BERLIN - According to secret, well-placed sources, tanks are being taken out of secret hiding places and 'Greeced up'; battle charts with maps of Greece, Spain, England and Iceland are being distributed to bankers as they prepare to 'occupy' those co...
Fort Knox - The army reports a dead leprechaun was found in the vault at Fort Knox among the gold bars, according to Colonel Jimbob. The cause of death could not be determined, as leprechauns have never been captured, dead or alive before; their bi...
Thursday started off pretty damn shitty for New York City's Danny Suds. When he got to work at his job as a stock broker at U.B. Sucker he was told he was being fired for not once screwing any customer over in the five years he had been with the fir...
According to Porter economic theory companies can compete in two ways - price leadership or product differentiation. Unlike Primark where you can buy a suit for £29, fund managers are traditionally coy about disclosing all their charges, lest the cus...
Bank of America, in partnership with Astrology.web, recently announced its latest initiative: the Automatic Fortune Teller Machine, which combines modern-day financial technology with age-old astrological principles. Millions of AFTMs will become ava...
To the shock and horror of its millions of customers worldwide, Bank of America filed for Chapter 7 bankruptcy after President and CEO Brian Moynihan signed a blank check for an innocent-looking eight-year-old girl named Katrina Darling. A mortifi...
The trouble began when a customer found not only cash but also a snake waiting for him at the ATM machine in Spain. Eek! All's well that ends well, though. Local authorities were called and released the snake from the machine's cash-dispensing...
After thousands of plaintiffs in the class action lawsuit against Bank of America reported that they had not received any portion of the $410 million in settlement amounts owed them by BoA, BoA president and CEO Brian Moynihan abashedly explained tha...
Controversial 'Payday Loans' - short term loans offering cash at exhorbitant interest rates, which borrowers are supposed to pay back on the day their wages are paid - came under scrutiny today as a Dorking woman revealed that after borrowing £20, sh...
A major high street bank is today at the centre of a storm of controversy over claims its latest advert is not complete shit and fucking annoying. The advert, launched this week, features none of the trademarks that the British public have come to...
A 93 year old East London man was taken to hospital yesterday afternoon after he was pulled into a bank's ATM machine along with his bankers card when trying to use it to withdraw money from a hole-in-the-wall cash dispenser machine outside a bank in...
Washington, DC -- Say goodbye to the almighty dollar. In a unanimous decision, the Federal Reserve's Board of Governors has voted to abolish the use of money in the United States, effective immediately. "The world's economic system is broken beyon...
The Government is setting up a hotline for comments by the travelling public on the award of bonuses to Network Rail senior staff. This follows the Government finding that they cannot do anything about the bonuses being paid. Justine Greening, Tr...
In a week when debate on bankers bonuses dominated the front page headlines the tills were overflowing and champagne flowing last night in city wine bars as bankers celebrated the approval of John Terry's latest remortgage. The £170,000 a week Che...
Geoffrey Skint, famous Chief Executioner of the Royal Bank of Slush, has been awarded an unusual bonus. He will receive a bill from the relatives of all those people he has executed over the last year. This will go some way to alleviate the suffering...
Husband: Them Bankers. What a cheek. We help them out when things are bad and what do we get? A kick in the teeth. It shouldn't be allowed. Wife: You can't blame them. You would be exactly the same if someone offered you a million. H. No I wouldn't. W. You bloody well would! H. It wouldn't be moral. W. Since when has morality got you anywhere. H. No. I've got my self-respect. It...
Detroit - As home foreclosures escalate the need to bulldoze vacant property is expected to soar. That is why orders for bulldozers have hit a 100 year high, according to bulldozer salesman Ravegay Iggerday, of Detroit. We have Mr. Iggerday on the...
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