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Funny satire stories about Homeland Security

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Funny story: Lines Between the States to be Redrawn

Lines Between the States to be Redrawn

Washington, DC-Soon travelers will have to be on their toes when traveling the highways and byways of the United States. A press release just received from the Department of Homeland Security announces a massive project about to be launched to repain...

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Funny story: Homeland Security To Terrorists: Bomb Trucks And Trains, Not Planes.

Homeland Security To Terrorists: Bomb Trucks And Trains, Not Planes.

Homeland Security chief Michael Chertoff issued a statement advising Terrorists to shy away from any airline based attacks and concentrate instead on more vulnerable transportation infrastructure such as railroads, busses and over the road tractor tr...

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Funny story: Terrorists Strike National Park

Terrorists Strike National Park

MOUNT ST. HELENS NATIONAL MONUMENT, Wash. (AP)--A string of suicide bombers rocked Mount St. Helens National Park on Monday in what federal homeland security officials are describing as "the most brazen attack on US soil since September 11."...

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Funny story: U2 'Vertigo' tour canceled by Department of Homeland Security

U2 'Vertigo' tour canceled by Department of Homeland Security

Washington-Secretary of the Department of Homeland Security Michael Chertoff announced today the cancelation of the 'Vertigo' Tour by the band U2. "Credible evidence, from classified sources, leads us to believe that these four foreign...

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Funny story: White House, Homeland Security Issue New Terror Alert Warning

White House, Homeland Security Issue New Terror Alert Warning

The White House and The Department of Homeland Security has issued a New Terror Warning based on instances of "increased chatter". This is the sixtieth warning that has been issued since Homeland Security has been created and by far the most comprehe...

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Funny story: Cleverly Disguised Sleeper Cell Revealed

Cleverly Disguised Sleeper Cell Revealed

UPI, Salt Lake City, Utah. The U. S. Department of Homeland Security has announced the infiltration and break up of a strategic, and violent, al Queda sleeper cell in the western United States. The cell, located in Salt Lake City, Utah has be...

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Funny story: President Bush Amends Homeland Advisory Color Chart

President Bush Amends Homeland Advisory Color Chart

Washington - President Bush today announced a drastic change in how the current Homeland Security Color Chart would be interpreted. The change, instituted jointly with Sec. Tom Ridge, would allow for a "hindsight provision" to be added in the...

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Funny story: Tom Ridge Explains Threat Levels

Tom Ridge Explains Threat Levels

Tom Ridge head of Homeland Security confirmed that he was sick of explaining what each layer of the Threat Level means, and is setting it out once and for all.

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Funny story: Martha Stewart: Change National Terror Alert Colors

Martha Stewart: Change National Terror Alert Colors

NEW YORK (June 25) --- Domestication dominatrix Martha Stewart today called upon Homeland Security Secretary Tom Ridge to "get rid of those harsh, scary colors in the national terror alert system" and use instead softer, muted pastel shades that will...

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Funny story: TSA Announces Corporate Sponsor Program to Boost '05 Budget

TSA Announces Corporate Sponsor Program to Boost '05 Budget

Washington correspondents learned this week that the Transportation Security Administration has obtained clearance from its parent agency, the Department of Homeland Security, to sign "sponsor" contracts with private corporations. The contr...

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Funny story: Bush declares self President for life, calls off 2004 election

Bush declares self President for life, calls off 2004 election

Speaking from his ranch at the beginning of a 3-month ‘sabbatical', President Bush announced today that the 2004 elections would not be held. Citing the need for greater Homeland Security in these troubled times, Bush stated that his removal from of...

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Funny story: Terror alert system gets new "lavender" color: Chertoff's family worried

Terror alert system gets new "lavender" color: Chertoff's family worried

Secretary of Homeland Security Michael Chertoff announced yesterday that the five colors on the terror alert scale just aren't enough, and plans to add a sixth color - lavender - to the list. The new color is to be put between white, or "nor...

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Funny story: Super Bowl Canceled Amid Fears of Terrorist Attack

Super Bowl Canceled Amid Fears of Terrorist Attack

Houston, TX: Citing advice from the CIA and the Homeland Security Task Force based on evidence obtained from Saddam's recent capture, the NFL owners have voted unanimously to cancel the Super Bowl. "We were convinced that an attack on...

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