DENVER, Colorado Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney announced he would outsource his spot at the podium in the first presidential debate. In a cost-cutting move, Romney will be represented by Mahatma Martin of the Mumbai, Indiana...
WASHINGTON -- Vice presidential candidate Paul Ryan asserted on multiple occasions Tuesday morning that numbers do add up. "Obviously," Ryan said, "numbers add up, we have shown that." However, Romney's campaign seems to be confused about how th...
DENVER - The first Presidential Debate between President Obama and non-president Mitt Romney will be held in The Mile High City. The debate will be moderated by Jim Lehrer, a man who should have changed his last name a long, long time ago. Lehr...
The most fair and balanced person on Fox News has delivered an astonishing verbal volley towards the mainstream media and liberal pollsters. In his latest rant on his daily conservative propaganda juggernaut, Sean "Fairness Personified" Hannity, r...
In a recent and unexpected turn of events the Romney Campaign hires Charlie Sheen who is renowned for his WINNING philosophy as well as resurrecting seemingly dead careers as well as making several comebacks. Both Mr. Sheen and Gov. Romney desp...
Republican Presidential candidate Mitt Romney has started to take Anti-Fall measures as the Presidential campaign enters its final few weeks. In the past falling over in public has cost GOP candidates dearly in the polls. Most notably was the cam...
ORLANDO FL (ABSNN) - Only days before the first scheduled Presidential debate, Mitt Romney stunned the nation this morning when he admitted that he was "a paid employee of the Democratic National Committee." "It is true; I am a shill for the Obama...
Mitt Romney is standing by his statement on 60 Minutes about healthcare for the poor. Questioned later by myself and other reporters, he clarified his meaning. "No other country comes close to caring for the miscreants of society as well as the US does. We are now, and always have been, the best at everything; not to mention running the Olympics (snark, snark)." The snark was heard clearing...
Mitt Romney, the Republican candidate for president in the 2012 Presidential Election spoke with a frenzied crowd at a pep rally early Friday morning. While speaking with his supporters, Romney attempted to pump up the crowd by explaining 2nd plac...
Romney took his conservative economic policies to a new extreme today. At a campaign rally in Phoenix, AZ he promised an enthusiastic group of supporters that if elected, he would do everything in his power to end all taxes. The promise struck ev...
SHERMAN OAKS - Charlie Sheen was relaxing by the pool at his Mulholland Estate Mansion Casa Jose Cuervo. He was listening to a Led Zeppelin CD, while drinking Tequila Sunrises, and talking about the Emmy Awards and how his ex-cast member on Two an...
Sometime during the first Tuesday in November, Americans will be taking to the streets and demanding an Apple I-Phone 6, which is way better than voting for the next US President. The sad reality for the American people is that either way, someone w...
Mitt Romney has made a last ditch effort to get his campaign for president back on track by promising that, should he be elected to office, he will conclude the Gulf War with a final, epic instalment. The first Gulf War, Operation Desert Storm, wa...
Washington, DC - A typographical error discovered on Mitt Romney's birth certificate yesterday has reshaped the Republican nominee's presidential campaign. Due to the omission of a single, small "m," the document defines Romney as "a Moron" instea...
As there appear to ber elections in the wind all over the world, in particualr the good 'ol USA, I thought I'd pass on some useful information on election jargon. Frank de Nighle III, a little known but well respected commentator on electioneering, has provided the following advice on election jargon. Frank advises that you should look out from some key words and phrases when other politicians...
NEW YORK CITY (ABSNN) - Paris Hilton, the woman decried from every conservative, evangelical pulpit in the US, is now those very same Christian's newly minted, heterosexual pin up girl. Not only that, but some Republicans, speaking on Fox News, bega...
WASHINGTON, D.C. - President Obama has decided to sit out the upcoming presidential debates in lieu of an even bigger crowd-pleaser. Mitt will suit up the mitts to spar against--HIMSELF. Video spots will be aired showing the Republican candidate s...
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