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Funny satire stories about Nottingham

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Funny story: My Senior Moments - W/E Sunday 1st April 2012

My Senior Moments - W/E Sunday 1st April 2012

Monday 26th March: * Up early as usual, encourage to be so by the chest pains, I got a cuppa then went on laptop to the Spoof, then made a humorous graphic, posting link to the Spoof forum. Pleased with myself, I paid a visit to the WC... to find I'd left the heater on all night once again! Monday 26th March: * Walked into the city to getbird seed. Got the bus home, got in... and wondered wh...

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Funny story: A True Diary of Woe - Part Fifty-Three

A True Diary of Woe - Part Fifty-Three

A diary of one man's (Using the term man lossely) utter failure, depression, frustration, cock-ups, and impecuniousness, starting in August 1947 Chapter 96 The Night of the Call-Out! The client requested two Security Officer to cover for the night, for their own guards who had both reported in sick. To cover a meeting/party of executives party. It was at a posh mansion just outside Leice...

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Funny story: My Senior Moments - W/E Sunday 25th March 2012

My Senior Moments - W/E Sunday 25th March 2012

My Senior Moments This Week Monday 19th March 2012: * Went on the 99p shop, carefully limiting my spending to under £5. 1x Air spray, 2x bird seed, 1x Nougat (for the girls at the blood centre on Tuesday) and 1x Disinfectant. When she asked me for £7.98, I foolishly paid her then realised something was amiss! I did not leave the checkout, but while waiting for hwer to serve other custome...

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Funny story: Nottingham News for W/E 25 March 2012 - with comments

Nottingham News for W/E 25 March 2012 - with comments

Monday 19th March 2012: Topic: CRIME "Students capture burglar who attacked them with a cleaver" Source: Nottingham Post A group of students captured and held a burglar in their home after he attacked them with a meat cleaver. They disarmed Jason Fisher, sat him down in a corner and hemmed him in with chairs until police arrived. Jason Fisher 27, had injured two of them with the...

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Funny story: The Unintentional Nottingham Time Traveller reveals all!

The Unintentional Nottingham Time Traveller reveals all!

In 1952, a Nottingham resident and historian, Bartholomew Uttersthwaite (now 68), then an eight-year-old ankle-biter, started to design and build a Time-Machine (push-bike) in the coalhouse in the soot covered backyard of number 6 Brookfield Place, in Nottingham, next to the railway viaduct. He takes up the story here himself... (oh where is he? Oh, at the WC again... I'll print a few more word...

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Funny story: What can we expect in the Newspapers in 2062!

What can we expect in the Newspapers in 2062!

What can we expect from the Newspapers (if there are any trees left by then) in 2062? If prices go up at the same rate as they have done for the last 50 years?..... Adverts in 2062: Cameron-Clegg Almalgamated Food Mega-Stores (Originally Tesco & Sainsbury's util William Hague bought them out and gave the company to Cameron and Clegg as a Christmas present in 2045) This weeks offer...

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Funny story: Nottingham News for W/E Sun 18th March 2012 - with comments

Nottingham News for W/E Sun 18th March 2012 - with comments

This Weeks Nottingham News Monday 12th March 2012: Topic: Crime - Arson - Witchcraft "Bilborough victims of 'witchcraft' arsonist speaks of impact" Source: Nottingham Post Four houses and a car were damaged when Clive Howsin threw homemade petrol bombs at homes in Strelley Road, Bilborough, and Beechdale Road, Beechdale. Howsin, a paranoid schizophrenic who believed people in the area were...

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Funny story: My Senior Moments - W/E Sunday 18th March 2012

My Senior Moments - W/E Sunday 18th March 2012

My Senior Moments This Week Monday 12th March 2012: * Up at 0300hrs - Went to the WC. Updated reminders and medical diary in readiness for visit to GP, re ticker monitoring device being fitted. Felt peckish, put pastie in oven. Went to the WC. Went on Spoof, did diaries, found some Snippet ideas, and went to the WC. Took out the burnt pastie from the oven. * Went to see Doctor, got prescrip...

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Funny story: Individual Replies to my Unsolicited Mail senders

Individual Replies to my Unsolicited Mail senders

Individual Replies to my Unsolicited Mail received over the last 10 days: From Southern Electric/Nottingham City Council: Offering me the chance of, Cavity Wall insulation @ only £49 Reply: "Thank you kindly for the unsolicited offer. I already have cavity wall insulation. However, should anyone ask me about such a service, I will undoubtedly pass on your colourful leaflet. From Eddieble P...

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Funny story: Nottingham Pensioner inspired by Henglebert Eumperdink's comeback!

Nottingham Pensioner inspired by Henglebert Eumperdink's comeback!

Henglebert Eumperdink's return to sing in the Euro-vision Song Contest for England, has inspired a Nottingham pensioner, to form a musical group from within the Nottingham City Hospital Rehabilitation Group members. Manager and lead singer of the...

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Funny story: Nottingham News for W/E Sun 11th March 2012 - with comments

Nottingham News for W/E Sun 11th March 2012 - with comments

Monday 5th March 2012 Topic: Crime - Shoplifters Victoria Centre: Police and security guards chase shoplifters Source: Observed by Author As I was hobbling though the bus station car park to Victoria centre, a herd of about five horrible Herbert's came running out of the centre doors, carrying what looked like dozens of pairs of jeans each, and ran down into the car park, where they got into a...

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Funny story: My Senior Moments - W/E Sunday 11th March 2012

My Senior Moments - W/E Sunday 11th March 2012

Monday 5th March 2012: * Noticed the £2.39 Asda wall clock had stopped, so after a half hour search I found and replaced the battery, but the black plastic thingamajig fell off. So, undaunted I searched the hovel and found a screwdriver the size that would fit and allow me to carefully change the clock to show the correct time. Now with me painful fingers and not too good eyesight, this took me a...

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Funny story: My Senior Moments - W/E 4th March 2012

My Senior Moments - W/E 4th March 2012

Sunday 26th February 2012 * Fell asleep, and woke up as I was falling out of the chair! How? - No idea, but the pan of soup got burnt while all this was going on. Monday 27th February 2012 * Tried again to get rid of the alarm I accidentally set on the DAB radio, and lost the one preset I had. * Searched in vain for my mobile phone, still looking. Tuesday 28th February 2012 * Found mob...

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Funny story: Nottingham News for W/E Sun 4th March 2012 - with comments

Nottingham News for W/E Sun 4th March 2012 - with comments

Monday 27th February 2012 Topic: Crime Nottingham Anti-crime scheme expands its 'carrot and stick' method Source: This is Nottingham A new scheme to keep track of Notts criminals is expected to be expanded. Almost 400 criminals in the county are on the Integrated Offender Management programme. It initially offers offenders help in a bid to deter them from crime but, if that help is refus...

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Funny story: Quatermass Returns - to Nottingham!

Quatermass Returns - to Nottingham!

Albert Quatermass, the son of Professor Bernard Quatermass, the pioneer of the now extinct British space programme, who headed up the British Experimental Rocket Group, and continually found himself confronting sinister alien forces that threatened to destroy humanity in the 50's ans 60's, has now turned his hand from his wicker-bottom chair repairing interests, to join the Nottingham City Council...

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Funny story: My Beloved Griselda - Part Five - 'The Highlight of her visit'

My Beloved Griselda - Part Five - 'The Highlight of her visit'

My association with Griselda, was without doubt, the most physically satisfying and passion filled period of my sad life, and I still miss the chemistry of our entwined bodies in complete and utter ecstasy and pleasurable pain. My delight in her ability to lift me up, turn me over, and carry me around the room while tasting my foibles will remain with me forever. The Highlight of her visit G...

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Funny story: My Senior Moments - W/E Sunday 26th February 2012

My Senior Moments - W/E Sunday 26th February 2012

Selected Senior Moments suffered by a Nottingham Senior Citizen. In the hopes of raising a laugh at them, and making them easier to live with. Sunday 19th February 2012 PM * Poured orange juice into tea instead of milk. Monday 20th February 2012 * Yet again caught talking to pigeons as I fed them, this time by a member of the street cleansing crew, who gave me a puzzled and con...

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