President Obama announced today that the nation's toxic assets will be stored at Yucca Mountain Repository, to remain undisturbed for tens of thousand of years. "It is hoped," Obama said, "That by that time somebody will have developed the ways and m...
The Government have voted unanimously to lower the age of drinking and smoking to 14 in a bid to aid the ailing economy. Gordon Brown is expected to announce the new measures on Wednesday. A spokesman said "It is a great idea - the more kids we...
Greg Hands, a shadow Treasury minister made a formal complaint against Tony McNulty, the government work, and pensions pig. The shadow treasury piggy claimed that: "£60,000 of taxpayers' swill has been scoffed in expenses at Mr McNulty's parents...
New York, New York After a brief commercial break, we find the cooperate homemaker and convicted felon, Martha Stewart, and the former waitress turned baby boomer financial wizard, Suze Orman, on location at Martha Stewart's ranch late at night, w...
Scientists have discovered that black holes, those mysterious, dark spots in the universe that suck everything around them into themselves, have been discovered closer to the earth than suspected. One particularly dangerous one called AIG has been...
LONDON, England - Brown called me to his office to release to me an exclusive story about the Pound. Brown felt that the Pound was in danger of being devalued by the emerging acmetal (ACME) world fiat currency, backed only by the IMF and the U.N., t...
Firm Britone, the 'bubbly' TV host and unthinking man's crumpet told ITV bosses that they were to blame for the plight of the independent television channel. Speaking to an audience who were expecting a political rather than media heavyweight, Br...
Washington, DC - Barack Obama made history yet again today, giving a speech on Last Call with Carson Daly where he explained how money from the board game Monopoly will become the new national standard. "Gone are the days when Americans on Baltic...
An Indiana mother of three who recently lost her job and doesn't know where her rent check will be coming from recently asked the President to stop talking about her. "It's pretty embarrassing" said the woman and added "I know the stimulus pac...
While government subsidization of biofuel is pushing up grain and meat prices, and massive layoffs are forcing cutbacks in spending on food, some consumers have found a way to get around high prices-by eating their fellow man. Long considered tabo...
Fears of protectionism as Europe and America use homegrown profanities in place of imported filthy words, phrases, gestures and comments. Before the economic downturn, the G8 nations operated a more or less, level playing field for trading insult...
On the stroke of midnight, three men will walk into a press conference and stun the world by announcing the end of money. Worldwide. Forever. "Much in the same way that after a large bank job they change the design of fivers, we've decided that a...
It's begun to rain money. Huge piles of notes have begun to form across the UK. No-one really knows what is going on, but it is believed that a special Bank of England plan, codenamed 'Project Christ' has swung into operation. Current thinking is...
A new rollercoaster has been unveiled at Thorpe Park in the UK which promises the world's steepest freefall drop. Called the Pension Value, it overtakes the previous record holder The Property Price. Vertical drop rollercoasters have become extre...
Sesame Street, PBS - The after affects of Ronald Reagan's Trickle Down Theory of Economics has final worked its way down like he said it would. The meltdown of Wall Street's financial district has coursed its way through the heart of every American,...
Saying he was "deeply sorry and ashamed, Snort! Ahem." Bernard Madoff pleaded guilty Thursday to pulling off perhaps the biggest swindle in Wall Street history and was immediately led off to jail in handcuffs to the applause of his seething victims i...
Britain's nationalised banks are to be 'facelifted' and to introduce new lending policies in a bid to revitalise Britain's torpid housing market, it was announced today. Northern Wreck, Lards Banking Group and Royal Plank of Scotland, which are no...
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