Anticipation and speculation surrounding June 22nd's Budget from George Osbourne, has sparked a rise in sales in the classic 'couch wear' garment, the Wife Beater Vest. A poll by Mori has revealed that an unprecedented number of working men aged...
Basil Brush the furry little fox who works for the BBC was sensationally arrested this morning at Heathrow Airport. Basil was on his way to Ireland to participate in the annual Leprechaun Hunt in the small town of Carlingford in Ireland, but his p...
David Cameron sparked a massive security alert as he jogged along the promenade of Brighton beach yesterday. The Tory leader was seen swearing and shouting at a dustbin which was on the side of the promenade, close to the conference centre where he w...
The Metropolitan Police have launched a new scheme in order to combat crime in a modern way. The traditional 'bobby on the beat' is a huge strain on resources and is now largely unworkable. It will be replaced with the new personal officer scheme.
The new security screening device being tested by the T.S.A. has come under fire for the lack of privacy and for the intensity of the scan. The machine sees through clothing and can reveal intimate parts of a person's anatomy or undergarments. Wo...
The introduction of new body scanners at airports has been condemned by a group representing perverts. The Association Representing Smutty Entertainment (A.R.S.E) is concerned that members working in airport security may have to concentrate on lookin...
The attempt to blow up a plane at the "secure" Detroit airport was the last straw. Time to say bye-bye to so- called security that keeps no one secure. Lately there has been a string of security breaches. In the U. S., two uninvited guests mana...
Prez O'Bama stated today that the current raft of Federal Agencies are clearly inadequate to the task of preventing terrorism. The statement came on the heels of several airline terrorism attempts by individuals who should not even have been allowed...
In response to a recent attempt by a nigerian man to blow up a flight with an explosive hidden in his pants, US Homeland Security has put in place a new procedure which requires all passengers to pass their pants through the scanning machine at airpo...
DETROIT - The Vatican's Papal Regulating Committee has just announced that they have hired Jasper Schuringa, the hero of Northwest Flight 253, to replace Bronzolo Farigliano as the Vatican's Head of Security. Farigliano was fired two hours after a...
Bill Gate's Microsoft Vista shut down the entire United States missile defense shield during an orange alert today while it configured new Windows updates. Taking over control from the hands of programmers who were readying systems in case of a s...
A huge influx of cheap-good laden ships from Mainland China caused Homeland Security to raise its insecurity level to the orange level today. Normally, goods coming in from China raise no terrorist alerts, but due to the present economic crisis t...
Santa Fe, New Mexico - Dirk Johnson, 16, and known to his friends and himself as a "bad boy", spends most of his time giving grief to a local mall security guard. Dirk is blissfully unaware of his fate. Dirk does rather poorly in school, mainly f...
A report from several CPA's, who have airlines as their customers, says that the airlines are making a fortune on selling a new all-nude photo scanner before they make them illegal, except at airports. "There are people purchasing these things and...
HOLLYWOOD - The 61st Annual Hollywood Emmy Awards went on without any significant incident. One reporter for the Bravo Network did say that Heidi Klum who is ten months pregnant, upon entering the building turned around kind of fast and hit Tina Fey...
NEW YORK CITY, N.Y. - Security guards running a bed and breakfast on George Washington Bridge have been fired, according to the Port Authority of New York and New Jersey. Lou Daguerre, a commuter who frequents the bridge linking the two states, sn...
A security guard has won the Booker Prize for his debut novel, 'Acton Nights'. Juan Stuart wrote the book during shifts at the local warehouse, where he was the night security guard. "I spent my days dreaming of being a writer and my nights writing m...
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