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Funny satire stories about Roman Abramovich

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Funny story: QPR refuse to share new stadium with Chelsea

QPR refuse to share new stadium with Chelsea

High flying QPR have dashed Chelsea's dreams of sharing a luxury new stadium in Shepherd's Bush. The upwardly mobile West London club have realised that their bijou dwelling in Loftus Road is too small for Champion's League football and are looki...

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Funny story: Andre Villas-Boas has secret sex dossier on Chelsea footballers.

Andre Villas-Boas has secret sex dossier on Chelsea footballers.

A secret dossier revealing intimate sexual details about Chelsea footballers has been found on a park bench in West London. The 69 page document, containing measurements and diagrams, was compiled over several years by new Chelsea Manager Andre Vi...

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Funny story: Roman Abramovich sacks Andre Villa-Boas and appoints foetus as next Chelsea manager

Roman Abramovich sacks Andre Villa-Boas and appoints foetus as next Chelsea manager

Chelsea owner Roman Abramovich has sacked his new manager Andre Villa-Boas for being too old. The 33 year had been in the job 12 hours before he got his marching orders. The ex-Porto schoolboy, who has never kicked a ball himself, had developed a...

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Funny story: Villas-Boas Promises Bright Future For Chelsea

Villas-Boas Promises Bright Future For Chelsea

A bright future is promised for Chelsea following the appointment of Portuguese coach Andre Villas-Boas. He will be confirmed as Carlo Ancelotti's successor at Stamford Bridge today after Chelsea bought out the £13.2 million release clause in his...

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Funny story: Roman Abramovich still in love with Jose Mourinho

Roman Abramovich still in love with Jose Mourinho

Chelsea owner Roman Abramovich has sent out the clearest message yet that he is not 'over' old flame Jose Mourinho. The Russian Billionaire, was on his knees begging Jose not to leave according to captain John Terry, after a tear stained split wit...

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Funny story: Abramovich exposed as Cockney con man

Abramovich exposed as Cockney con man

Rumours are spreading round the manor that Russian oligarch Roman Abramovich is a Sexton Blake. A snake at The Cash In Claw pub has coughed that the nonce's real moniker is Manny 'Rough' Diamond, a con man who operates from a lock up in Shepherd's...

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Funny story: Chelsea Pile On The Pressure In Title Race

Chelsea Pile On The Pressure In Title Race

Chelsea maintained the pressure on league leaders Manchester United last night with an emphatic 3-1 rout of Birmingham City; Kalou and a Malouda brace figuring on the score sheet. It must be worrying for the Blues though, that Fernando Torres exte...

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Funny story: Alexander Meerkat Signs For Chelsea FC

Alexander Meerkat Signs For Chelsea FC

In transfer news Chelsea have rocked the football world and signed Alexander Meerkat for an undisclosed fee. Alexander, 4, from somewhere quite cold, is probably best known for the hilarious adverts where loads of his friends appear and make funny no...

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Funny story: Abramovich Files for Divorce For Ancelotti and Wife of 25 Years

Abramovich Files for Divorce For Ancelotti and Wife of 25 Years

Despite a plea to Chelsea owner Roman Abramovich, manager Carlo Ancelotti could not save his wife, Luisa Ancelotti. The Italian admitted that it was a boardroom decision and he was powerless in this regard. Abramovich has displayed his ruthless st...

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Funny story: Chelsea Buy History

Chelsea Buy History

In an unprecedented move, Chelsea FC have splashed out an undisclosed sum - beleived to be several billion - on purchasing history from all over the world during the summer. At Saturday's game against West Bromwich Albion, they revealed their latest...

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Funny story: Roman Abramovich Wins EuroMillions Rollover

Roman Abramovich Wins EuroMillions Rollover

Unconfirmed reports are reaching us that Chelsea FC owner Roman Abramovich has won the EuroMillions rollover jackpot prize of £96.3 million. Insiders tell us that Abramovich is taking the win calmly and not getting over excited by it as he is alre...

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Funny story: Frank Lampard 'slips one past the ref' as Daria Zhukova shows off baby bump

Frank Lampard 'slips one past the ref' as Daria Zhukova shows off baby bump

London - (ReUterus): Eat yer heart out Roman Abramovich. The little kicker gestating inside girlfriend Daria Zhukova's hatchery looks suspiciously like a bit of an own goal to some. "Or maybe even a crafty handball by Chelsea midfielder Frank La...

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Funny story: Chelsea Call In The Receivers Sensation!

Chelsea Call In The Receivers Sensation!

London, West - In an astonishing turn of events here this afternoon, Chelsea Football Club have called in the receivers in a move which will reach far beyond the worlds of sport and football. City analysts report that losses sustained by owner Rom...

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Funny story: No Panic At Stamford Bridge

No Panic At Stamford Bridge

A flower vendor outside Fulham Broadway tube station today announced categorically that there was no crisis at Stamford Bridge. Rumours abounded that Roman Abramovich, the Chelsea 'owner' was 'not best pleased' with his multi-million pound team's...

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Funny story: Roman Abramovich Interested In Buying Gunners

Roman Abramovich Interested In Buying Gunners

In the most unlikely piece of footballing business news yet, Chelsea owner Roman Abramovich has been involved in a mix-up in which he travelled to an auction in Germany under the illusion he was about to buy the Blues' North London rivals, Arsenal.

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Funny story: Abrahamovich reveals reason behind Grant sacking

Abrahamovich reveals reason behind Grant sacking

After being questioned several times Chelsea owner Roman Abrahamovich revealed that manager Avram Grant had be sacked because of the way he dressed.

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Funny story: More Russians To Die In London Soon

More Russians To Die In London Soon

A senior ex-KGB defector residing in London has said billionaire tycoon Badri Patarkatsishvili was murdered, and that he expects more Russian exiles to die mysteriously in the capital soon.

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