The UK government has today released shocking statistics that as many as 300,000 immigrants in Britain are claiming benefits, on top of the many millions of Britons who claim them. For years, Britain has led the world in unemployment. The dole qu...
There was panic in Nottingham city centre this morning, when it was mistakenly published in the 'Free paper', that the Jobcentre Plus on Parliament Street had got 333 new jobs just come in, in error for 3 new jobs. As soon as the crowd rushed the...
A new study has revealed the astonishing fact that there are now 3.9 million households in Britain where not one person works, and whose only income consists entirely of welfare benefits. The study, which was undertaken by the Confederation of Dis...
The Government announced that strange new powers were to be granted to Job Centre staff. As well as teaching them advanced telepathy, speed wanking to Facebook profiles they will be given the ability to order people to work for free before they are a...
The government is to finally clamp down hard on unemployed work-shy youths who refuse to work for nothing. The promise to deal with the problem of 'youths with principles' who continue to expect to be paid for their labour was made by the Prime M...
A controversial new scheme announced by George Osborne today will give tax payers the opportunity to 'adopt' an unemployed person for as little as £5 a month. The scheme will provide bi-monthly updates on how the jobless adoptee is progressing in...
Emmaus, PA - The smell of something rotten is in the air in Emmaus. Emmaus, according to local constable Finass, used to smell pretty fine. But now the constable often complains of bad odors, especially when called upon to arrest one of the many ba...
Feelings of total ambivalence overtook each other today as 2,000 mud-slinging, disease ridden peasants of the underworld descended on Trafalgar Square. Cries of outrage and shrieks of gay abandonment were heard for miles around as thirty years of...
Unemployment statistics in the US plummeted this month, as another 100,000 people gave up looking for work. People who have given up looking for a job do not count in the official statistics. It is not known what has happened to those people. They...
It was claimed the so-called truth drug was slipped into the glass of water that welcomed the Minister of Employment when he visited a group of unemployed people who wanted to ask him questions. Here are the revelations which will shock a nation! 'Why is Unemployment so high' was the first question. 'Well, if everyone is afraid of being unemployed wages can be reduced and conditions for...
UK Government plans to slash benefits and then re-assess (with added leniency) Hard hitting government think tank "Chav Tolchock" has put pressure on government to rethink the way benefits are run in the country. People who claim to be unable to w...
The General Medical Council has reportedly issued new guidelines for GPs, directing them to question patients regarding their current employment status and offering advice on how a return to employment can be advantageous to their health and wellbein...
In the middle of this depression, and with the highest levels ever known of unemployed in Nottingham, the two owners of Nottingham's shopping centres plan to expand! Victoria Shopping Centre - Nottingham Management Comment: We believe it is a good time to invest in the Victoria Centre and Nottingham. Their proposals: * An additional 500,000sq feet extension. * £240+ million investm...
The Government, through the Department for Work and Pensions, has announced the introduction of new Yob Centres aimed especially at the work-shy, brain dead and late-teen New Direction fans. Tastefully decorated in appealing "street pizza" pattern...
The combined demonstrations of the 'Occupation of the Nottingham Market Square', and the 'The Hardest Hit campaign Demo', were put into the shade yesterday, as it was discovered that Two teenagers had obtained jobs through the local JCP (Jobcentre Pl...
"The UK is on so many highs at the moment, so we should not be putting down these record breaking efforts created by the Coalition Government". The claim comes from the Chancellor of the Exchequer's second secretary's assistant filing clerk's part...
WASHINGTON - In a ground-breaking move to cure the problem of unemployment the federal government has hired 750,000 unemployed workers to watch television. The ground-breaking move was the brain child of the Department of Labor, which decided that...
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