Rolling Stones guitarist Keith Richards was left red faced when he had a medical for a new life insurance policy. It appears that the legendary rocker had been dead for at least 15 years. Keith said "I had a strange feeling in my chest back in...
Pyongyang - (Reuterus & Ass Mess): North Korean party officials are poised to announce that their beloved leader Kim Jong-Very-Ill-Indeed has died from a congenital disease caught from his birth mother the Al Qaeda Puppet Monarch. Kim, 69, has...
The UK government announced via the medium of dance today that they are going to introduce a 'cold standard' of treatment in London for heart attack patients. 'We've given up really' said Health Minister Lord Arid Carzi. "In London alone, a 5% c...
Sacherine, California - "Sugar, Sugar" the classic 1969 number-one hit single by fictional characters The Archies, has been implicated in the death of 573 diabetics worldwide. The song has been pulled from air play by radio DJs and likewise pulled fr...
Using your phone for long periods of time may cause a rash to develop on your face and ears, doctors warn. Dermatologists believe the condition is on the rise, and warn that the rash may spread to other parts of the body especially in users who p...
What can only be described as a media feeding frenzy descended on the flat of Neasden crime boss Arthur Pewty just minutes ago as reports emerged of a possible health scare. The rumour mill went into overdrive with reports that Beryl Pewty had tel...
A new 'World's Tallest Building' has been built, this time in India. Rising to 740 metres, and surpassing the 162-storey Burj Dubai, it stands 170 storeys high, but its most notable feature is that it has been constructed entirely of Cow Dung. The...
Wall Street stopped all trading today when traces of melamine were found in several blue chip stocks. The NYSE began the day as usual with Mr Tu Bai, Chinese Chairman of White Rabbit Candy Company, ringing the opening bell. However, by 10:30 a.m. pan...
To get kids to stop smoking, the government has mandated cigarette companies put scary pictures on all packs. Here's what some of the new pictures will look like: * Frightening close-ups of Yul Brenner's autopsy photos graciously left by the old actor after dying of lung cancer. * Frightening close-ups of severed limbs and heads strewn about the road after automobile accidents. * And...
LONDON UK: Dyson has done it again, a first in it's field. The top boffin has invented the first bagless colostomy. Surgeons are celebrating the new invention as a wonder, however other Leading surgeons from around the world have their doubts abou...
Originally labeled as a "Hepatic Jaundice" outbreak by the center for disease control, white collar offices in several major cities across the U.S. had reported a sudden increase in workers developing yellow shaded skin. Normally linked to liver dis...
Wall Street Journal, September, 2008: Our favorite Uncle Sam suffered a Coronary heart attack this week. He was immediately rushed to the emergency room at Washington DC General Hospital. Dr. Bush the resident emergency room physician diagnosed th...
British health authorities are urging UK's MD's to stop their use of the ADHD pharmaceutical, Ritalin. British Doctors without Boundaries spokesperson, Kent Keep-Concentration protested the ruling on behalf of the whomevers he represents: "Wit...
Designer cosmetic surgery has come a long way since facelifts started it all way back in the fashion-conscious 1970s, but today's women have more on their minds than what their faces look like - they want their vaginas looking their best as well!...
President George W. Bush announced today that he has designated two billion dollars to fund health care for ladybugs. Surprisingly, more that 100 billion ladybugs are currently without healthcare. "This is a travesty for the bugs which provide es...
In breaking news today it was revealed that alcohol was the answer to all the worlds problems. Top UK scientist Professor Hugh Jarse said today, "I have been trying to find all sorts of answers to all sorts of problems when I just had enough."...
There was a media frenzy this morning, with journalists from all over the world clamouring for information, when it was announced that North Korean porn star, Kim Jong, was ill. Jong is a leading figure in Asian porn, and has starred in several mo...
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