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Funny satire stories about retirement

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Funny story: Santa Claus To Retire Dec. 24

Santa Claus To Retire Dec. 24

For nearly 800 years, Christopher Rudolph Kringle, better known as Santa Claus, has been traveling across the globe every Christmas Eve, giving presents to all the good children and raping all the bad ones. But this year, he's retiring. For the fi...

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Funny story: Prince of Wales Reaches New Mandatory Retirement Age Before He Could Be Offered the Crown!

Prince of Wales Reaches New Mandatory Retirement Age Before He Could Be Offered the Crown!

Prince Charles whose Granny and Mammy have been Queens for so long that no one even remembers his family name will reach the new mandatory retirement age of sixty before he could ever bear the weight of the crown. Charles will never be king though he...

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Funny story: Bush Invades Syria: You don't expect me to retire to Iraq or Afghanestonia, Do Ya?!

Bush Invades Syria: You don't expect me to retire to Iraq or Afghanestonia, Do Ya?!

In the midst of foreign affairs crises in Afghanistan, Iraq and Iran, with Israel's government in turmoil and the Palestinian situation tense, the Bush-Cheney war machine rolls again and right in the place they love to disaster- the cradle of civilsa...

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Funny story: Daniel Day-Lewis out of Retirement

Daniel Day-Lewis out of Retirement

Renowned method actor Daniel Day-Lewis has been preparing for his latest film role as a talented but reclusive English method actor by locking himself away in a luxurious French mansion, not talking to anyone and refusing to do interviews. Talente...

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Funny story: Retirement Parties Canceled Worldwide

Retirement Parties Canceled Worldwide

Lance Armstrong and Brett Favre aren't the only ones to unretire. Following their example, retirees all over the world are reversing their decisions and coming back to work at their old stomping grounds. "It's ridiculous," a young worker grumbl...

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Funny story: High Gas prices force Arsonist into Retirement

High Gas prices force Arsonist into Retirement

The recent spikes in gas prices have hurt everyone from small businesses to nine-to-fivers in terms of transportation. While gas prices haven't hurt convicted arsonist Tim Harris' mobility, he has been affected in other ways. "Sadly, I just can...

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Funny story: Dick Cheney To Sell Skin Care Products After Retirement

Dick Cheney To Sell Skin Care Products After Retirement

Washington DC-- Dick Cheney called a press conference today to announce his plans after January '09. The youthful looking Vice President announced he will be selling skin care products after his term expires. It's not well known the Veep has...

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Funny story: Brett Favre Officially Out of Retirement

Brett Favre Officially Out of Retirement

Brett Favre, the former quarterback for the Green Bay Packers who retired at the end of the season, officially unretired himself at at press conference today. Favre, who just had his most (and only) productive season of the last five, said that he &...

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Funny story: Gordon backs 'organs for nursing care' scheme for pensioners

Gordon backs 'organs for nursing care' scheme for pensioners

Gordon brown announced today that "wholesale reforms" of the way we have to pay for our retirement. With the slow increase in living expenses over the next 30 years expected, as well as having to sell your house and all other worldly posses...

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Funny story: Detroit: Best Retirement Destination in America

Detroit: Best Retirement Destination in America

In spite of Detroit's recent honor of being declared the most dangerous city in America, new poll of Salt Lake City prostitutes lists Detroit as the premier destination for retired people. The good news was most welcome by Detroit Police Chief E...

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Funny story: Pack Master I

Pack Master I

QM Mule Pack Unit, stationed next to cavalry battalion, had more than 100 mules. They were used for transporting supplies to rugged terrains. The man in charge of this unit was a full pack of oddities. He, when young, had graduated from the Army Veterinary Assistant School. His last assignment, before retirement, was Pack Unit Master.

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Funny story: New Government Retirement Plan

New Government Retirement Plan

"If I ever come in with a gym bag ... just leave the building," was all they told me. I believed ... and it saved my life. 'Going postal' has been a joke around here for a long time. When the manager started telling the entire gossip circle what was said when he called in sick -- it was all over but the body count. The government employee begged not to have his name used because having escap...

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Funny story: Gas & Poison (Sketch)

Gas & Poison (Sketch)

Joan has popped to the retirement home to see her mother Mary. Mary is in the television room with several other residents. Joan takes a seat next to her.

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Funny story: Cat Is Caregiver To Mouse

Cat Is Caregiver To Mouse

BOCA RATON - Every once in a while - far too infrequently - comes a rare story such as this. In this retirement community fifty miles north of Miami, a story is unfolding that re-affirms one's faith in others and in the world, despite a cynical and h...

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Funny story: Dateline 2105: Jerry Rice Announces Retirement From NFL

Dateline 2105: Jerry Rice Announces Retirement From NFL

Dateline: 2105 Wide Receiver Jerry Rice announced his retirement today after playing for 120 years in the NFL for all 84 teams.

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Funny story: Hippie Retirement Homes Gaining Popularity

Hippie Retirement Homes Gaining Popularity

The retirement home industry has been slow to accommodate the lifestyles of the senior citizens it services. A great many homes offer swing music with dinner and movie classics from the 1930's and 1940's. A steadily growing market segment is now gear...

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Funny story: Glue Comes Unstuck

Glue Comes Unstuck

Twelve goals in just two games have now sped past the Old One Two's beleaguered goalkeeper fuelling reports that he is considering retirement. Player Manager Sir Kerr MacRae has repeatedly supported the rotund keeper who last years ball stoppi...

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