Following are sure signs that you might have fallen in love with Betty White, so check close:
1. At work after the boiler explodes and you wake up outside the building on a tree limb, the first thing you say is, "Forget about me, go check on Betty White."
2. You watch all the reruns of the Golden Girls and The Mary Tyler Moore Show to see if Betty White was on that episode.
3. On one r...
Getting older is a bummer we used to say back in the 1960's but here we are and we don't like it one bit. Among things we hate:
1. Your Viagra gives you a lot of gas!
2. You sit on a hard chair and break your hip in three places.
3. You start to fantasize about Aunt Bea on The Andy Griffith Show.
4. You blow out your false teeth when you blow out your birthday cake candles.
HOLLYWOOD - The Disney animated musical Frozen is giving Hunger Games a run for its money.
Frozen took in an amazing $90 million in just the first five days it was out.
It has already become the #1 movie in Pocatello, Idaho; Apalachicola, Florida; Kalamazoo, Michigan; Lafayette, Louisiana; and Sheboyan, Wisconsin.
Reports coming out of Europe are that Barcelona, Spain has had over $200,00...
All the following jobs are available and some pay well, if you are really desperate for work:
1. Stool Examiner for Pin Worms
2. Towel Distributor at Geriatric Sauna.
3. Referees needed for wild boar fights
4. Ear wax collector for the Rich and Nutty
5. Gas Station bathroom cleaner at a chain of Stop & Plops. (Mask furnished)
6. Traveling Foot Stool for Michael Moore.
Please don't go to a cut-rate plastic surgeon. Here are ten indications that he's messed up again:
1. After lying in the sun at the beach, your forehead looks like a Klingon!
2. You're a TV Weatherman and during a big wind you didn't predict, you're desperately trying to 'save face'.
3. "It's Pruneface! I remember you from the old Dick Tracy comics!"
4. When hit by a bully, not o...
Some things happen every summer so get ready for the Summer of 2014 while you shiver this winter.
1. At least a dozen men will lose a nut while using a weed whacker.
2. 1000 more in the South will get ptomaine poisoning from leaving Possum Salad out in the sun too long.
3. Over 200 Wall Busters on a skate board.
4. At least 300 hundred will catch a thrown fishing hook through the...
The following are the worst movies Walt Disney has ever made according to a recent poll. In fact, some have never made it to the screen and have only been viewed behind doors in the French section of Disney World:
1. Mickey Mouse & The Sticky Poisoned Paper
2. Betty White & The Seven Dwarfs
3. The Lyin' King
4. Baby Being Half Mouse, Half Dog Gets Pluto Sent To The Dogh...
1. Portal Potties everywhere you look.
2. Captain's hat made out of tinfoil.
3. Shuffleboard uses a leftover upper plate.
4. Cooks all fishing from the deck.
5. Instead of Lifeboats, there's old blown up inner tubes that look like they came off of a Studebaker.
6. A dozen people sick and hanging over the rail and you haven't left port yet.
7. The old guy that keeps...
Zydeco Dupree is a stand up comedian and free-lance reporter with The iRumors News Agency.
His sister Voodoo Dupree is a senior writer for Glamboyant Magazine who has interviewed such well known celebrities as Britney Spears, Michelle Obama, Simon Cowell, Ke$ha, and Honey Boo Boo.
Zydeco, who was born and raised in Louisiana, is a fan of all kinds of trivia and has just published his third b...
The following is a list of what has been voted as the worst stores in the Mall and will probably close right after the Holidays:
1. Burke & Hare's Used Jewelry & Gold Tooth Store
2. Old Navy Beans
3. Things Remembered But Best Forgotten
4. Ferrets R Us
5. Victoria's Succretes
6. Shoes That Stretch
7. Just The Thong
8. Ye Olde Lice Cream Shop...
The Washington Post recently cited a poll claiming that 55% of Americans believe that President Obama lied when he promised that people could keep their health plans.
While this sounds ominous for the President, it is not, if one understands what Americans mean when they say they believe in something.
A few examples, all true and taken from scientifically valid polls:
Following is the top ten Christmas stories that you must never read to your kids. We don't know why they haven't been recalled.
1. Rudolf The Red-Headed Stepchild
2. Jolly Old Salmonella (Hole,Hole,Hole!)
3, The Gift of the Magpies
4. Hard Egg Nog & Babe Ruths Floating in the Punch Bowl
5. The Nutcracker & The Kick Boxer
6. The Christmas Grandpa Was Taken Away Peein...
1. Whoa! Somebody was left lying on their back for a year after their birth! Or did somebody hit you in the back of the head with an anvil?
2. Jong? Like in "Long Jong Silver"?
3. He what? Likes to kiss you on all four cheeks.
4. So I have to humor him about the road runner & Wile E.?
5. Of course cartoons are real. (So is keeping my head).
6. Bring him a pie and glace at...
1. Wii Fit "Twerk Showdown" game
2. Rob Ford's Rock 'Em Stalk 'Em Fembots
3. LEGO leftovers - discount lego sets!
4. Playstation Classic - Rollin' like it's '99
5. Rollin' Doobs Mountain Navigator Big Wheel
6. "Twerkin' for a Livin'" Barbie
7. "Out of the closet and at the Altar" Ken and Ben Dolls
8. "Out of the closet and at the Altar" Barbie and Betty Dolls
1. Married guy in Brazil when he could have chosen from 200,000 in New York City.
2 From Kentucky. 50/50 chance to go nuts if you're from Kentucky. (See Miley Cyrus & Dad))
3. Ned Beatty, also from Kentucky, taught him to squeal like a pig.
4. Showed part of the Gulf of Mexico on his chest during Day's Weather Report.
5. Liberace Tattoo
6. "Balls out guest Whoopi Goldberg for l...
Following is a list of movies that tried hard to follow in the footsteps of the ones that made it. However, they were complete flops! Sorry if you paid good money to see any of them.
1. Vacation 5: The Griswolds Visit Charles Manson
3. Ace Ventura: Golf With Ken Verturi
4. The Nutty Actuary
5. The 40-Year Old Vegan
6. What's Up There, Doc?
7. Austin Power Com...
Follywood - As usual, it's never too early to get started in on this sort of soon to be year end still soaking in it (Thanks, Madge!) this & that-a-thon gone so very wrong. Hence the right about now (and how) of where oh where some of us - well, at least one of us anyway - not paid to think so feel like going for the hi-ho-what goes to show-like had to be there hell, don't ask/do tell, fun of...
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