ATLANTA - The Transportation Security Administration has announced that they are not happy about the fact that M.C. Hammer's 1989 hit song "U Can't Touch This" has become the anti-TSA pat down anthem. TSA spokesperson Clovis Baxter Shamnoodle stat...
DENVER - Mel Gibson's ex-future wife Oksana Grigorieva says that she has been severely traumatized due to the pat down which she received at Denver's John And Bob Denver International Airport. She remarked that the entire sordid incident has remin...
The Government Transport liaison advisory committee (GTLAC) announced today that the UK's major Airports are to be renamed. A spokesman said: The tradition of naming Airports after Prime Ministers has lapsed in recent years and this will now be...
Considering the amount of time Manchester City scouts search for new foreign players; as well as how often the pampered players need to run home for brownies and tea after another loss; as well as how often Sheikh Mansour comes to see a match, it com...
CORSICA - Airport police at Corsica's Zorba The Greek International Airport reported finding seven pounds of Viagra pills that American socialite and do nothing rich girl Paris Hilton had stuffed inside her bikini taco (vagina). The airport's two...
A Vagina was chased by police at Heathrow Airport this afternoon after an airport security guard spotted a gun sticking out of it's clitoris. The alarm was raised, but the vagina ran into a Knickerbox shop taking staff hostage. Armed police surrou...
Little Rock, AR - You know the saying "I'd lose my head if it wasn't attached." Well, that is precisely what happened last week, only it was more than one head that showed up in the Little Rock Airport lost and found department. Between 40 to 60 head...
The 06:30 New York to London flight finally landed at Heathrow Airport this evening after a delay of three days. Passengers cheered as they walked off the plane, some of them kissing the tarmac. A number of passengers had to be carried off and wer...
A fire burst into flames this morning at a site near to Heathrow airport. This latest incident comes amidst BA's crisis talks with the Unite union and staff's continued walkouts. Willie Walsh is said to be fuming over yet another setback for the...
There were celebrations at Dubai International Airport this morning when it was revealed that the airport had been congratulated on the cleanliness of its toilet facilites - in the face of the most unbelievable filth imaginable to man. Moys Kenwoo...
Phoenix, AZ - President Barack Obama was detained for a brief period yesterday at the Phoenix, AZ Airport by TSA officials while police determined whether or not to arrest him for not having proper identification with him at the time he touched down...
LONDON - Sir Basil Nigel Cheesejoy, deputy director of all Heathrow flights, has stated that all flights originating from "Big H" are cancelled due to, as he so eloquently put it, "All of the damn, friggin, bloomin' ass blitherin', bloody blimey volc...
Airports across the country are reporting higher than average number of people arriving at their airports, not despite the ash cloud hanging over Europe, but because of it. With every flight in and out of UK airspace grounded due to the ash cloud...
The Metropolitan Police have warned perverts to stay away from airport picket lines as the industrial dispute there rumbles on. Perverts from all over the country have been heading to the airport to mingle with striking cabin crew and rub surrepti...
The Mayor of London, Boris Johnson, announced today his ambitious twenty year plan to build an airport in the shape of an Elephant on the moon. The plan, to construct eight runways and over a hundred hotels will help cut emissions from the large...
OAKLAND - Passenger X-103 aka Kevin Smith is angry, upset, fit to be tied, and so pissed off that he could eat a horse literally. Smith who works as a food taster for The Fallopian Food Company of Sausalito, California said that he purchased his t...
The FBI have announced that they have apprehended a man they are referring to as "The Penis Bomber" at the Kennedy Airport in New York City. Initial reports say that the man had himself Bobbitized and used an artificial penis large enough to blow...
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