Wall St. - Stocks rose on the announcement out of the G20 assembly that all stocks would be purchased by the G20 central banks. Recent stock market volatility has the elite concerned that they may loose capital in a market crash, according to ou...
PARKER, Colorado - Joe the Soda Jerk, of Woolpuke's Drugs, had explained to a large crowd of reporters Saturday, 31 January 2009 , exactly what was going on in the banking world under the opaque TARP - where the money was really going. "Let's say your a banker. You make money by sticking a straw up people and sucking out what ever is inside, aspartame, blood, whatever they got. "Well, one da...
CHANTILLY VA - According to our mole at the Build-a-bugger conference, Angela Merkel has agreed to extend the borders of Germany over the entire Euro-zone. "We have some old maps in our files that we can place on the table. We would hate to waste...
The Mitt Romney Presidential Campaign decided to create a travel agency called, No Apologies, (a new Bain Capital investment) giving vacationers the rare opportunity to visit the seven offshore banks throughout the world holding the Romney family inv...
Many people, including politicians Barack Obama and Mitt Romney, author/activists Charles Ferguson and Noam Chomsky, and economists Larry Summers and Raghuram Rajan, have weighed in on (or denied) the fraud, political manipulations and criminal wrong...
ATHENS - Filming is almost completed for the reality T.V. show, Sovereign Repo. While some footage has leaked out, those responsible are being rounded up this weekend, according to spokesman Themistocles N. Theosophisto, producer of the new series.
NEW YORK - JP Morgan issued a press release at a press conference today stating that they had to stop buying anything. This has nothing to do with the fact that they lost billions of dollars, the exact amount unknown. CEO, JD, stated that the re...
DESPICABLE, ME (Acme Quicknews) -- Filesystem Squash FS Bank was closed last May 18, 2012 after a lack of funds to sustain the bank. The bank manager has posted a notice that after undergoing monthly or bi-monthly bank robberies and being unable t...
MUNICH - Ben Bernanke announced at a press conference here today that he was sorry. No more money could be funneled through the central banks of Europe to keep the stock markets afloat. He blamed it on democracy, as exemplified in Greece. "Now...
ATHENS - The birthplace of democracy has spawned an even more useful invention: a replacement for the Euro. New smart phones will empower Greeks to issue credit on their smart phones from nothing, just like the big German banks do it. Now, accor...
BERLIN - According to secret, well-placed sources, tanks are being taken out of secret hiding places and 'Greeced up'; battle charts with maps of Greece, Spain, England and Iceland are being distributed to bankers as they prepare to 'occupy' those co...
Fort Knox - The army reports a dead leprechaun was found in the vault at Fort Knox among the gold bars, according to Colonel Jimbob. The cause of death could not be determined, as leprechauns have never been captured, dead or alive before; their bi...
Thursday started off pretty damn shitty for New York City's Danny Suds. When he got to work at his job as a stock broker at U.B. Sucker he was told he was being fired for not once screwing any customer over in the five years he had been with the fir...
According to Porter economic theory companies can compete in two ways - price leadership or product differentiation. Unlike Primark where you can buy a suit for £29, fund managers are traditionally coy about disclosing all their charges, lest the cus...
Bank of America, in partnership with Astrology.web, recently announced its latest initiative: the Automatic Fortune Teller Machine, which combines modern-day financial technology with age-old astrological principles. Millions of AFTMs will become ava...
To the shock and horror of its millions of customers worldwide, Bank of America filed for Chapter 7 bankruptcy after President and CEO Brian Moynihan signed a blank check for an innocent-looking eight-year-old girl named Katrina Darling. A mortifi...
The trouble began when a customer found not only cash but also a snake waiting for him at the ATM machine in Spain. Eek! All's well that ends well, though. Local authorities were called and released the snake from the machine's cash-dispensing...
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