The news that Jordan is to go into the Big Brother house today came as a big shock to David Cameron. "I wasn't informed," He said. "So, it can't go ahead. I need to be informed of everything that goes on in the entire country before it happens" "Why?" Asked Katarina Frogpond (that's me). "You're not the Prime Minister." "But I'm going to be." He said. "I have to start practicing. So I...
From what we've heard, although we can't as yet confirm the veracity of it, as we were down the pub getting ritually leathered, anticipating a weekend of leatherisation, when we heard that Katie Price has made an emotional appeal to ex-husband Peter...
When pointless breast carriage mechanism Katie Price left the Celebrity Jungle camp saying: "I am going home. I miss my kids so much," we here at the Cycle thought just for a moment that her execrable performance and the overwhelming opprobium of the...
Estranged husband of jungle 'celebrity' Katie Price, Peter Andre this evening made a complete and utter twat of himself on the BBC's annual 'Children In Need' appeal. Singing in a squeaky high-pitched voice, Andre declared that his love was 'Uncon...
The producers of, 'I'm a minor celebrity...give me exposure', must be rubbing their Armani clad thighs with glee today after 90's pop sensation Peter Andre agreed to go back in to the jungle. It's been reported that Peter has been paid a whopping...
Comic Peter Kay is to record a charity single for this year's Children in Need appeal, which he says has the potential to be "mildly amusing". The as yet unnamed track will be accompanied by an all-star video featuring almost famous faces and lon...
Peter Andre, estranged husband of strange glamour model cum reality TV star and ultra-successful drunken slapper Katie Price aka Jordan was reported to be clapping his hands and dancing around the garden of his Brighton home like a demented meerkat u...
Cressida Camel-Toe our Gossip Columnist reports: Well Dahlings, If you needed a reason to anticipate 2010 then you have one now, vacuous breast hanger Jordan has revealed her New Year's resolution to this publication. What will it be you gasp ? Well you guessed it, in a statement through her publicist Max C*nt she's claimed that she's going to stop moaning on and on about Muscle-bound An...
Sub-porn star Jordan, aka Katie Price, faces disaster as her script writer quit, it was reported yesterday. Speaking with the aid of a piece of paper with double-spaced typing in a large sans-serif font on it the silicone-based life-form elaborated...
Stoke (Potteries Relegation Battle) It has been announced that Peter Andre is to sing at a private dinner in honour of Mohammad Ali. The dinner will take place at Stoke City football club. It is the biggest challenge ever for Ali. In his prime the gr...
Peter Andre, the estranged husband of uber breasted plastic pop-tart Katie Price, formerly Jordan, last night got into a venomous row with her over the phone, which I was able to witness as he'd put the phone on open speaker. Price, who has been s...
Katie Price (aka as Jordan or Booberella) and one-time singer Peter Andre were once the toast of British Chav society and their love seemed as eternal as that of equally class act Jack Tweed and Jade Goody. Katie herself once said, "I would wait or s...
ATPN, London - Peter Andre, spurned lover of former page 3 silicone ridden Jordan IfThePriceIsRight (aka Katie), vowed this week to sue the bitch for hinting that he'd hidden another lover in the dungeon of their Brighton lovenest. "What she's sai...
Dale Winton the permatanned twinkletoed star of the 1990's was today unveiled as the romantic lead in a New Musical telling the story of a meteoric rise to power. Lord Mandelson First Secretary of State, Secretary of State for Business, Innovation...
Hoboken, NJ - Hoboken Mayor, Peter Cammarano, is believed to have quite a presence in the New York underworld. Although the mayor, at 32, seems to be rather young to have any kind of reputation in 'La Cosa Nostra', it is believed that he has been ope...
A man who goes under the alias Peter Pandemic claims to have been hired by Drug Companies and the British and American Governments to stir up hysteria about swine flu. Peter says that he is bombarding news agencies with lots of scaremonger news...
Uber breasted one time glamour model, reality TV contestant, reality TV show starlet, party girl, and alleged slapper, Jordan, sensationally broke down in a British Network TV exclusive interview with former newspaper editor (fired for being a twat a...
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