this subject and find out if this was just a mishap or an increasingly common...
LONDON - As the ambulance arrives you attempt to deny the reality. You are in some form of agony. You don't know what it is. The medics claim you'll be just fine. There are your close friends and relatives. Smiling hopefully. Comfort. The agony burns. Stings, even. In your head, you hear Space Odessey play in your head. This willbb be be an achievement for you. As the ambulance...
In a move to save money, the NHS has decided to recycle used body parts and close down all prosthetics departments nationwide. Surgeon General, Sir Cecil stump, outlined the process in a statement to the House of Commons this morning. "We have...
A well ignored Spoofer unexpectedly broke his finger today in a freak accident, involving beer and music. The reporter was covering a story involving a local band, when his finger became entangled in a drum kit, left unattended in a rehearsal room...
It was a dark and stormy night. The ER was packed with the usual assortment of back pains, headaches, and cramps. Then he arrived. The "he" was an elderly gentleman being whisked in by wheelchair, head back holding his nose, as drops of blood speckled the floor behind him. Once he was propped up on the stretcher, a cursory examination revealed an arterial pumper emanating from Kiesselbach's...
The BBC reports that a vomiting bug has accessed three wards at the hospital. The Spoof has visited the hospital and found out that the bug is actually a Stag Beetle with a bad case of gastric flu. Having puked up on both staff and patients the...
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